The 12 Steps That Can Lead You To Loving All Of You
Learning To Love All Of You…
….One Step at a time.
As I’ve talked about over the past few months I’ve been going through personal life coaching. I can’t tell you how much of an impact this process has had on my over all outlook on my life, my passions and my thought processes.
Well I wanted to share with you the insights that have lead me to realizing how much love for myself was left on the table prior to my coaching. I considered myself a pretty positive and mentally healthy individual but I’ve always known that I had (and still have) a much higher potential to reach.
12 Steps To Your Love
1. Emotional Intelligence-How important is it to feed and nourish the part of you that supports the quality of your life experiences? This is why I now meditate daily, read and listen to philosophy that supports me and take better care of my body. Emotional education leads to higher self awareness and an over all better out look on life. I find myself living at a higher vibration and more in flow with life when I partake in daily emotional education more so than when I don’t.
2. Are You One Person Or Many Selves-I am many parts not just one self. Many people think that one self is our totality. Worse yet is many people don’t give this any thought at all. (Goes back to emotional intelligence) Or I thought if I did have many selves I was schizophrenic. Obviously this isn’t true.
You and I wear many masks in public, in private and with our selves in general. Don’t believe me? How do you show up when you’re at work as apposed to when you’re with your friends? Or how about when you’re with your wife or GF as apposed to just with your best of friends?
You and I have many parts of us where we show up differently. I denied this for many years. I was seeking out perfection in all parts of my life and was disappointed almost every single time. When you and I screw up and we think we are only one self we beat ourselves up and can’t forgive ourselves. We spiral down into an ego entrenched depression because we think that one self is our totality.
It wasn’t until I accepted I had many selves (and it was OK) that I understood I could stand outside of those selves as an observer and live with out judgment.
3. Acknowledge the Shadows- These are the beliefs that go on below the masks you and I wear. The key is to become aware of them (Through emotional education and eventually emotional intelligence or awareness) You can see I’ve written about Shadow work quite a bit in my recent writings and the reason is because I believe it is so profound.
In my personal opinion it’s allowed me to get to the root of many of my emotional beliefs that have kept me from living up to my potential. (Removing Counter intentions) I’ve been able to achieve these deep shadow work results because of working with a coach. I’m not sure how effective it would be doing on your own though. It may even be dangerous to deal with on your own if you’re working with very dark shadows.
4. Counter Intentions-These are the real intentions you and I have that we’re committed to. Even if we’re not aware of them. Joe Vitale calls them counter intentions. These are the deep commitments you and I have that ly beneath the things we say we want. There are payoffs to these underlying commitments. Want to know what they are? Just look at your current circumstances spiritually, emotionally, physically & financially. That’s what you’re really committed to because of your underlying beliefs. More importantly there is a payoff you’re receiving because of your commitment and you’re addicted to it.
Let me give you a personal example. I’ve been in fantastic physical shape before. (146 lbs and 6% body fat) I was athletic lean and performed well. However I never stayed there. Many things happened but really I was committed to being sickly, out of shape and in overall poor health. Why? Because it got me attention. How did I come up with that underlying commitment? Because growing up with my Grandparents and my Great Aunt I saw how much attention she got as being sickly. She used it to her advantage and I saw it for years as a child. Hence I was programmed with that underlying commitment.
Through emotional education and working through my shadow beliefs I’ve become aware of this commitment and realized it serves no one, most importantly myself. However if you would have asked me if that was what I was I was committed to I would have clearly denied it.
5. Acceptance & Incompleteness-Accepting the fact that I owned this commitment was tough. It wasn’t something I was even conscious of in my actual coaching session. However through my journal I became aware of it a few weeks later as I was writing. Incompleteness can be a scary thing once you become conscious of it unless you have the support through coaching. Otherwise it’s much easier to ignore incompleteness and attempt to fill it with so many other things like food, drugs, alcohol or sex. The list could go on and on but through emotional intelligence & education accepting this has been easier. I akin it to being willing to cleaning the slate in order to start from scratch.
6. Acceptance & Surrender– Actually surrendering to the process can be very challenging for you unless you’re just at a place where you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. For all of my successes this is where I was at when I started my coaching. I was sick and tired of being stuck at my level of consciousness. Call it conscious incompetence. I knew there was more and that I was capable of living at a higher vibration however I wasn’t getting there on my own. I surrendered to the fact and reached out. This isn’t a sign of weakness as I once had thought but revealed my desire for trusting in something outside of myself.
7. Taking Responsibility-‘Taking responsibility for the direction of your life reflects a greater love for yourself.”-Me
Now I had once believed that direction of life meant in regards to my career. Boy did I have to back up on this one. Taking responsibility for my emotional education was one thing but taking responsibility for my shadows really was the catalyst for me feeling more in line with my purpose today. Responsibility is a quality in of itself that requires discipline, true.
“I’m aligned with my greater sense of purpose I’ve found responsibility & discipline comes so much more naturally than when I’m not.“-Me
First you must be willing to take the step of taking responsibility for where you’re at and surrender to change, possible challenge and embrace loving your many selves through the process. The totality of you is an amazing being.
8. Daily Choice- Our lives are made up of choices. Every morning I ask that my choices lead me closer to my divine purpose. I am a tool (More than just a social tool)
What part of you do you go inside and connect with on a daily basis that supports you in healthy choices? Good choices that compound love for yourself are not just about who you spend your time with, what you eat or if you exercise or not. (Although these are good choices to make)
But what about choices like meditation or daily prayer? Or your morning rituals that start your day off immediately with successes and of gratitude? These compound upon themselves through out your day and spin off into your over all weekly, monthly and yearly experiences. Guess what? I find that I love myself so much more when I make these kinds of daily choices first thing in the morning.
9. Looking At Forgiveness- This is a huge one for me as I’m sure it probably it is for you along with everyone else in the world. Ask yourself how forgiving yourself for (Insert belief) would benefit your current life course? I remember hearing a philosophy that really hit me on forgiveness and it was before I even knew anything about shadow work or mirroring:
If you feel you need to forgive someone then it must mean you feel you have some sort of power over them. How can that be when ultimately the choice is yours in how you respond to their actions. Why give away your power? All of your power is condensed within yourself. Stand in your truth and don’t give away your light by feeling your emotional health depends on forgiving others. What if they don’t accept your forgiveness? It’s their choice in how to respond not yours.
“When you can’t forgive others it’s a good indication you have a hard time forgiving yourself.“-Me
The quote conflicts with what I mentioned before, however again it’s an indication or mirroring how you really treat yourself. Very interesting indeed.
10. Basics of Honoring Yourself- Consider asking this question and after you ask it write down the answers before you go on:
“How do I honor myself?”
You’re internal beliefs may get a shake up when you read your answers after reading the next part.
Well first off Acknowledging yourself for just being here on earth is a good start!
Of course honoring yourself for success in life is what you and I have been programmed for since kindergarten, grade school or even before then as little babies! We are taught we have to DO something right before we can be praised & honored. Imagine how much of that you hold onto as an adult?
“Do more there for you are more.” That’s a pretty flawed philosophy isn’t it? But how many people live by that credo unconsciously?
How about honoring yourself daily and first thing in the morning for just being here on planet earth. 🙂
Can you imagine the miracle that had to happen for you and I to even be here right now? There was an amazing miracle that allowed me to be writing this and you to be reading it. Just how grateful for that miracle 36 years ago am I? I’m very grateful and every day I start out my day immediately by honoring myself because of this awareness.
11. Reclaiming Your Light- This was probably one of the biggest lessons I’ve received from my coaching however it wasn’t until I was able to go through the before mentioned steps that I was able to really understand the power of reclaiming my light.
Just like in shadow work where your world is a mirror of your negative thoughts about yourself the exact opposite is true too. When you project admiration or look up to someone else because of their efforts to a point where you take zero action yourself, you’re giving away your light, your strength and your contribution.
Hard to believe, but true. I’m not saying not to show your respect to someone for their contributions. It’s just when you don’t take any action yourself but you go out of your way to show your appreciation to them that it’s a sign you need to reclaim your light. When you follow the previous steps as a path you find what you’re really saying is, “I wish I was like you. I wish I really felt good enough about myself or was on purpose like you, that I would take the same kind of action which leads to the results that you have.”
Maybe I’ll get some flack over this one however it was one of my top 3 “Ah Ha” moments I’ve had over the past few weeks.
12. Contribution- Through all of these steps what you and I really want is feel we have contributed to something greater than our selves. Why do we accumulate? To be able to give it away. I notice many of us don’t figure this out until much later in life.
It’s the feeling of giving that has to be exercised in order to fully appreciate. It’s why tithing is such a big thing. It’s the exercise of weekly giving. It contributes to the needs of the spirit. That you’re worthy of giving and have worth to give. The money is only symbolic of what we as human beings are meant to live and do. Contribute.
Contribution is one of the 6 primary emotional drivers and more importantly is one of the 2 needs of the spirit. For many years I ignored the need and only thought to accumulate. I wasn’t conscious of what it really meant to give or more importantly how this needed to be exercised through giving of time, money or efforts.
It’s been one of the greatest feelings to contribute. An example would be Motivational Music and Video Represents life. I just did it and gave of it with no expectation. Now it’s one of the most visited posts on this site of which many people have gained value from it and contributed their feedback.
It’s why we love community so much. It’s like social media in so many ways. You and I contribute content to the community and we also consume content of the community. When you and I consume the content we generally will comment and give our perspectives or ideas. We may agree or disagree. But never the less we contribute.
My Steps To Finding Love Again
I know this was a lot to take in and certainly only represents my experience in finding love for ones self.
It’s a journey unto itself and one I’m glad I embarked on. Knowing the amount of people in the world that are seeking happiness as an ongoing constant the first step if this is to be our experience is to first have full love for ourselves.
Now feel free to contribute to the community and leave your feedback. 🙂
