Move Over Brain Hacks: How To “Hack The Heart” For More Love and Contribution

You’ve probably heard of “brain hacks” where you’re able to find short cuts to more productivity or more mental efficiency, but I’m betting you’ve never heard of a heart hack. (Not to be confused with a heart attack either)

Ok, let me explain with a little back story…

I was raised by my great grandparents so I heard a bunch of what I call old school wisdom.

One of the many sayings I heard growing up was:

“God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. You’re to listen more than you talk. When you practice this you can actually find yourself saying something meaningful every now and then.”

There was another wisdom I heard (sarcasm) which went like this, “Children are meant to be seen and not heard.” 

I’ll admit, the last philosophy never really took root in my youth. However as I grew older I discovered they both rooted themselves deep.

You see I didn’t grow up in a household where physical or verbal affection was given. There were no hugs and I can count on one hand how many times I was told, “We love you.” So in my search for love as I began to get older, I looked for it through sex, alcohol and eventually drugs. The later of the 3 nearly killed me. Twice.

It’s a long story and I certainly don’t want you to feel sorry for me but it turns out that what I thought was a curse at one point, turned out to be one of my greatest gifts in life.

Join me as I go a little deeper here.

Even through all of the chaos as a young adult, I never did forget the little wisdom of two ears and one mouth. When you really listen you can hear what people said but know what they are really saying. If you listen intently, people will share with you exactly what’s on their heart. Even if they aren’t consciously aware of it.

You can listen to the meaning within their words.

• I know I’m supposed to go to college but…
• I know I should workout however (insert excuse)
• I know I aught to eat better than I do but I just can’t seem to
• I know need to make more money but it’s just not happening

If you really listen you can pinpoint the words where someone is injecting other peoples world views and beliefs into their own. It creates a moral conflict  when they try and live other peoples values and thus internal chaos ensues. It keeps one confused about their true personal identity and creates confusion around their direction in life.

I can look back on my life and see how many times I’ve done this. Yup, it was alot. I was so focused on what I thought I wanted that I paid little attention to living my own values and acknowledging what my soul really needed in order to feel nourished. I was ignoring my true emotional needs and never thought I was enough as I was. So I attempted to fill those emotional holes with external substances and fly by night relationships.

Today, whenever I can, I support others in bringing awareness to their words which reveal their true view of the world and themselves. I’ve found it helps them to start the path of alleviating and ultimately healing the self inflicted suffering they’re experiencing.

By simply becoming conscious of the language I use and the meaning behind the words, I was able to shed light on my beliefs which were demonstrated through my behaviors.

I’ve been able to become the witness of what my life demonstrates because many of those beliefs weren’t supporting the life I say I wanted.

More importantly, many times I’m able to step back and acknowledge my reality without judging myself or minimizing myself relative to what others may seem to be accomplishing in the world. And believe me, this isn’t always easy to do. I still struggle with it. BUT, I am a lot better than I used to be.

A teacher and close friend taught me a few years ago that when you can take this step back, that this is called the witnessing awareness and a sign of living in our highest self. I’ve found it an extremely helpful tool to become the cause in in my life, rather than being at the effect of it.

When I attempted to live my life based on someone else’s value systems it created a bunch of internal chaos which then expressed itself externally through my language and behavior. This is when I got feedback from the world around me, usually in the form of undesired results, like chaotic relationships and situations.

I found that when I didn’t like what was happening in my life, that taking responsibility was one of the greatest goods I could accomplish for not only myself but those around me.

[gn_note color=”#fef3c8″]As I’m older now, I find practicing this little wisdom of acknowledging I have two ears and one mouth for a reason, has created excellent results in my life and in the lives of people I come in contact with.

But there is one important addition to the equation which I didn’t grasp until recently and it’s made a big difference in how I choose to direct my life. It’s the next step of what you actually do with what you experience or hear.

It’s to listen to others with the intention of holding them your heart, regardless of their thoughts, words and actions towards you.[/gn_note]

Here’s what I mean.

No matter what someone else does or says, you can hold them in your heart where you don’t react to their language or behavior. Don’t look down on them and minimize them.  Do your best to hold them in your heart and feel compassion for them. Realize they are struggling and in many cases living wounded lives.

They are simply expressing how they see themselves and the world through their behavior. When you begin to hold this compassion for yourself consistently, you treat others the way you habitually treat yourself. With love. i.e. the “Heart Hack”

I began this process when I listened to my own internal and external language. I had to hold myself in my own heart. I had to love me. All of me.

See other peoples hostilities as a gift we’re given in order to acknowledge what healing we most need to bring to our world. I’ve found what’s true for me is if I’m triggered by their hostile language or actions, I have healing of my own still to do around the topic.

Offer this person healing through deep compassion which you initially hold for yourself. This is the greatest gift that you can then turn around and give to them. Demonstrate into the world, your love for yourself through your thoughts, actions and words.

An Open Heart +  Open Ears = Love & Connection 

When I can hold you in my heart I can hold you in my space regardless of your behavior. Sure it takes practice and more importantly it requires love for ones self. With this love for yourself comes the perspective that everyone else is seeking to be acknowledged and supported in a meaningful way just as you are. They just haven’t provided it to themselves yet. It’s up to you and I to demonstrate the power of self love and project this outwards. It means practicing worthiness in our own thoughts, words and actions regardless of our perception of our past.

You may be saying to yourself, “Sounds Like a Good Concept Tony, But Is It Realistic?”

I’d say yes, and here’s how you prove it. The first person you can practice this with is you. Demonstrate it in your own life by holding your own thoughts, words and actions in your heart.  I have a close friend that reminds me to be gentle with myself regardless of my perceived faults.

Refrain from minimizing yourself and any of your own past results in life. Begin the journey of discovering what you truly value and align your life with those values unflinchingly.

This is how you begin to stand in your own power.

Your past won’t define you when you bring this type of consciousness to the present moment. On the same hand what you choose to do right now, while conscious, will define your future and the positive impact you can have on it.

When you begin this practice of opening your heart to yourself as well as others, along with your ears, you demonstrate with your own life what you most seek in the world.

Love and connection.

Two Ears, One Mouth And An Open Heart Equals….love.

Please take a second to share this with someone you care about and leave your comments below.