7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger

Written on July 5, 2010 by tony in Personal Development
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Highway/motion blur

7 Lessons I Don’t Regret

Honestly this was a tough write for me because I don’t make a habit of wishing I could go back in time and do things differently.  I do obviously like to share my experiences from the past and how I’ve grown from them here at the blog.

So why did I write this wish post then?

Because it’s my contribution to the Life Lessons Series from my new friend Abubakar. He put the challenge out and I answered.

Grow Up

1. I wish I Would Have Understood It Was Ok To Not Grow Up

I’ll be the first to admit there are times today that I’m just downright childish, silly and hard to take seriously. I like it, enjoy it and most everyone when they are around me feel good about themselves because of the energy.

Admittedly I also can be extremely serious. Ok, um anal is really the appropriate word. I thought it was more important to throw the creative child aspect of myself to the side and grow up so I could make some serious money because well, that’s what people who make money do.

Yeah not, so much.

It’s OK to allow your child like self to be free and creative. You don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. It is possible to live your life with a child like wonder.

Chasing Money

2. I Wish I Had Learned Chasing Money Is A Dead End Road

Yes I wanted to make some serious money because I was tired of being a broke musician. I didn’t want to keep living my life powerless. (Money equaled power back then) I had equated having money to having personal power. I completely leap frogged over the aspect of knowing I am valuable already and that I just needed to consciously obtain life skills that supported the self in a long term growth plan.

I figured If I made more money that would make me more of a person and get me more respect.

Yeah, kinda short sighted. Although someone with money can be perceived as having it all, it’s not always true. I chased money to the point of only using it to buy drugs and alcohol to fill my voided self.

I did more drugs when I was in the manufactured home business (and almost died twice) than I ever did when I was in the metal lifestyle.

I was also more out of alignment with who saw myself as than ever before in my life too.

Money should be a result of providing a ton of specific value. Money is a great tool that allows you and I to have and create more experiences for ourselves and others.

Your Heart

3. I Wish Would Have Learned To Follow My Heart Rather Than My Head

When I shifted from being a musician to businessman it wasn’t for reasons of the heart.

I was influenced by the flashy new corvette my friend drove up in when I got back from my European stint with Cynic. He was making tons of cash and he was only 21. I was so jaded from feeling “screwed” by the band that I was in serious resistance of doing anything with them again. I saw myself as a victim. Someone who was taken advantage of, powerless and broke.

I emotionally reacted and told the band to go get bent when they asked me to do a U.S. tour with them and Cannibal Corpse in early ’94. I could have responded instead and objectively looked at the situation before making an emotional decision from the victim mentality.

Had I followed my heart and realized it was the music I was there for and this was just a stepping stone, I would have done it. Who knows what other contacts, gigs, and musical growth opportunities I could have had. (Little known fact, I had a good chance of joining Cannibal Corpse as a guitarist but I chose to go after my dream of playing with Cynic)

Even though I felt screwed out of being in the band, I could have said I needed to be compensated for the U.S. tour as a “guest musician” instead of doing it for free, thinking I was going to be a member of the group. (I learned as the European tour was coming to a close in late ’93  that I was a guest musician instead of an actual member. I learned by reading the inside sleeve of the CD jacket and putting forth a year of effort)

I chose reaction, resentment and money.

That decision changed the course of my creative life for almost 16 years.

I don’t regret the experience. Because of the shift I made I realize I made a vital decision that changed the course of the kind of value I provide to others today. I do it in a creative expressive way that supports change in others and aligns with their higher values.

Responsibility

4. I wish I Would Have Learned To Be More Responsible With Money Earlier

Keep in mind the next few lines are all story lines that contributed to several years of victim mentality.

I was never explained money as a kid. My great grandparents and great aunt made a total of around $45,000 a year between the 3 of them.

  • There was never a discussion around money. It was taboo.
  • There was no sit down on how to get ahead or how to start getting credit. It wasn’t discussed.

I didn’t have my first checking account until I was 22 and had gotten my first real job in the manufactured home industry as a salesman. Before that I was a dishwasher from the age of 15 till I was 19.

I finally did start making decent money at the age of 22 and I had zero respect for it.

I blew it on CD’s, movies, drugs, partying. You name it. Anything that would remind me I hadn’t chose the reality that I did.

Hell I didn’t even pay my taxes (I was self employed) and ended up having to pay the IRS monthly payments for a few years.

None of that was fun I tell you and I let all of those stories dictate a big chunk of my life.

I would have had chosen to have a greater respect for myself, my choices and my money earlier on. I forget where I read the quote but:

“Money is a terrible master but is a better servant.“

Money is not evil nor wrong, it only exposes or promotes who you are and how you perceive the world at the time. Realize money doesn’t fill your emotional holes. Deposit love in your emotional bank account everyday!

Pay yourself first, spend money on assets that will spin off more income second, that way you can do tomorrow what others won’t, because you do today what others don’t.

Personal Values

5. I Wish I Would Have Learned To Hold Myself In Higher Integrity

This one is a tough one to write about publicly but let’s just say with as low a self esteem as I had as a young adult I was involved in not one but two affairs. Both of which were selfish on my part and hurtful. I was the “other man” and quite frankly it sucked big monkey nuts. I ended up putting myself in positions where I got my heart broke and continued a cycle of self defeating relationships and behaviors.

I felt like I was a total douche.

I won’t get into too much detail however let’s just say I would have held myself to a higher standard, had more self respect and focused on self love.

“Situations don’t make a person, they reveal a person.” -Wayne Dyer

The choices we make today will impact how we feel about ourselves tomorrow. Weigh the impact of your decisions by what you value most. Are those values serving your greater good of yourself and those around you?

Personal Discipline

6. I Wish I Would Have Learned To Be More Disciplined Earlier

Being a classically trained violinist I learned a lot f music theory. I practiced every day. And I believe I became pretty good, however I wasn’t inspired to practice every day. I had to force myself to do it.

When I hit the metal scene I threw it all out the door and went for music from the heart. I had and still have a good ear for music but it’s a big reason why I later on feel my ability to express myself failed to hit it’s potential. (Hence why I was never considered to be a member of Cynic)

Today I also still enjoy playing guitar, piano and programming music on my mac. I’m not the most flexible musician but I enjoy the hell out of what I do create. No one has to tell me to do it, or beg me to do it. I just do it.

When it comes to writing, blogging and coaching no one has to tell me to do it. I just do it.

I’m inspired to do it and I don’t need any motivation.

Today I realize discipline isn’t required when you’re aligned with something you love. When I’m aligned with my greater sense of purpose I’ve found responsibility & discipline comes so much more naturally and easily than when I’m not.

Self Love

7. I Wish I Would Have Learned To Love (Give) Myself As Much As I looked for it from Others

When I look back at all this wishing, what I’m really saying is, “I wish I would have been consciously aware of self love.”

I realize I grew up in a household that didn’t value the expression of love however that’s no longer an excuse as I am now a conscious loving person myself.

It’s always easier to be a general after the battle.

I’m a believer of everything happens exactly as it’s supposed to have happened. It’s part of our dharam. The word dharma translates as that which upholds or supports.

Everything I’ve experienced, whether I interpreted it as good or bad has lent to my dharma and the discovery of my purpose here today. There for there is no good or bad, only what is that supports our journey. This is my karma.

I know we have heard we are all that we need and all that we need is within us but the human need for connection and community is huge. It’s powerful and it’s part of our nature. Today I have learned forgiveness of myself is paramount. Forgiving me of my attachments to the past.

I’m releasing my attachments I have to things outside of myself. I am  living out loud as I am today. And I am contributing to others as I am today. This is what bring me the greatest joy.

Your Biggest Lesson

What about you?

Are there something you can share in the comments that you wish you would have learned earlier in life? (But are grateful you know now)

How are you different today now that you had to go through those lessons?

Do you value those lessons or do you hold them in resistance? (You don’t have to answer this one, just think on it)

Share your feedback below.

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The (My) Guide to Building Your Inner Empire

Written on July 1, 2010 by tony in Spiritual Marketing
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business man watching his empire grow over white

The Dream You Possess

“The dream we build on the outside is created by our thoughts and desires on the inside.”

Your Dream is what you envision your world as.

It’s what you desire your life experiences to be.

It’s who you see yourself as.

It’s what you feel is right for you before you even experience it.

It’s you, who believes whether you are either deserving or undeserving of that dream.

Hence we are all capable of great feats, but lack the belief in ourselves that we are capable of accomplishing them.

“There is no dry land, there is only fearlessness, which is to be found in the heart. This is the path to freedom.“- Chogyam Trungpa

So how do we get that feeling of belief that we can?

Fearlessness.

Your Empire Is Built

Today isn’t so much a blueprint but a set of ideals.

There are lots of things I know I still want to do experience in life that I haven’t gotten to made a priority.

I, probably like you, have internal stuff that keeps me I haven’t accepted so that I fully see myself experiencing all of my dreams. That’s a work in progress for all of us me and I deal with it as I become conscious of it.

Which is a lot lately.

“We don’t have problems, only self imposed limitations.”

As I become conscious of the internal stuff in my journey, it’s been key for me to give myself full permission to experience the next evolutionary step.

How does one do that?

That’s part of what I want to share with you today.

It’s about working with the foundation you currently have to launch your Inner Empire from.

No matter where you’re at right now.

As You Start Construction

“If mistakes provide the best opportunity for discovery and evolution, why do we go around trying to look so sure of ourselves all the time?”- Elizabeth Lesser

I love that question because it makes you take inventory of where you stand with yourself right now.

How honest are you about you and your life stuff?

We could ask:

  • Why don’t we bless our own mess more often?
  • Why do we hide our messes from everyone?
  • What does this end up doing to the construction of our inner empire?
  • Why don’t we share at times as a community what we’re really experiencing so that we can get support from one another in order to live past it?
  • Why don’t we come together to work as a team in order to create the lives we truly desire deserve?

If you’re not sure, I’d check out this short clip about the Open Secret from Elizabeth Lesser.

I can tell you why, it’s because we’re I’m still afraid at times.

I’m afraid of being broken open to everyone. To be exposed, naked or seen as weak. I’m afraid to be judged or no one will want to hear my petty crap. I’m supposed to be Mr. Positive.

Fuck all that.

It actually takes a strong person to allow themselves to be exposed to the world with their not so perfect ways. This is true strength.

If you watched the video, I can tell you I know all of that was is true for me in certain moments.

I continue to exercise sharing my own mess in hopes of inspiring others in taking the next or even their first, evolutionary step in their journey. But maybe I’ve had enough of that? Maybe I’m tired of playing in the messy mud for others to feel Ok about finding their own?

Maybe I’ve got some of it wrong? Or I had to get it wrong in order for it to feel right?

A key part of our journey is enjoying each moment we’re in and not holding out our joy as a promise of a future pay off.

This is why people work at jobs do shit they hate. For a future payoff. I know, I’ve done it and I was miserable.

I would hide my mess from the world and put on the smiley face to show I had it all together.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t have it all together, I pretended I did and it robbed me of my energy.

If you want an example of someone who blesses their messes check out someone like Allison Nazarian‘s blog. Here’s an excerpt from one of her posts.

“But, despite the inherent awesomeness of life, sometimes and some days it is all just too much. Or not right. Or really wrong. Or, for many reasons, just a f*cking mess.

That’s how I felt yesterday.

Like a f*cking mess.”

There’s someone who is conscious of the Open Secret even if she’s never seen the video.

She spreads her mess all over the page as real as it gets in all her gore and glory. She’s living her truth out in the open. ALL of it. Good bad and In between. She saying out loud what you and I may be feeling and I can tell you it gives us permission to say and do what we already deep down feel is the truth.

You don’t have to do what she does publicly. (Although unselfishly she does, or maybe selfishly. Either way is Ok)

But you do have to do it in one way shape or form. You either journal it, share it with a coach, a mentor or a close friend or do start up a blog to exercise sharing your own truth. Express your own message to the world in whatever art form you choose!

You don’t need to wait to start your Inner Empire, just be seriously honest with yourself as you do. Allow yourself to be broken open to your personal truth as you’re building. It gives you permission to be more of who you really see yourself as. It allows you to really be open to the possibilities as you take your next step.

We act in ways that are congruent with how we see ourselves, so see yourself as a real person. Not someone that TV, Movies, Magazines, Advertising  imply you should see yourself as.

When you can internalize this idea you can feel the 85 lbs of bullshit roll right off your back and you’ll breath a huge sigh of relief.

You don’t have to wait to get everything aligned perfectly before building your Inner Empire. That shit never happens.

“Perfection is futility in a pretty package.”

When you give yourself permission to live out in the open it allows you to not have to hide behind your excuses when they pop up. You just go, “Oh yeah, I knew I may run into you Mr. Excuse but you’ll have to excuse me, I have somewhere to be.”

When someone else around you is real, honest and open, you feel more attracted to them don’t you? It feels good to be around them right?

That’s you’re true identity rising up. That’s your soul reaching up for air. That’s your inner empire’s restless nudge.

You can go ahead and be that person right now. You have permission. Not From me, but from within yourself..

Together however, we can support one another in this endeavor.

This can be the power of community.

The Rise of Your Empire

Over the centuries there have been empires built and empires that have fallen. The word Empire derives from the Latin word imperium which stands for absolute authority.

When you hear the word, you may have been conditioned to think of a huge conglomerate of cities, rulers of vast lands or of when Czars ruled the Roman Empire.

You have absolute authority over your inner empire and what goes into it’s construction. Even if that means the authority to surrender.

My friend Nathan Hangen has nailed his dream of building his Digital Empire.

From Nathans Bio:

The digital empire concept was born out of my desire to figure out how I could build a series of businesses that helped me:

  • achieve my goals
  • enjoy not just one activity, but all of those that I love
  • liberate myself from ever needing another job

Nathan got clear on what his outside empire will look like and how he could enjoy the process. Mainly because I’m betting he built his inner empire first. Probably (And I’ll ask him for sure) because he’s done the work over the years brick by inner brick. Some unconsciously and a bunch of it consciously.

His shift like many other entrepreneurs is from getting to giving. From Pain to Power.

To gain, you give and give and give some more. Gaining is a by product of giving value. And a ton of it.

Nathan aligned himself with his values.

One of them I’m betting is Freedom.

The power of living in freedom is more important than the pain of making mistakes. What a kick ass place to be.

Don’t think that’s realistic?

When your empowering values align with your actions it’s just not even real work I tell you.

Everything you do seems effortless, whether it’s working on your problem or your power. (One is a lot more fun to work on than the other though)

Writing these words for you to read right now, is effortless. I love providing insight and inspiration and I know it’s valuable to you. Even if you already possess both you can share my message with others and feel good about it.

What the hell is important to you? Stand for it. Say it, do it, start expressing it and experiencing it.

When I say experience it I mean the joy of the journey, the pain of falling down, the determination of getting back up and the feeling of fulfillment that you’re living it all out. ALL OF IT.

Ask any of us that put ourselves on the line and we’ll tell you, it’s the sum of it all that creates the amazing experience of building an empire inside and out. This is how you reclaim your dream.

The inner empire is built by the joys of success and the pain of the mistakes. Truth is, a vast amount of my character up till now has been built on my mistakes but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoying focusing on my power!

Oh yeah, I got lots of that too.

I used to be afraid of making mistakes, as of today I welcome when they happen because I am broken open and welcoming my power.

This the rise of my empire and is yours too.

Growing Your Inner Empire

It may go without being said that growing your inner empire through new learned knowledge can be powerful. But most of the time folks end up with a shelf full of books, CD’s and home study programs that are never opened or really digested at all.

I’m not saying it isn’t important to self help. I’ve certainly read, watched and listened to my fair share and still will but without getting constipated with knowledge.

“We upgrade everything in life, TV’s, stereo’s, cars, houses, cell phones, wardrobes,  DVD players…Why not our thoughts?“-Frank AuCoin

But how about when you have a shift from working on your power instead of your problems? You can grow from power instead of just pain. Danielle LaPorte’s comes from an empowering place that I’m sure may have taken her time to get to. But she’s there never the less.

From her post:

“Continually staring down your demons can be an act of avoidance all it’s own.
Recapitulating (to restate the main points) the reasons for your hurts, and isms, and faults can become addictive in and of itself.
Eventually, you have to stop picking a fight with your true nature and decide to seek the joy that underlies it All.”

I dunno about you but I like how that shift feels.

I like knowing I’m building my Inner Empire from a place of power, by acknowledging my gifts. I’ve acknowledged my mess and can clean it up along the way because there will never be a lack of it.

So in the mean time:

  • Why not grow your inner empire by taking care of the body that’s housing it?
  • Why not grow your inner empire by putting your efforts into work or hobbies that juice you?
  • Why not grow your inner empire by writing down exactly what this could mean to you and those around you?
  • Why not grow your inner empire by writing out exactly what power of yours you posses and excel at?
  • Why not grow your inner empire by surrounding yourself with others who decide to seek the joy that underlies it all too?

You’re not broken. Maybe just not broken open to the idea that playing in your power is possible.

Frankly, I totally fucking dig the idea and will be exploring it thoroughly.

What if you shifted from your problems to your power?

Allow yourself to see what that looks like and how it feels.

Surrender to the idea that you’re Inner Empire is awesome as it is and that from today on you can start where you’re at.

Surrender isn’t a place of weakness. It’s where powerful people hang out. Surrender to the idea. Set aside your traditional routines of thought and this is where magical things can happen.

Make your claim, stand for what’s important to you and move forward with a great feeling of empowerment.

Your Inner Empire starts here.

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Living Life At The Speed of Trust

Written on June 27, 2010 by tony in Human SEO
21 Comments - Leave a comment!
Traffic on Freeway

I Don’t Trust You

What If said to you, “I don’t trust you.”

Just consider how it feels for a minute.

Did it piss you off or maybe hurt your feelings?

Did you shrug it off and say you don’t give a shit?

I want you to ask yourself another question…

Would you ever think of saying such a thing to yourself out loud or in your head?

Go ahead, say it to yourself.

Feels awkward doesn’t it?

It felt really weird when I gave thought to it but I have to admit I’ve said it to myself lately. There’s been a price to pay for it too.

“One comes, finally, to believe whatever one repeats to one’s self, whether the statement is true or false.”-Napoleon Hill

All you and I have to do is look around at our results in life in order to see if the statement is true or not.

“If you’re really growing internally, your life will reveal clear evidence of positive change.”-Steve Pavlina

If this hurts I’m almost sorry. I’m taking stock and sharing some of my own inner dialogue with you and if it happens to resonate that means the good stuff coming up will too. ;-)

Here’s a few questions to ask yourself,

  • “Is trust a currency I really believe in?“
  • “If so do I spend it on myself first and foremost?” (Like paying yourself first = savings)
  • “And if not should I, would I and could I be willing to give myself permission to spend it on me…in truckloads?”

You see, if you don’t trust yourself, you won’t give yourself permission to live your life out loud.

You have to trust yourself into action.

If you’re not growing (via measurable results) you either don’t trust yourself to take action or you’re afraid of getting it wrong when you do.

So what do you do?

  • You read another book
  • Listen to another audio
  • Attend another seminar
  • Buy another course
  • Or you just make up some lame damn excuse why none of it is working.

Sometimes you just have to have faith in the fact that you’re moving in the right direction, even if you’re not totally sure yet!

Who cares if you get it right at first?

If you’re not getting criticized then you’re probably not taking enough of a risk!

You may very well be standing still and playing it too damn safe.

You have to trust yourself into action.

Standing Still In Life

Anything is better than just standing still, even if you get it wrong the first time around.

Let me ask you, could you compose any music if you didn’t pick up the instrument?

Believe me, I think I’ve stood still for damn near 5 years of my life and It sucked.

  • All because I didn’t trust myself to make the right decisions
  • All because I allowed my past actions and how I felt about myself to dictate what I did (or didn’t do) in the present
  • All because I judged myself more than anyone else ever could have
  • All because I didn’t trust myself to make the moves then make them right
  • I didn’t want to be wrong
  • I didn’t trust myself to be able to handle the criticism if I got it wrong
  • I didn’t want to be responsible if I got it right (Jeeze right?!)
  • I didn’t trust myself to be able to have faith in something bigger than me

Today I ask that you and I take the pledged to have faith in something bigger than ourselves.

Today I ask that you and I pledge to work together to overcome our inner obstacles when they pop up, not before. That way we can’t use them as an excuse for not getting started.

Today I ask that we support one another in living our lives out loud, whatever that process looks like.

Getting It Wrong To Get It Right

I’ll use my blog writing escapade as an example of trusting myself into action and even finding support in the last place you’d ever imagine.

To this day I still don’t get my blogging grammar right and honestly I haven’t really tried terribly hard. I still misspell a word even after I’ve spell checked it a gazillion times. I write like I talk much of the time so I’m sure the technical writers can’t even stomach my writing because of it.

I still get criticized from time to time for using words wrong or spelling them incorrectly and you know what?

I get annoyed.

Yes, admittedly I do. I say to myself, “You mean you read that whole fucking article and the only thing you got out of it was that I spelled 2 words wrong and I shouldn’t have used a preposition at the end of the sentence?” Oh, and then I insert another expletive somewhere afterwords too. Not very mature.

Yes I’ve trusted myself to do the best I can and then I’ve pushed publish.

“You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it going.“-Mike Litman

That quote worked when I first started blogging and believe me I’ve come a long way from my first blog however you and I can’t live in the past.

I can’t use, “Oh I’m just getting it going” as a crutch anymore.

No, there comes a time to step up your game.

There’s a gift to be found even in the critic. (Damnit)

The other side of the coin is these people are demanding the best out of me, they are acknowledging where I can become stronger and maybe even taken more seriously as a writer.

They probably give a damn if you think about it. Otherwise they would just say, “Um, he’s a douche who can’t doesn’t care enough to take the time to spell right” and dismiss my message all together.

My perception is to accept the gift they are giving me. How you perceive it is up to you.

An Artists Way

“I think to call someone an Artist means they have some sense of a higher purpose beyond commerce. Not that they don’t profit from their work, or promote themselves, but that the work itself has spiritual, philosophical, emotional or experiential attributes as central goals. An artist’s work is about an idea, a feeling, or an exploration of a form, framed more by their own intuitions, than the checklists and protocols of bureaucracies and corporations.”- Scott Berkun

This whole quote really spoke to me. Even though he spent his time telling you why you’re not an artist by definition, I want to share with you why I think you are.

He says, “An artists work is about an idea, a feeling or an exploration of a form, framed by their own intuitions.”

  • What is the idea, feeling or life that you want to explore today?
  • How will you frame it for the world to see?
  • Trust yourself to live by your own intuition so that you can get to work on it.
  • Splash yourself in dramatic fashion all over your canvas of life!

Watch as the paint drips even in the dark corners of the room that surround you and live in the light of your day because this is what the people who create art do.

Bless your mess then get undressed and dance in the rain of life.

Your life is your greatest masterpiece. It’s your art. It’s your message to the world.

Trust yourself into action. Say your message out loud. Live it out loud.

What Are Your Possibilities

Here’s a question to ask yourself:

What would you need to believe for it to be possible to leave every person, place or moment better than when you first encountered it?

If you just said “that’s not possible,” then just click the little “X” at the top of the page.

You must believe in the possibilities, then the details will follow.

The more you have faith trust in yourself, surround yourself with people who support you and nurture those relationships, the easier it is for you to create your ideal life. You’ll be more willing to take positive risk.

I am surrounded by amazing people who love me, care for me, empower me and support me but none of it means anything if I don’t trust myself to be open to them, to learn from them and to see my inner most greatness within them. I love he critic and the cynic just as much as the supporter.

To trust my own greatness and intuition is the 1st step in living life at the speed of trust.

When you fall in love with you again and really trust yourself into action you will:

  • Risk experiencing success
  • Risk having positive experiences
  • Risk meeting more new empowering relationships
  • Risk moving forward from fear to freedom

It’s a calculated risk my friend. It’s only a matter of time before you create a life message that reaches out far enough to touch the inner most core of someone who you change their life forever.

The speed of which it all happens is up to you.

This is a life at the speed of trust.

You have to trust yourself into action.

Even though this message was more for me than anything, would you share this with someone today? I can’t help but feel it’s exactly what someone else is ready to hear.

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You’ve Never Been More Ready Than Now

Written on June 20, 2010 by tony in Personal Development
40 Comments - Leave a comment!
Young friends lined up ready for racer

My Message To You

“I can appreciate your opinion but you’ll have to pardon me if I don’t heed your advice, my give o’ shit meter is broken.“

If you want to Create change in your life, experience personal freedom and make a difference in peoples lives you’ll have to not give a damn what the majority of people think right now.

You want to start a new business?

Do the research and start it.

Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of people tell you, “Are you nuts? The Economy is horrible right now!”

Point them to your broken give o’ shit meter.

The fact is there are more people starting businesses right now in the U.S. than when the DotCom explosion went down and a big reason is long term unemployment in the united states is at a 46%. The highest it’s ever been. (Don’t let the recent 400,000 + new jobs fool you. They were short term census jobs)

Right now there is no better time than now to embrace change because it’s coming whether we like it or not.

The better news is that right now there has never been more available information, more collaborative tools, more mentors to coach & support you and more overall opportunity than right now.

You’ve never been more ready than right now to move into a new direction.

You’ve never been more prepared than you are right now based on all of your successes and even more importantly, all of your failures.

Those failures learning experiences have taught you a lot about yourself haven’t they? Think about it. They’ve taught you that you can get back up after one and be that much more wiser and confident.

Well I’m hooking you up with what I call some new thought downloads via TED Talks to assist in arming yourself mentally for change and growth. These 3 videos have inspired the hell out of me in moving forward with my own business recently and I hope they do the same for you.

Oh and you don’t even have to leave the page to watch the videos below. Just hover your mouse over the link and the video pops up for you. Aren’t I nice? :-)

1. Chris Guillebeau

Fear and Permission (run time 18:00)

“If you really wanted to acknowledge your fear and and get over it, at some point you have to be willing to step up on the stage…whatever the stage represents in your life.”

“Fear and anxiety is just repeatedly experiencing failure in advance.“-Seth Godin

“If you want to really do something great, if you really want to overcome fear you have to start by giving yourself permission.”

My Biggest Take Away:

  1. Become aware I have a give o’ shit meter to begin with. It’s ok, we all have one. It’s just a matter of if I’m going to break it and do what I want anyway. I really liked the concept of the freedom we experienced as a kid with a permission slip and writing myself one today.
  2. It’s not the big picture that scares me, it’s all the little details around the big picture that keeps me fearful.
  3. Saying goodbye to my routines and knowing what my day is going to be like. It can be scary as hell but at the same time necessary for change and liberating once actually you do it.

2. Simon Sinek

How great leaders inspire action (run time 18:02)

“If you don’t know why you do what you do, and people respond to why you do what you do, how will you will ever get anyone to vote for you, or buy something or more importantly, be loyal and want to be a part of  what you do.”

“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.”

“If you talk about what you believe, you’ll attract those who believe what you believe.”

“The innovators and early adopters, their comfortable making those gut decisions, their more comfortable making those intuitive decisions that are driven by what they believe about the world…”

My Biggest Take Away:

  1. Take the time to get clear on why you do what you do
  2. Align yourself with people who believe what you believe
  3. What you do proves what you believe
  4. This video inspired me to push myself over the edge to more consciously craft value for others.

3. David Logan

Tribal Leadership (run time 16:32)

“…to find someone who is a member of a tribe, and find someone who is part of another tribe and introduce them. That is what great tribal leaders do.”

“As people see the world, so they behave. well if people see the world in such a way that life sucks, then their behavior will follow automatically.”

“When individuals come together and find something that unites them that’s greater than their individual competence then something very important happens, the group gels and it changes from a group of highly motivated but fairly individually centric people into something larger, into a tribe that becomes aware of it’s own existence.”

My Biggest Take Away:

  1. Where there is no road map it’s peoples values and a noble cause within the group that lead them
  2. Leaders are Fluent at all 5 Tribal stages (Gotta watch the video)
  3. What kind of impact is my tribe I’m a part of making?
  4. Am I introducing tribal members to other tribes?
  5. I can do a much better job of moving the tribe towards a bigger cause

In Closing

I believe all of these videos lead from one to the other and are inherently connected in their messages.

  1. Give yourself permission to lead yourself
  2. Discover what drives you, why it drives you and learn how to communicate it so that others buy into it and you’re able to inspire action
  3. Use what you’ve learned from Chris and Simon in order to move tribes through the stages in order to connect them together and create great change via common values and a cause

And finally an ending thought I snapped up on Twitter last night:

“Experience matters more than education. Highlight things you have *done*, not skills you’ve learned.“- Jordan Cooper

Don’t just learn the stuff I share and file it away as, “Ok I know that now.”

Put it into useful purposeful action. I’m doing so as I speak and some of you have already started helping.  I can’t wait to get From Fear to Freedom‘s message to the masses, which brings me back to my opening message.

You’ve never been more ready than right now to experience your personal freedom and do what the hell you want to do.

Do you know why you aren’t doing it?

Break your give a shit meter. Who cares!

It’s the one broken tool that can be incredibly powerful in moving you internally from fear to your freedom. Go ahead and give yourself permission to move!

What is your biggest take away from today’s post?

If you’ve declared to break the give o’ shit meter drop the hammer down on it by leaving a comment about your biggest take away in the comments section below.  Oh, and do us all favor by forwarding this post to someone you care about!

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The (My) Guide to Asking for Whatever You Want

Written on June 13, 2010 by tony in Personal Development
12 Comments - Leave a comment!
Education - I know the answer Womans finger p...

Can I…

First and foremost I’m going to share with you the winner of last weeks Delivering Happiness contest because it is seriously tied to this post.

Everyone who participated submitted awesome entries. Unfortunately I could only pick one. Jessica Droeger (AKA) Slackermomspeaks nailed it as best I saw it with her entry below:

Great, passionate review Tony. I’ve heard so much about Zappos.com and really would love to read the book! I’m pretty much working on all of those values right now (maybe my problem is that I’m a bit scattered in my efforts).

So, for this contest I’m picking #4.

I tend to let fear hold me back.

So I’m going really work on being adventurous and creative this week.

I’m giving my very first public presentation about Reiki on Sunday. I’ve been putting off developing the presentation and the flyer and other materials because I’m afraid they’ll suck. But I’m going to work on them right now and they are going to rock!

  • I’m going to be creative and open-minded about my approach.
  • I’m going to put a muzzle on my inner critic.
  • I’m going to go out and help people by introducing them to this simple yet powerful healing therapy that they can learn to do themselves!
  • I’m going to help people help themselves.

Thanks for the inspiration Tony!

Congratulations to Jessica and to everyone else who participated!

The fact is, everyone won big because of the time taken to really get specific about what they wanted and acting on it.

Not to mention everyone who participated is going to get an advanced copy of the Ebook From Fear to Freedom before I officially release it to the public in a few weeks!

This contest had a direct impact on this post I was planning on writing which leads us to the next installment of  “The (My) Guide” series.

Jessica has something she was afraid of but also had something to move towards.

Regardless she decided to Lead Herself into action.

Asking For Whatever You Want

I surveyed you, the readers of this blog that are on the newsletter list, not too long ago and one of the topics that came up a lot when asking what your biggest fears and frustrations were, was this:

“Asking for what I want – and feeling its okay to do that.“

And the outcome you desired?

“Feeling confident about asking for what I want.”

Feelings.

Ah, those sneaky little boogers we call feelings. Feelings can seem elusive if we allow them to be, but they really aren’t. Leaders master their thoughts, emotions and actions.

What If I told you all you had to do to feel confident in asking for what in life, was to just to start with mastering your thoughts?

What If I said you had to focus on your belief that you deserved to have whatever you want?

How would that feel?

It would probably feel a bit elusive to you yet still. Maybe even woo woo sounding.

What is it that leads you to believe that you don’t deserve to ask for what you want anyway?

My guess is a lack of certainty is at the root of this mess.

Let’s kick it’s ass.

The 3 Keys To Asking For What You Want

“We as leaders need to wake up and lead.”-Me

Thoughts trigger your emotions and your emotions trigger  your actions.

  1. Thoughts
  2. Emotions
  3. Actions

It’s your thoughts around what you don’t want which trigger your fears.

  • Your thoughts of Fear keeps you frozen.
  • Your thoughts of Fear keeps you paralyzed.
  • Your thoughts of fear keeps you analyzing and searching for more data, looking for more knowledge or more information before you move forward.

Fear keeps you in s state of not claiming what you do truly desire and deserve. You tell yourself a story that keeps you from having what you enjoy.

This is not what serious leaders believe and it’s not how they act. (And I’m not talking about just business people in suits either)

The problem is that this formula of ::your thoughts lead to your emotions and your emotions lead you taking action:: happens almost 100% unconsciously.

Those who bring the unconscious conscious, take control of their lives and create movements that are magical. It’s not fate, it’s purposeful!

Just look at:

  • Dr. Martin Luther King
  • Abraham Lincoln
  • Gandhi
  • Nelson Mandela

So let’s explore the 3 Keys.

1. Upgrading Your Thoughts

“There isn’t any reason, except for the ones you make up, why you can’t turn your passions into a way of life that sustains your lifestyle.”-me

People only do things for two reasons:

•    To get things we want
•    Or avoid things we don’t want

It’s nuts but it’s the avoidance that’s the most powerful of the two.

Unless you know how to truly inspire yourself and in turn inspire others.

Thoughts are what either keep you frozen or propel you towards your birthright.

  • Your birthright is abundance
  • Your birthright is creativity
  • Your birthright is to be and feel love
  • Your birthright is whatever you want that brings you joy.

What leads you to believe otherwise?

I dare anyone to give me one good reason why they shouldn’t be aligning themselves in the lifestyle of their choice.

Oh I’m sure you can tell me a great story but is it one that’s empowering you or uninspiring you? Is it a story that is building you, your life and your business/career to heights that are fulfilling?

If not, put the bullshit stories to bed!

Let’s just say that your story is something you can discover and change starting now. If I can, being a C- minus high school student with no experience at this stuff, then I know you can too.

You are fucking powerful. Seriously.

Yes I know. It takes work making the unconscious bullshit stories conscious. There is not EASY BUTTON but I tell you, it’s worth it. Just ask any leader or someone who’s done something out of the box, inspired others and lead to making change.

We as leaders need to wake up and lead.

Here’s how great leaders have done it, and how you and I can do it too.

Your Consciousness Exercise

Thoughts are pictures and sounds in our head.

So let’s create some new pictures and sounds:

  1. Write down everything you don’t want in your life.
  2. Now next to everything you don’t like about your life or want in your life write the exact opposite out.
  3. Now read out loud the opposite positive outcomes in a clear confident tone.

Sure it may feel a bit weird at first but damnit do it, it works!

Now start asking yourself out loud:

  • What would I have to let go of (such as a belief or thought) in order to see that process starting?
  • What would have to happen in order for me to start the process?
  • What do I need to believe to take action right now?
  • What would be possible when I achieve this outcome?

Right down those answers. I’m not kidding. Write. Them. Down.

Keep reading out loud everyday those things you now know you deserve in your life. Do it first thing in the morning and last thing at night before you go to bed.

Start believing with absolutely certainty your desired outcome.

What I really mean is:

Give yourself permission to enjoy your fucking life!

The reasons you make up for not asking for what you want from life are bullshit stories. Stories that you may not even be conscious of until you do this exercise. Dump your personal prejudices for gods sake.

It’s no different whether you’re asking what you want from your life or you’re asking the guy or girl out that you’ve really wanted to but haven’t.

Could you get shot down or your desire not work out how you expected it to?

Sure.

But so what. That was going to happen anyway somewhere down the road. If you don’t think so, then you’re being naive and playing small.

Leaders don’t ask themselves, “What if doesn’t work.”

You have to ask yourself, “But what if it does work? What would be possible then?”

Damn, now that my friend is an empowering thought.

2. Employ Your Empowering Emotions

“When you’re doing something worth while the wisdom from following through seldom comes without risk.” -Me

The simple way to put this is thoughts trigger emotions and If your thoughts are negative you’re going to make up a lot more risk in your head than is necessary.

Really it’s the pictures and audio in your head that you create via your thought that triggers your emotions.

I do it still all the time when I post stuff to this blog.

  • What if it someone thinks it sucks.
  • What if someone challenges me on my perspective.
  • What if, what if, what if…

If you’re unconsciously letting shit bounce around in your head that doesn’t provide empowering pictures and audio then I can assure you, you’re kinda pretty hosed as far as purposely living and doing what you love.

You and I can consciously create pictures and audio in our head all day long that decide how we feel about all this life stuff.

Now I have pictures and audio in my head of:

  • What if I touch someones life and they share their success story with the community?
  • What if someone finds my work and wants to joint venture on an even bigger project?
  • What if I this post ends up as part of a book I write in the near future that positively impacts millions of peoples lives?

How’s that for a Sunday brunch on a cool summer day by the lake?

Negative thoughts still bouncing around?

Feel something is way too risky?

Take the time to think it through and take the time to put a damn plan in place.

For example. Afraid to start a business from scratch and quit your day job cold turkey for example? (Which I don’t recommend)

Start up your online/offline business spare time part time. Learn it and put systems in place that create leverage while you still have the semi-security of your traditional 9-5 income coming in. If you make any mistakes it’s Ok! You and the family aren’t out much. Just a little time.

So where’s the risk now?

Do you feel better about the supposed risk now? Take calculated risks!

I’m not saying you should take stupid risks, but damnit, there’s going to be risk in whatever you do if it’s worth a damn! Just put something in place that supports you and makes you feel good about moving forward.

That’s how you can create empowering emotions that fire off and make you feel good. Now you purposely propel yourself towards taking action on what you do want.

So to start mastering your thoughts in order to really trigger those kick ass emotions:

  • Listen to empowering audio
  • Watch empowering video
  • Surround yourself with empowering associations
  • Participate in empowering events and hobbies
  • Read inspiring books
  • Read my damn blog ;-)

Master your thoughts and you’ll master your emotions.

This is what leaders do.

This leads to step three and taking purposeful action.

3. Impacting Your Action

“What you do for you could be life changing to someone else so follow your heart. You may be someone elses inspiration.”-Me

If you’re not taking action then I suggest painting the picture of playing a bigger game because that’s really what I’ve been eluding to this whole time.

What bigger game could you be playing right now?

Well let’s go back to your exercise in Step 1. where you listed out what you do want your life to look like.

How big was some of that stuff on your positive list?

Paying your bills on time is not a bigger game by the way. Sorry, I’m just say’en.

Where some of things you put down major game changers from where you’re at right now?

  • Starting a Successful business built around my passion
  • Creating a non-profit
  • Becoming a big brother/big sister
  • Sponsoring a charity
  • Working my spouse out of a job so we can can stay home together with the kids

Did the voice in your head say something like, “Holy shit balls, I don’t think any of that’s realistic!”

I hate the word realistic by the way. For real.

Chances are if you didn’t have something like that go off in your head you’re not playing a big enough game. I get right now being able to just pay bills on time is a big deal for a lot of folks. I’m not playing that down. I’m just say’en if that’s all you focus on you’ll stay right there.

“Focus on the short-term stress & you might miss the opportunity. Focus on the long-term opportunity & you’ll more easily manage the stress“-Simon Sinek

When you manufacture empowering structured thoughts, you manufacture healthy emotions.

When you can consciously and purposely align your positive thoughts and healthy empowering emotions with your actions you can create a shit storm of good stuff in your life and for anyone who comes in contact with it.

You won’t feel as if you aren’t deserving to ask someone for something you want such as assistance, feedback, support or help in accomplishing your desired result.

You have a greater purpose and you know you’ll need a team and a network to do it with.

So What Now

First things first is you’ve gotta know that you’re asleep and you need to wake up and lead!

Lead yourself.

Lead your family.

Lead your children.

Free yourself of routines that keep you sleeping walking!

Lead yourself by giving you permission to experience joy! You’re not a kid anymore asking mom or dad for a toy or candy at the grocery store. You’re an adult that has choices and your joy should be the first choice you make.

That’s simply what I’ve done and I remind myself to do.

  • I get clear on what I want.
  • I consciously put good stuff in my head and put myself around people who help support it.
  • I feel good about myself and nurture those emotions. (They lead to feeling inspired a lot)
  • I act upon my inspirations!

Does everything I act upon work?

Nope.

I can’t say it does.

Matter of fact a lot of it doesn’t but I’ve learned to discipline my disappointments Do I still have bad days or go backwards like anyone else? Sometimes, however I don’t stay there for long because I just realize that was only one trail that didn’t get me where I saw myself going.

There’s a bunch more ways to get where I’m going!

I don’t sulk about setbacks because I know I’m doing what I love and what I love is much bigger than any stuff that may pop up while doing it.

That gives me a serious feeling of confidence and confidence is a derivative of certainty.

A feeling of certainty is exactly what you’re looking for to build confidence.

When I know what greater cause or purpose I’m working on and moving towards It creates a sense of certainty for me, I don’t mind at all asking for help, support, feedback or assistance.

I have already given myself permission to live a life of joy and I’m confident the actions I take will support that life of joy. It will be messy sometimes but I’m OK with that.

It’s not a perfect system but that’s why I call it “The (My) Guide.

So leave your feedback below.

What can you add if you’re already in a place of feeling it’s OK to ask for help, support or assistance in your personal or business/career growth?

What successes have you had in getting what you want and how did you get it?

Was this article (Ok small book) helpful?

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