Simply Settling

Let me share with you a quote by Woody Allen. It goes something like this:

“If you’re not failing every now and then it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.”

Why would you or I not try something innovative, bold or even purposely attempt to make a difference in life?

• Because you’re content?
• Inside you quietly decided to settle?
• Because they are afraid of ridicule?
• Because you don’t think you’re good or god enough?

“By not making a decision you still have an impact on your outcomes.“-Me

Of course that isn’t the story you and I have told ourselves. We rationalize it six different ways to Sunday why something can’t work or won’t work outside of ourselves.

Hell I’ve done it.

Um actually, I still at times catch myself doing it!

You can settle in all area’s of your life by the way, financially, romantically, emotionally, spiritually etc. So this isn’t about settling for less physical stuff, it’s about settling for a quality of life that is less than what you or I are capable of.

Let’s cover 4 reasons why I’ve settled in the past, see if any of them resonate with you and then give you some steps to let them go bye bye if they do.

1. Low Self Esteem

This is a big one that I struggled with for years. With my childhood abuse I many times wondered why it happened to me and thought myself a victim all the way into adulthood, I struggled with drug abuse and alcohol abuse up into my 20′s because of a low self esteem.

As an example when you have a low self esteem you’ll settle for relationships that are less than healthy like I have because you don’t believe you’re worthy of a healthier one. Or you won’t start a home based business because you don’t feel you’re capable. You are capable but you’ll just require to learn some new skills. But maybe you won’t do that because…

2. Comfort

Settling because you’re comfortable is a dangerous place. You don’t even feel the negative effects until it’s too late. When you’re comfortable you stop growing and the  fact is if you’re not growing you’re dying. You may not see it right away but comfort can be the silent killer.

An example would be someone who takes for granted their partner in a relationship until it’s too late and the other person leaves. Or when someone is comfortable at their job and they get laid off. They have no plan B and they have no saved income.

3. Beliefs

“Belief is an emotion which creates certainty.“-Tony Robbins

If you challenge your current beliefs you’re the minority. I’ve said it many times and I’ll say it many more times. People hold fast to their beliefs. They fear change because that means leaving behind a part of themselves that they believe is their identity the feeling of certainty makes them feel good, even if it’s not in their best interest. Which means they would have to challenge their current beliefs and their certainty. That would mean facing their real truths and that’s painful. Their mind says, “Now way!”

Lots of people would rather be right and experience the feeling of certainty (which feels good) than be rich. I interpret rich as in spirit, hope, inspiration, relationships or financially.

4. Fear

This is the root of settling. If there had to be a grandfather of it all it would be fear. People settle because they are afraid. Afraid of what? They are afraid of failure AND success. Afraid of success in their relationships, business, emotionally or even spiritually.

People (me) will sabotage their happiness to stay where they are comfortable, even if the outcome leads to a painful outcome. Why have I done this? Because I didn’t acknowledge or know my core beliefs & values. I didn’t challenge the core beliefs that I already had.

Many times people aren’t even aware of why they are making the choices they are. They just fall victim to their circumstances and chalk it up to bad luck.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”-Carl Jung

That’s not you today by the way. You now are at least conscious of the fact and it’s going to get even better.

Making the Unconscious Now Conscious

So here are some tools to that I’ve personally used and am currently using to overcome these 4 things:

1. Low Self Esteem Booster

Educate yourself as to how you can flex your self esteem muscles. Consciously becoming aware of what it may look like to break the cycle of low self esteem is a good start.

Know that it could be a good 30 day process to instill new habits that improve your self image. Know that you’ll need to break the gravitational pull like a rocket does exiting the earths atmosphere.  You will want to acknowledge some new habits that support a healthy self esteem. It will feel like an uphill battle for the first 10 days. You’ll crest around 18 to 20 days and after that your new healthy supporting habits start to feels natural.

Inertia can be a bear to break through in the beginning but breaking the gravitational pull of your self defeating thoughts is handled one step at a time through little successes and knowledge of what the process looks like. Good support like a mentor or a coach are a huge help too in guidance and accountability.

2. Comfort Crusher

You’re comfortable because you haven’t acknowledged where you’re headed! More importantly you haven’t acknowledged any new passions! Your mind is like underwear. Once you stretch it, it doesn’t go back! So let’s stretch it! Take some time and write down what you’re passionate about and what is it that you see yourself doing that you’ve never done before.

An example of mine is I want to take singing lessons. I’m an ok singer but I want to really kick ass at it. I’ve never done it before and I’ll feel great about actually doing it. Am I a little uncomfortable about singing for someone? Maybe but I want to be able to sing over some of the music tracts I’ve written and do inspirational videos like the dripping with motivation track. I want to create a full experience for people to get immersed in to help inspire them to action.

You see what my focus is and where I’m headed? It’s not that I’m scared people will make fun of my singing.

3. Belief Busters

The only way to challenge your beliefs is to ask yourself better questions.

This is you purposely choosing a life of awareness. Choose to start living in the now rather than comparing all of your current moments to past beliefs which are all based on incomplete truths anyway. If you have a problem with this area consider identifying your core values which do make up your current beliefs. Re-wire your brain for an abundance of love!

• What would need to happen in order for me to start living my purpose?
• If I started taking action on my purpose, what would be possible?
• Where would I need to begin?
• What actions would I have to start taking to make it happen today?
• What would I have to give up in order to start taking that action or step out of old patterns?
• How would I feel about myself if I did take a specific action towards living my purpose?
• Who has already done what I want to do and how could I get in touch with them?

Questions are powerful and quite frankly your (My) brain is lazy and doesn’t like to work that damn hard. Every so often it needs a good swift kick in the ass in order to get booted up in the right direction.

These questions are an awesome start.

4. Fear Is Flawed

How have I overcome fear of moving forward?

Surrender to them first. Then, embracing the idea of falling in love with my fears.

What you fear the most you must love the most.

1. Your fear is there to challenge you but if you resist it you will be purposely persisting it.
2. Your fear is your biggest lesson or your biggest conflict.
3. Become the cause or be the effect(ed).

One of my favorite books on this is Beyond Fear by Don Miguel Ruiz. You must learn to embrace your fears. Acknowledging it as an opportunity for a moment of awareness. You’re bumping up against old beliefs that are completely open to being challenged if you so choose.

Life is one big fat illusion anyway if you really get down to it. Your fears are a manifestation of your personal perception. You have a choice over your perception. You can be the cause in life.

You can’t be afraid of fear. Either surrender to it, love it and give it a big hug or kick it in the ass and send it down the road.

Now What

People can fear what stretches them the most. John C. Maxwell said:

“People are like rubber bands, they are most effective when they are stretched.”

If you have a rubber band laying around what is it’s purpose if it’s not being used?

• What doors will be opened by your choosing to stretch towards your vision?
• What new experiences and joys are possible when you do?
• How would you feel about yourself when you do?

Are you stretching? Have you settled somewhere in your life? Emotionally, spiritually or in a relationship?

Live a life well lived by challenging your current beliefs, your current circumstances and more importantly live a life of awareness. You’re entering into a whole new experience of life if you choose.

“Any action is a cause in action.“-Tony Robbins

Are there any different reasons you’ve found as to why you’ve settled?

If so what is one thing you’ve done differently to overcome it?

Share in the comments below!

Did I Really?

I realize this may not paint me in the most flattering light however I give you both sides of me here. There is much to learn in our dualities and I’m not one to run from either.

I used to say when I screw up, I screw up big. But that would be a another phrase, revealing another philosophy for another blog post. You’ll know what I mean when you get done reading this post.

So I was on the phone yesterday with someone I was talking to for the very first time.

The conversation was good, there was a definite connection within the conversation of being on the same vibe of interests.

We were on the topics of spiritualism, personal education interests and business.

Everything was quite enjoyable.

Then it happened.

Or I should say I created it.

I made the comment, “When it comes to people breaking out of the mold of a 9-5,  they won’t do it regardless of the positive possibilities. With some folks you just can’t fix stupid.”

Shit, did I say that for real?

Is that just a wee bit condescending and judgmental?

Ok, it was a lot.

Fact is I’ve made that statement for the past few years. I know I picked it up from the industry I was in prior. There was a lot of antagonist leaders who don’t really see it as assisting people with gaining more freedom from their 9-5′s but more as if the prospect wouldn’t make the shift for fear of there not being any security in a home based business or buy said product, they were deemed as stupid.

When the person wouldn’t take action (Or made excuses) even when there was a positive possibility they were deemed as stupid.

Hence the statement, you can’t fix stupid.

Now that I write it out and read it myself I realize just how much of an asshole I must have come across as in the past. Without judgment I really discovered just how much that statement created a separation between myself and others.

Coming to Consciousness

Luckily the person I was talking to called me on it (In an ever so smooth way)

Her response?

She actually laughed slightly (almost an uncomfortable laugh) and just said she couldn’t possibly think of people in that way and that she does the very best she can to shield herself from such thought or people who think that way. (Ouch, big hint)

She said she chooses not to judge people in such a manner and she chooses to believe that people are doing the best that they can with what they have to work with in the moment.

“If someone hasn’t read what you’ve read, seen what you’ve seen, heard what you’ve heard or experienced what you’ve experienced don’t expect them to have the same perspective as you.” -Frank AuCoin

How many times have I said that quote to myself but yet I still made the statement?

I didn’t feel judged by this other person either. (Practicing what she preaches) I just felt that she was stating her perspective from a sincere point of view and I picked it up loud and clear.

I’m blessed that I was called on it even if indirectly because I believe this is one of those phrases that I have allowed to be ingrained in my subconscious that was just running on auto pilot. It has me curious what other stuff I still have to expunge from my thoughts?

How much other separation have I created?

I didn’t go into resistance on the matter because I knew what she was saying resonated with me even as uncomfortable as I felt. I started to want to defend the statement just out of a knee jerk reaction but I surrendered instead and thanked her for her perspective in a round about way.

Self Judgment Be Gone

Fact is I didn’t really realize how much that statement was a philosophy. One that I’ve said out loud too many times.

It’s a philosophy of which I didn’t realize was probably keeping me from connecting with more people on a deeper level. Although I admit I’ve been much more conscious of it than before. I required a reminder and I’m grateful for it.

I started to be upset with myself afterwords but chose not to go into judgment. I chose to reflect on the experience with gratitude.

That isn’t something I probably wouldn’t have done in the past.

I can assure you the experience was a bit painful in the moment (Don’t worry, my ego was the only thing that got hurt) however it happened exactly as it should and I’m positive the phrase will never utter from my lips again.

Surrender+Gratitude=Being present

At least the equation worked for me in the situation. Could it possibly work for you when you find yourself in resistance of a certain experience?

I’m still discovering things about myself that I feel I must let go of and not be in judgment of so that I free up more energy to use in a positive fashion. I choose to realize these are moments of clarity to be grateful of.

I realize there are philosophies that not everyone is going to agree with and I’ll get resistance on. But this was a phrase where it’s clear to me it’s created a lot of separation between myself and good energy.

• Have you found yourself using phrases that have revealed a certain philosophy?
• Can you think of one right off the top of your head right now?
• Is it one that serves you and others or does it separate you from others?

I wouldn’t dwell on the subject terribly hard, but over the next week maybe carry around some 3×5 cards and write down phrases that you use and spend a moment to reflect on what they reveal about your thoughts and philosophies.

One of my secrets is that I always carry around 3×5 cards to jot down ideas that come to me, quotes that jump out in my head or to write down books or sites that someone suggests.

I’ll be adding my own phrases that I catch myself using and reflecting on them to further explore my thoughts & philosophies and confirm if they serve me and others or separate my from others.

What about you?