The Only 3 Things We Care About

Written on March 19, 2010 by tony in Personal Development
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The Only 3 Things We Care About

I know this is a big claim however a good friend shared this with me and I’d love your feedback on how on target he is.

Here are your 3 things and in order as they are important in life to 90% of people and their fast paced lives:

  • Relationships
  • Money
  • Health

And in that order of importance to 90% of the population.

Relationships

Think about it this way, when you were a toddler, teenager and young adult weren’t relationships most important to you? Obvious ones would be your mother or father.

But didn’t you think about playing with your friends most as a little kid, spending time with the guys or girls after school as a teenager and/or engaging in recreational events or as an example, happy hour as a 20 something adult?

For the majority of people at the young stages of life money and certainly health wasn’t the first concern or focus.

Money

Now somewhere around the teen age & young adult stage you became aware of the importance put on money. (I.E. MTV Cribs) Your programming, although done mostly by your parents philosophies as a child, you were taught through media the lifestyle of the rich and famous was paramount. Achieve this level of accumulation and it’s perceived nirvana.

Only movie stars, athletes and music stars have the ability to make mega income lifestyle. The special people.

Health

And finally as we get older 40,50 and 60 years of age we become more concerned with health hopefully.  As a young adult or your midlife years you were healthy as a horse and you had no signs that you should be more proactive.

It makes sense that quality of life becomes more important at this point in life. With wisdom & life experiences comes your awareness of a deeper knowing of whats important and if not, then you become dependent on our expensive health care system. This is obvious when you look at our millions of baby boomers beginning to enter that system today. More than ever they are concerned with being proactive with their health. They realize the system is broken and expensive and the need to live proactively with supplements, a better than average diet and exercise.

What Does It Mean

So what keeps people from experiencing and having everything in life they want in reference to the above 3 things? Their thoughts that surround the meaning of good relationships, great health and lots of money.

Guess what person you must have a good relationship with first?

That’s right, you.

“The mind keeps us from having the experience of what actually is.“-Bill Harris Centerpointe Research

Whatever your relationship is with yourself, I know through emotional intelligence, awareness & support you’re able to integrate and have all of the benefits from these 3 areas today.

Peal back the onion through self exploration & optimization.

You’re in a relationship building world and when your best developed relationship is with yourself, a whole new realm of possibilities open up.

How do you feel about the 3 things supposedly being the most important?

Do you see things differently?

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Made To Be Broken (Meant To Be Healed)

Written on March 18, 2010 by tony in Human SEO
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Made to Be Broken

“Our self perceived tragedies are our destinies. When you and I live in the present moment and no longer looking back, there in lies our gifts we find to present to the world.”

What would your life look like if you were living your life wide open? Really sit and ponder that thought for a moment.
Is it possible to live your life wide open without fear?

Could you:

  • Love as deeply as possible?
  • Reach as high as you could for your dreams?
  • Be as passionate about your life’s mission as possible?
  • Have deep trusting relationships?

Could you do any of the above if around every corner you were concerned with:

  • What other people thought about your actions
  • What others would say about you failures
  • Fear rejection of a spouse or a possible mate
  • Having your heart broken

Are we really meant to live a life without tragedy, challenge, losses or failures? Maybe by thinking we’re not supposed to we’re setting ourselves up for just that, internal strife.

Do you think it’s possible that the reason we’re here is to live out these human experiences in full living color? The good, the great, the bad and the tragic?

Why do we see caution signs everywhere?

  • Because we’re screwed up?
  • We’re just that way?
  • Because that’s just how we were raised?
  • That’s how it’s always been?

“If you thought you were broken then the opposite is true-and you most certainly were also meant to be healed.“-Me

The Gift of Being Broken

My perception? We’re all just grown ups walking around with childhood wounds that are unresolved (unhealed) and they show up as caution signs in our lives. (i.e. Fears)

Yes, that’s a bold statement on my part. On some level there are wounded moments as a child that have impacted our psyche. (Some subtle and others more dramatic) If this wasn’t the case wouldn’t there be more people living more spiritually & emotionally abundant lives?

“Our pain is not in Vain if we use those experience to help facilitate transformation in others who seek it.“-Jana Fleming

So my goal is to heal what is broken by finding the gift in it.

  • What could be the gift in being a failure
  • What could be the gift in being a loser
  • What would be the gift in being an asshole

The gifts are there if you look deep enough:

The Gift of Failure:

  • You find out who your true friends are. You discover who will stand behind you or support you and your dream regardless
  • You discover what drives you in moments of failure and gain clarity when you decide to pick yourself up and attempt it again
  • You become wiser of your overall experience of the situation. You no longer just know something, you’ve experienced it
  • You discover resources & tools you didn’t realize that were within your reach to support your new growth

The Gift of Being of Insecure:

  • You attract someone into your life that you didn’t know cared for you and supports your transformation
  • Allows you time for introspection, reflection and planning
  • The ability to discover strength through vulnerability (It takes strength to be vulnerable)
  • It provides space for you to realize you’re not acknowledging your wholeness

The Gift of being an Asshole:

  • You’re not afraid to be bold
  • You’re assertive in your actions
  • You know how to attract attention

“Acknowledging the tales you’ve woven around these qualities begin to free you from the unconscious hold they have on you.“-Dr. David Simon Author of- Free to Love Free Heal

I realize now my purpose is to not only heal my own childhood (and adult) wounds but so that my pain doesn’t go in vain, I live transparently and authentically sharing them. Through vulnerability I find strength.

“Emotional Strength is the ability to be vulnerable without the concern of being seen as weak.“-Me

I’ve been, a failure, I’ve been a loser and I’ve been an asshole. I’ve been all of these things however:

“Creating a map of what we experience in our lives is only limited by what we are willing to let go of and what we’re willing to believe is possible.“-Me

What do I believe is possible?

My life right now is about letting people know it’s OK to find the gifts in their current experiences, no matter how tragic or tranquil.

What is the story you’re telling yourself?

Meant to Be Healed

Our lives are but a split second in time.

“I would have rather had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand than an eternity without it….one.“-Nicholas Cage, City of Angels (1988 Movie)

It doesn’t take a lifetime or an eternity for us to find healing and be love(d). This is the gift we are able to give ourselves. You can choose to dissolve whatever has been the root of your dis-ease.  I’m not saying that fear doesn’t serve a purpose. Fear can certainly keep you safe from harm or from taking unnecessary risks.

However by continuing to allow your unbridled thoughts to keep you a victim, you’re not able to be truly free.

Can you look inside and see what it is that’s been creating you the most challenge or pain and find the good in it?

Once you’ve embraced it would you be willing to dissolve it with love?

Ask yourself the right empowering questions that lead you to realize your true power, gifts and connection to divinity.  “If you thought you were made to be broken you then you were also most certainly meant to be healed.”

“Embracing our light and dark sides does not make us weak; it brings wholeness to our being.”-Dr David Simon Free to Love Free to Heal

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Will You Be My Facebook Friend? (So I Can Make Some Money)

Written on March 12, 2010 by tony in Social Media Self
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Friending On Facebook

As part of my Social Media Self series I’m sharing my rendition of more Facebook etiquette. Social media does equal social skills in my humble opinion.

I get a few friend requests from time and I’ve been burned by spammers and people who want to friend me so I can make them some money.

Call me anal, but now I’m a stickler for knowing what someone is about before I add them to my network. I’ve found many people who I really don’t want to associate with after reading their profiles. Ok, so call me snob ;-)

I’m looking for genuine friend relationships with common interests, aren’t you?

Note these points tie into the Human SEO aspect of the blog. I’m not getting into technical aspects like peoples lame pictures, positioning of widgets etc. This is about human communication.

Here’s an example of someone who did everything wrong recently based on my standards.

Facebook Mistake #1 No Introduction

He doesn’t introduce himself, just friend requests me.

So since he didn’t introduce himself and why he was friending me I had to take the time to see what his profile says about him. (Yes, I could have chosen not to)

Make it easy on the person if you’re friend requesting them. You’re implying right off the bat, “This friendship is going to be a lot of work. You’ll have to jump through some hoops in order to get to really know me.”

Am I going a little over board? I don’t believe so. I think it’s just courteous.

When I friend request someone out of the blue, here are my steps to do so:

  1. Common Friends-I always look to see if we have common friends. Sometimes this is how I arrived to their FB page to begin with.
  2. Common Interests-Let’s face it, if we have no common interests I’m not going to friend request them to begin with. I’m not looking to amass 1000′s of Facebook friends who don’t give a hoot about the same stuff I do. It’s not quantity that matters in the beginning but the quality of the common interests.
  3. Common Networks-There are times when I find someones Blog, Twitter or Linkedin account and it leads me back to their FB page. I make note of that and mention it in my introduction to them when I friend request them. Lots of times I’ve found someone on FB because I found their blog first.
  4. Introduction-I will always mention both of the above in a friend request or if I’m just friending them out of common interests and not a common friend I only mention the interest. The only exception to this rule is if I’m on my iPhone and happen to add someone. The FB app doesn’t give me the option to write an introduction. However when I can, an intro may go something like this:

“Hi Trevor! I noticed we had quite a few common friends like ______ as well as it looks as if we have ______ interests in common. I wanted to reach out, introduce myself and connect to learn more about you.”

Facebook Mistake #2 Lame Profile Description

When I did click through to his profile here is what it says:

“Always difficult but perhaps i see myself as a highly motivated, ambitious, charismatic type of individual. An entrepreneurial background, i am always keen to establish new relationships and expand existing networks so do drop a line and say hello.“

Notice anything about his profile description besides bad punctuation & grammar?

Shallow comes to mind. It tells me nothing about what on earth we may have in common. He’s keen on establishing relationships and charismatic. Ok, my question is so what? Does it make you want to be friends with him? Not me.

If someone was to want to know a little about me prior to friend requesting me here’s what they see on my Facebook profile:

“Personal Development Junkie, Human SEO & spiritual blogger, Philosopher, social media enthusiast, and Internet marketer of good will. Oh yeah and I totally dig Disney World :-) ”

There’s a few things going on within my description and I may even tweak it a tad more since tearing it apart in front of you.

  1. Specific- I’m not trying to be everything to everybody. Right off the bat you’d probably figure out if you’d want to be friends with me or have any common interests.
  2. Curiosity- There are a few things from a curiosity stand point that may jump out. Human SEO? WTF is that?! Or Spiritual Blogger? I get lots of inquiry’s about that one.
  3. Fun-As well as I have a little fun with Disney World. Well, because I really do love Disney World. (Ok really I’m an uber Epcot Nerd and love it)

Facebook Mistake #3 No Follow up

After his initial request I let him sit there for a few days. I didn’t accept it or deny it. I got zero follow up via email from him.

Myself personally, if it was a genuine request and the person didn’t reply after a few days or a week, I may send a friendly email acknowledging my presence  as well as consciously respecting their time. It may go something like this:

Hi Trevor! I just wanted to reach out by email to you. I sent a friend request about a week ago but like you I know we’re all busy so you may not have seen it yet. I hope all is well on your end and look forward to connecting & learning a bit more about you and your mission!-Tony

P.S. I’ve read (name of post or posts here) on your blog. The theme of your message really resonated with me and is what had me reach out to you and see how I could support your message further.

Notice a few things:

  1. Don’t Be Pushy-Something like “Hey, didn’t you see I requested you? or “Don’t you know who I am?” kinds of attitudes are not a good idea. Don’t laugh, I have gotten these kinds of emails. I acknowledged his time and was respectful. It’s hard for someone to get upset with you in an above email. Always remember you never know what’s going on in someone elses world so be respectful and courteous.
  2. Tell Them Why-Notice I mentioned how I had read a specific blog post and that the theme of it resonated with me. Now don’t tell them that if it didn’t. Being real here is utmost important. Don’t say it because you’re trying to get them interested in what you’re about. Although that will be something that naturally happens. Don’t force it though.
  3. W.I.I.F.M.-That’s the acronym for What’s In It For Me. I mentioned that I wanted to see how I could help support his message further and I’m serious about that. I wouldn’t have a problem letting him/her know I’ll be supporting his content via comments to his/her blog, Tweeting out their messages or syndicating his stuff on my FB page or profile.

So all in all don’t forget there are real human beings on the other side of these profiles. Real people, with real emotions and real lives.

Anything you’d add to this that would really help people better connect?

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(My) Beginners Guide to Connecting and Engaging On Twitter

Written on March 10, 2010 by tony in Social Media Self
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Beginning Twitter

I haven’t been posting at all lately on the Social Media Self Or Cash Creation because I’ve been digging deep into the Human SEO aspect of the blog.

However this past week I’ve got lots of requests about how I connect and engage on Twitter. So, after detailing this in an email or two I thought it would be smart to just tweak it and post here for you and anyone else that asks me.

Here are just a few beginners tips & resources to get you started on Twitter. Learn from my mistakes on Twitter but also my successes. ;-)

Connecting

  1. Find Influential Users-It makes sense to find someone in your niche interest that has already amassed a large following of relevant followers. This way you’re able to find lots of people to connect with in one spot. To find influential users Google someone high profile in your niche. For example with my main interest being spiritual development I would look up people like WayneDyer or DeepakChopra and see who is following them. Simply go to the Google search and type in “Wayne Dyer + Twitter” (without quotes) and wholla, their Twitter profile shows up as the 1st result.
  2. Twitter Lists- Twitter lists will give you the opportunity to find more relevant people to connect with and save lots of time. When you visit someones profile scroll down and under favorites you’ll see a link for Lists. I list category specific people such as personal development. You’ll see all the people I follow and group into the personal development niche. This cuts down on doing tons of searches for people you have common interests in. Read this post and watch the video at Social Media Examiner to learn how Twitter lists work.
  3. Search relevant Keywords-Use http://search.twitter.com to search for relevant keywords in your niche interest that others are using. When the results come up take a look at the persons profile then their short bio and the link to the website. If what their about resonates with you, add them as a friend and engage with them. You know, like compliment them on their work, make a comment on their most recent blog post letting them know how valuable their post was to you.
  4. Search Peoples stream-Once you’ve found someone that resonates with you, search their updates for relevant friends they have retweeted or are engaged with that you can connect with just like you did when you found your power users. I’ve found lots of cool people this way.

Word of caution: Yes you can use software that automatically adds people to your list for you however, I’ve found they cause you to follow lots of irrelevant people and your followers aren’t as targeted as if you’d taken the time to do what I’m outlining above. It’s not the size of the list but the quality of engagement in my opinion. The more quality and relevant the engagement the faster the list grows organically.

Engaging

  1. Give more than you ask for-When you’re just starting this probably is a good rule to shoot for but today I just do it with out thinking. For every 1 self serving tweet (self promotional) tweet out 7 non-self serving tweets. These could be retweet’s of other peoples relevant quotes, links promoting someone elses blog post (where you’ve left a comment that is high quality. See step 2 for details) or simply engaging with someone. Kind of like I did below. I said “Preach it!” and then Retweeted his quote to my followers.

    “Preach it! RT @douglasi: Twitter success is not based on complicated theories, it’s based on the basics of human interaction“-

  2. Tweeting Blog Post Links-If you’re a blogger like me, I like to tweet other peoples blog posts if it’s relevant. But I also engage on those blogs as much as possible by leaving a comment. (This could also lead others to visit your blog as well)  As a side note my main rule of thumb when leaving comments on other Blog posts is to leave something of value. Maybe a tip that complements their post or just a different perspective. Comments that simply say, “Great post!” “Very insightful” or “Love your blog!” are of zero value to anyone. Sure, add one of those into your comment however don’t let it be the total comment itself. It’s not very heart felt.
  3. Purposely Engage- Let your personality shine for goodness sakes. Connect with people in a verbal conversation but one that is relevant. I don’t like to be too chatty on twitter though but that’s just my opinion. Twitter is where I start the conversation. Continue it elsewhere like on your blog if you have one or via email where you begin to take the relationship offline.
  4. Relevant Chats-Speaking of too chatty. One of the latest things I’ve been engaging in is relevant chats that happen on Twitter. The good thing is you meet some really cool people and engage in some really good communication. My favorite is #epicchat that’s organized by Allison Nazarian and Elizabeth Pots Weinstein. The down side is that you’re updating a lot in the 30 to 60 minutes that the chat happens (Therefor breaking the too chatty rule). Either warn your followers or face being unfollowed by them.

Tools Of Twitter

I don’t work from my Twitter profile when updating. I use software that communicates with Twitter. My personal conversation client would be Tweetdeck. It’s a really cool & free desk top software that allows me to break up my conversations into groups as well as receive & communicate with Facebook. I can upload pics to Flickr and even watch Youtube videos from it.

All of my friends I’ve recommended it to absolutely love it and lot’s of them are people who just started out.

These are just a few things I do to find relevant people in order to have awesome conversations & relationships. These steps have assisted me in meeting some very cool people in person as well as I have quite a few in line to meet!

If you’ve found this useful then please share it with those you know. (Yes, of course on Twitter) If you’re not following me on Twitter what are you waiting for? Engage :-) Tony on Twitter

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Growing An Intelligent Ego (Is It Possible?)

Written on March 8, 2010 by tony in Human SEO
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An Intelligent Ego

Growing an intelligent ego. Is it possible?

I just read recently a post by Steve Pavlina on How to Build a Stronger Ego.

I highly encourage you to read it before you go any further in order to participate in the conversation afterwords.

His post seemed to fly in the face of my beliefs surrounding Ego, however it also felt right too. Below is a post from a few years ago that I wrote for my first blog. I’ve tweaked it a bit and updated it to reflect this new perspective:

When we say “I” or “me”, we are referring to our Ego. It is our perception of ourselves.

 Egos are only different on the surface from person to person but deep down they all have the same intent I believe.

The Ego’s Intent

Here is what I mean by that.

 Ego is constantly struggling for survival. The concept of ego cannot survive along with the concept of consciousness.

 Or can it? I believe it can but it’s our conscious intent that makes the difference. (Sounds a lot like character doesn’t it?)

Actions that may get in the way:

  • Criticizing When we criticize another group or individual it makes us (the “I”)  feel superior. That is our ego hard at work creating separation.

 Even criticizing other people’s unconsciousness is not to be judged so that you feel superior. This is something I struggled with as I’ve made my journey into awareness.
  • Complaining Like criticizing, complaining is a story that our mind makes up that supports our separation from others as well. Complaining or creating negative labels about others creates more separation I’m starting to figure out, that without this separation, the ego can not survive.
  • Resentment Resentment is the next level of complaining. When you resent things about others no matter what it is, your ego loves it. It creates more separation from others and supports the ego even further.

 We have a dysfunction of our collective consciousness when we judge while going through the process of becoming aware.

To me I perceive this to mean I’m not able to tap into my full potential of collective consciousness if I’m judging others who are a part of that very same collective consciousness.

The more judgment in my language the more internal and exterior dysfunction I experience. Hence the more I support my ego in a negative way. Many people simply have unconditioned unconsciousness. They simply don’t know what they don’t know. Are they lacking emotional intelligence?

“In order to live consciously, you’ll often need to release socially conditioned habits and behaviors that don’t serve you.“-Steve Pavlina

So be patient with others for this reason. They don’t know what they don’t know.

Intelligently Respond

Do your best to consciously respond to situations rather than react. Reflect love to people rather than judgment or disdain. I choose to believe my world is a mirror. You judge in others what you most see in yourself.

“The people and situations that ‘trigger’ you (cause you some sort of upset, discontent, anger, rage, suffering) are the ones who teach you – they are the gifts in your life – make them some cake and be happy they are here to teach you a deeper truth about yourself! (if you are willing)”-Jana Fleming

Just realize the ego does not like change and it will pull many tricks to keep you from a state of awareness.

Can Awareness and ego co-exist? Is struggle the ego resisting change?

Are you resisting as you read this? 

That may be ego.

 But is it the ego’s intent that is mal-purposed and not so much just the general idea of the ego? Steve’s post really made me ponder this thought and I continue to.

People who are easily offended never run out of ways to be offended. They are addicted to being upset or angry. Through reacting to these concepts they re-enforce their (negative) ego’s survival. 
 They get to be right, there for their ego keeps them from change.

 The ego wants to make others wrong so we are right. The Ego wins at the cost of our happiness.

Your Intelligent Response

As I’m sure you are starting to understand, you can intelligently respond to these kinds of situations by being objective rather than reacting. 

Investigate your past grievances but realize the past has no power in keeping you from being in the moment unless you choose to let it.

Although the speed of this recovery shortens with all of my work.

Other wise I love you is my favorite let it go phrase now. 

It all comes full circle for me when I remember the saying, “let go and let god.” I choose to relate this to, “Be one with the collective consciousness.”

This idea compliments the other acronym for ego which is Edging God Out.

So what do you think?

After reading Steve’s post and now this one, do you believe it’s possible to live with an intelligent ego? Is it possible that the difference between a good or bad ego is intent?

I’m very curious to hear your thoughts & feelings on the matter.

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