Let me share with you a quote by Woody Allen. It goes something like this:
“If you’re not failing every now and then it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.”
Why would you or I not try something innovative, bold or even purposely attempt to make a difference in life?
- Because you’re content?
- Inside you quietly decided to settle?
- Because they are afraid of ridicule?
- Because you don’t think you’re good or god enough?
“By not making a decision you still have an impact on your outcomes.“-Me
Of course that isn’t the story you and I have told ourselves. We rationalize it six different ways to Sunday why something can’t work or won’t work outside of ourselves.
Hell I’ve done it.
Um actually, I still at times catch myself doing it!
You can settle in all area’s of your life by the way, financially, romantically, emotionally, spiritually etc. So this isn’t about settling for less physical stuff, it’s about settling for a quality of life that is less than what you or I are capable of.
Let’s cover 4 reasons why I’ve settled in the past, see if any of them resonate with you and then give you some steps to let them go bye bye if they do.
1. Low Self Esteem
This is a big one that I struggled with for years. With my childhood abuse I many times wondered why it happened to me and thought myself a victim all the way into adulthood, I struggled with drug abuse and alcohol abuse up into my 20’s because of a low self esteem.
As an example when you have a low self esteem you’ll settle for relationships that are less than healthy like I have because you don’t believe you’re worthy of a healthier one. Or you won’t start a home based business because you don’t feel you’re capable. You are capable but you’ll just require to learn some new skills. But maybe you won’t do that because…
Settling because you’re comfortable is a dangerous place. You don’t even feel the negative effects until it’s too late. When you’re comfortable you stop growing and the fact is if you’re not growing you’re dying. You may not see it right away but comfort can be the silent killer.
An example would be someone who takes for granted their partner in a relationship until it’s too late and the other person leaves. Or when someone is comfortable at their job and they get laid off. They have no plan B and they have no saved income.
“Belief is an emotion which creates certainty.“-Tony Robbins
If you challenge your current beliefs you’re the minority. I’ve said it many times and I’ll say it many more times. People hold fast to their beliefs. They fear change because that means leaving behind a part of themselves that they believe is their identity the feeling of certainty makes them feel good, even if it’s not in their best interest. Which means they would have to challenge their current beliefs and their certainty. That would mean facing their real truths and that’s painful. Their mind says, “Now way!”
Lots of people would rather be right and experience the feeling of certainty (which feels good) than be rich. I interpret rich as in spirit, hope, inspiration, relationships or financially.
This is the root of settling. If there had to be a grandfather of it all it would be fear. People settle because they are afraid. Afraid of what? They are afraid of failure AND success. Afraid of success in their relationships, business, emotionally or even spiritually.
People (me) will sabotage their happiness to stay where they are comfortable, even if the outcome leads to a painful outcome. Why have I done this? Because I didn’t acknowledge or know my core beliefs & values. I didn’t challenge the core beliefs that I already had.
Many times people aren’t even aware of why they are making the choices they are. They just fall victim to their circumstances and chalk it up to bad luck.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”-Carl Jung
That’s not you today by the way. You now are at least conscious of the fact and it’s going to get even better.
Making the Unconscious Now Conscious
So here are some tools to that I’ve personally used and am currently using to overcome these 4 things:
1. Low Self Esteem Booster
Educate yourself as to how you can flex your self esteem muscles. Consciously becoming aware of what it may look like to break the cycle of low self esteem is a good start.
Know that it could be a good 30 day process to instill new habits that improve your self image. Know that you’ll need to break the gravitational pull like a rocket does exiting the earths atmosphere. You will want to acknowledge some new habits that support a healthy self esteem. It will feel like an uphill battle for the first 10 days. You’ll crest around 18 to 20 days and after that your new healthy supporting habits start to feels natural.
Inertia can be a bear to break through in the beginning but breaking the gravitational pull of your self defeating thoughts is handled one step at a time through little successes and knowledge of what the process looks like. Good support like a mentor or a coach are a huge help too in guidance and accountability.
2. Comfort Crusher
You’re comfortable because you haven’t acknowledged where you’re headed! More importantly you haven’t acknowledged any new passions! Your mind is like underwear. Once you stretch it, it doesn’t go back! So let’s stretch it! Take some time and write down what you’re passionate about and what is it that you see yourself doing that you’ve never done before.
An example of mine is I want to take singing lessons. I’m an ok singer but I want to really kick ass at it. I’ve never done it before and I’ll feel great about actually doing it. Am I a little uncomfortable about singing for someone? Maybe but I want to be able to sing over some of the music tracts I’ve written and do inspirational videos like the dripping with motivation track. I want to create a full experience for people to get immersed in to help inspire them to action.
You see what my focus is and where I’m headed? It’s not that I’m scared people will make fun of my singing.
3. Belief Busters
The only way to challenge your beliefs is to ask yourself better questions.
This is you purposely choosing a life of awareness. Choose to start living in the now rather than comparing all of your current moments to past beliefs which are all based on incomplete truths anyway. If you have a problem with this area consider identifying your core values which do make up your current beliefs. Re-wire your brain for an abundance of love!
- What would need to happen in order for me to start living my purpose?
- If I started taking action on my purpose, what would be possible?
- Where would I need to begin?
- What actions would I have to start taking to make it happen today?
- What would I have to give up in order to start taking that action or step out of old patterns?
- How would I feel about myself if I did take a specific action towards living my purpose?
- Who has already done what I want to do and how could I get in touch with them?
Questions are powerful and quite frankly your (My) brain is lazy and doesn’t like to work that damn hard. Every so often it needs a good swift kick in the ass in order to get booted up in the right direction.
These questions are an awesome start.
4. Fear Is Flawed
How have I overcome fear of moving forward?
Surrender to them first. Then, embracing the idea of falling in love with my fears.
What you fear the most you must love the most.
- Your fear is there to challenge you but if you resist it you will be purposely persisting it.
- Your fear is your biggest lesson or your biggest conflict.
- Become the cause or be the effect(ed).
One of my favorite books on this is Beyond Fear by Don Miguel Ruiz. You must learn to embrace your fears. Acknowledging it as an opportunity for a moment of awareness. You’re bumping up against old beliefs that are completely open to being challenged if you so choose.
Life is one big fat illusion anyway if you really get down to it. Your fears are a manifestation of your personal perception. You have a choice over your perception. You can be the cause in life.
You can’t be afraid of fear. Either surrender to it, love it and give it a big hug or kick it in the ass and send it down the road.
People can fear what stretches them the most. John C. Maxwell said:
“People are like rubber bands, they are most effective when they are stretched.”
If you have a rubber band laying around what is it’s purpose if it’s not being used?
- What doors will be opened by your choosing to stretch towards your vision?
- What new experiences and joys are possible when you do?
- How would you feel about yourself when you do?
Are you stretching? Have you settled somewhere in your life? Emotionally, spiritually or in a relationship?
Live a life well lived by challenging your current beliefs, your current circumstances and more importantly live a life of awareness. You’re entering into a whole new experience of life if you choose.
“Any action is a cause in action.“-Tony Robbins
Are there any different reasons you’ve found as to why you’ve settled?
If so what is one thing you’ve done differently to overcome it?
Share in the comments below!