Finding Your Footing Amongst Fear (And Upgrading Your Game)

Living Bigger (Inside)

Originally this was a guest post on Nathan Hangen‘s blog however since removing his blog I decided to allow this post to live on as it’s been updated, added to and now shared here.

There’s a line from the movie 300 near the end when a soldier lay dying by King Leonidas and he says:

“It was an honor to die by your side…my king,” and Leonidas reply’s, “And It was an honor…to have lived….by yours.“

That line always stood out to me as a defining philosophy of how those who have mastered their own emotions and perceptions. It defines someone who has found something worth contributing to that’s bigger than themselves.

Leonidas decided to Live Out Loud because he knew what he was living for.

• If you want to make a difference in yourself, you have to have a cause bigger than yourself.
• If you want to make a difference in your family you need to have a cause as big as your community.
• If you want to make a difference in your community, you have to have a cause as big as your city.
• If you want to make a difference in your city you have to have a cause as big as your state.
• If you want to make a difference in your state you have to have a cause as big as your nation.
• If you want to be a nationally recognized figure that made an impact you must have a global vision and cause.
• If you want to be globally recognized and make a global impact you need to have an astronomical cause.

“Ironically the greeks laughed at Plato for teaching young kids  astronomy. However he was trying to accustom themselves to thinking celestially, looking back terrestrially. As Wayne Dyer said, “We are spiritual beings having a physical experience rather than physical beings having spiritual experiences.”

We tend to think terrestrially looking out celestially instead out there looking in.”- Dr. John DeMartini

What’s the benefit of being outside looking in?

When we stay out here and look in we see the world is ours to build and create. When we sit here and look out we’re overwhelmed by the immensity. We get caught up in our stories, we see small and act small.

If we want to make a difference and make an impact we must have an astronomical cause & vision. We begin to do that by looking from the outside in and seeing what is possible.

Living Small

Years ago I did an exercise in a retreat that identified my fear of being alone. I mean like being totally abandoned in life. It was a story I had told myself over and over because my mother had given custody of me to my great grandparents. She was 17 when she gave birth.

The impact that fear was having on my life really seemed to suck the energy right out of me and worse yet, I had no idea I was doing it.

It had me sabotaging my efforts in my business, my personal relationships and eventually contributed to a fulfilling prophecy of an ended marriage.

Talk about a belief that doesn’t empower you, hell it pretty much crippled me. It’s hard to create a successful business when you’re the cause of the negative effect. What’s worse is I was getting a lot of sympathy from people because of it too.

I was thinking so damn small it was pitiful. Not only was I thinking small, I was thinking microscopic in the world of providing value to others.

The pay off? I was getting attention because I was a in downward spiral and people felt sorry for me. The problem was, I was contributing to nothing but my own demise.

How many people do this everyday even if unconsciously by distracting themselves constantly with food, TV, unhealthy habits etc?

Was I looking from the outside in? Hardly.

I was living small because I was only focused on me.

When I’m so focused on my bullshit story, I can’t fully contribute to my vision. (Or acknowledge it for that matter)

Embracing Your Truth’s

Understanding I had these competing commitments bullshit stories I was telling myself, I felt I had to step back and look at the price I was paying and what it was costing me in my business, my relationships and my quality life.

I was using the fear of being alone as a crutch. The mental attachment to being alone was getting me the fulfillment of attention from those around me. However it was the wrong kind. Once I made the connection of the cost, I realized I had to make peace with it by embracing the truth.

Facing the truth scared the shit out of me. Where was I going to hide now?

Truth can be harsh but it’s always fair.

Truth is what honorable people live their lives by. They live with integrity, their thoughts, actions & deeds all in harmony.

The pain of facing my fear may have been a blow to my ego but the price for being right was keeping me from being rich.

So what was the answer?

Make space with what I had and look for the cause I could stand behind and contribute to appear.

Fear’s Many Levels

I’m not sure one can ever fully alleviate all fears, only act in spite of them. If we’re living out loud in our lives we’re going to have new experiences. If we’re living out loud we’re going to have to create a bigger vision. Something bigger than ourselves.

When you don’t have your feet firmly planted in your bigger vision you get caught up and stopped by obstructions or obstacles. Fear included.

In the world of blogging, not having your footing firmly in your vision and trying to move forward would look like this:

• You’re inspired to blog but afraid to because you’re not sure you’ll be well received. However you got over the fear of initially blogging because you get some support from close friends and you do it anyway. You realize it’s not so bad.-Check
• You’re told video on your blog is the way attract more readers and a way to create deeper relationships with them, but you’re afraid you’ll look or sound stupid. However you try one anyway and your readership spikes- Again not as bad as I thought.-Check
• Now you’re feeling pretty good about blogging for your own audience but now you’ve been invited to guest post somewhere-You’re scared shitless again-No Check (Your scared you’ll get rejected of course)
• You’re getting lots of good feedback from your guest posts (Because you did it anyway) and now you’re getting lots of comments and emails that acknowledge a certain need to be fulfilled with an info product.-Shit, definitely not a check. What if it sucks or bombs or people make fun of me?

See what I mean?

Any of that sound familiar?

If so you’ll want to get crystal clear on your vision and your contribution. Why you’re doing this thing to begin with?

Who’s life are you going to help improve?

When you’re not clear on this kind of stuff, you meek by slowly.

When you focus on your fulfilling your vision and to improving other peoples lives, it’s extremely difficult to focus on your own bullshit fears.

Fears are going to pop their ugly faces up at us as we grow regardless. The key is to have your feet firmly planed in your vision. You’ll find that you act swiftly and quickly anyway.

Make it be an honor to live by the side of your fellow man or woman. Live out loud in a way that it would be an honor to live by yours!

Think about that kung fu thought!

Acknowledge we’re here to live out loud, not out of reckless abandon but as brave conscious beings who want to leave the world a better place than when we came into it. To realize we only have so much time here to truly make an impact on life (be the cause) rather than think we’re unconscious human doings who are here to eat, bread and sleep (be the effected)?

Do you want to be the cause in your life like Leonidas or do you want to be the effect(ed)?

I think there are a lot of very healthy individuals who have these same fears. Those fears can be identified, embraced, spanked, thanked and put away after you’ve found your cause in life. Your focus of contribution.

Could your goal be to cause change in the world that leads to a better place for all of us?

That’s a start but it’s a bit ambiguous:

• Cause Change? How exactly?
• In the world? Who exactly?
• Leads to a better place? What result or outcome exactly?

The extent that you have bigger arms is the extent that you’ll act.

You can forge your own path and tell everyone who doubts it to take off.

The Flaw of Fear

The flaw of fear isn’t about our self worth. It’s that your needs as a human being haven’t been identified and met in a healthier way.

One way I’ve found to meet those needs is through focused pier groups.

“Most peoples lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their piers. So pick your piers wisely. The people we give our power to is our piers who you feel is anyone who you care how they feel about you.”-Tony Robbins

This could impact your need of love & connection and you can’t run from it.

It may be wise to choose empowering relationships and to make sure you’re appropriately connected. I’ve done that with a few masterminds and pier groups.

This is a big reason why entrepreneurs talk about consciously choosing their associations. It can have that big of an impact on following through on your. Beliefs are a feeling of certainty and you’ll want to be conscious of what those beliefs are and what or who’s influencing them.

Also, may I suggest that you look at what your contribution is in life right now. If you focus on just what you get rather than what you give you’re going to continue to make decisions that don’t put you in the path of contributing to something significant.

“The difference between a professional hustler and a hustling professional is the later strives to provide massive amounts of value while the other seeks only to extract it.”

Are you of the value added mindset or the value extraction mind set?

Which group are you hanging around?

If you focus on creating massive amounts of value in your business and relationships (feeling what you do matters), measure your success (growth) you’ll have a growing sense of self esteem and you feel your need of contribution fulfilled.

You also have something so big to contribute to you that you will surround yourself with people who will help fulfill that mission (love & connection) You won’t have time to worry about the few that attempt to attack your worth.

Seriously, you just won’t give a damn.

Planting Your Feet In Fear’s Face

To wrap it all up in a tidy package:

• Find a cause worth contributing to that’s bigger than yourself and (aligns with your highest values)
• Surround yourself and collaborate with people who support you, your mission and it’s contribution.
• Live with integrity in such a way that others find it an honor to be associated with you.
  

You may not completely eliminate fear from your life but fear will damn sure be overshadowed by creating and contributing to something that kicks ass.

• Something fulfilling.
• Something that changes the game.
• Something that adds value to peoples lives.

What say you?

Leave your comments below, then upgrade your game and share this with someone.