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Written by Tony Teegarden 20 Comments

I Found Out I’m Dying (I’ve Seen The Light)

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I Found Out I’m Dying

You read right, I’m dying.

  • No I don’t have a terminal disease.
  • No I’m not fully aware of any chronic sickness I may have.
  • No I didn’t get a call from my doctor saying you have 3 more months to live.

Here’s what I do know.

Every day I become more and more conscious of what I’m meant to do here on earth and it scares the shit out of me.

Some of the quasi questions I find my ego self saying:

  • I don’t know why I’m not taking more action on it.
  • I don’t know why I’m not living it.
  • I don’t know why I’m resisting it.

Based on those kinds of questions some of the stories I come up with are:

  • Maybe it’s the responsibility it will require.
  • Maybe it’s the ridicule I’ll face from others.
  • Maybe it’s the opposition I’ll be confronted with.
  • Maybe it’s the fact of letting go of who I thought I was to begin with.
  • Maybe because I’m just afraid

All I do know is every day I don’t do what I was put here to do, I die a little bit more each day.

Have you ever felt like this?

Are you feeling like this right now?

Are you living half in half out?

Are you living in the middle?

How many more days do we let go by before we wake up and say to ourselves:

“It’s time I start running towards what I love and moving away from what I fear.“

Better Questions To Your Purpose

So how do you make that quote come alive?

Well asking myself why something is happening isn’t a very good way to start out a question to begin with.

Here’s the reason, “Why” questions generally invite you into your own stories or into excuses, explanations or justifications.

I had to ask myself where were those questions coming from anyway?

The why questions were coming from my egoic self.

The part of me that wants to keep me safe from ridicule, heart ache, embarrassment or whatever else bullshit excuses you want to pick from that keep you stuck.

So asking myself empowering questions of light would sound more like this:

  • What would need to happen in order for me to start living my purpose?
  • If I started taking action on my purpose, what would be possible?
  • Where would I need to begin?
  • What actions would I have to start taking to make it happen today?
  • What would I have to give up in order to start taking that action or step out of old patterns?
  • How would I feel about myself If I did took a specific action towards living my purpose?
  • Who has already done what I want to do and how could I get in touch with them?

By answering these questions I get far better answers. The funny thing is, on the surface it seems I’m damn near already doing what I love. However I had lost direction.

Purpose is direction…

Under the Surface

You see over the past 10 years I’ve helped a crap load of people transition from working full time jobs to working from home. More importantly I’ve had hundreds of people tell me I’ve made a positive impact on their life and how they see themselves regardless of the business we were involved in.

Some of those folks I’ve kept in touch with and have had great friendships with even though they may have stepped out and away from the main business we met because of.

I’ve found people buy people.

I believe in something bigger and people pick up on that however I had lost direction.

I’ve been living half in and half out of wanting to experience the solo-preneur lifestyle for way too long.

I’ve still found myself playing it safe.

I’ve been in the network marketing industry for 10 years with one company and only because I realized I could make a six figure income without recruiting. (Of course I ended up doing a lot of sponsoring & recruiting but I digress)

It has served me well. Very well actually and I’ve learned a lot about working from home, coaching & mentoring others, team development, B2B sales, self management etc. For all of this I am grateful

As I’ve gone through and done as much work as I have, I’ve come to the conclusion that I no longer fit in the aquarium I’m in though.

  • Job 9-5 =Fish bowl
  • Network Marketing=Aquarium
  • Solo-preneur/Self Business=The Ocean

I know I’ll get some shit for that one but fact from my perspective it’s true.

The direction isn’t as much my issue as it’s the vehicle.

I am fully aware and I have fully come to grips with it.

So What Now

There’s no reason to tell myself anymore stories of the past.

To live in the light is to live in the now. Trust yourself. The past can only exist when I’m not living fully in the present so I:

  • Make clear the new direction I’m headed in.
  • Plot the course correction.
  • Start anew today and don’t look back

So ask yourself:

What is it that you’ve been longing to do but may have felt trapped by what others may think of you?

  • If how you see yourself has changed and you know it, but you have yet to take action on actually doing anything about it, is it because of how other people perceive you?
  • Are you scared of making mistakes?
  • Maybe it won’t work out like you want?

Does any of this keep you frozen?

Screw it.

Go back to the questions of light. We already know the questions that keep you or lead you to the dark parts of your mind are always going to be there. They won’t serve you to make change today.

Perhaps you need encouragement.

Perhaps you need to get rid of attachments to stuff in life so that you are able to free up your creative energy.

Perhaps only then will we find access to our resourcefulness rather than just looking for more resources.

Perhaps purpose is only a plan away that gives you direction.

Perhaps living in your light is just a decision away.

I know I feel lighter already.

How about you?

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Comments

  1. Uzma says

    Hi Tony. You had me wondering when I saw the title of your post on twitter. I was like 'what new idea is Tony gonna talk about' . You should totally fly solo. You are meant to. All the best, my friend. Its awesome you know your purpose. I wonder if I can't see mine or don't have the courage to hear it . Loved this line 'To live in the light is to live in the now' . Thanks for a great post.

  2. Tony Teegarden says

    Thank you Uzma!
    It's been a journey to come to this conclusion believe me.

    I'm sure I probably made it a little longer of a travel than may have been necessary but I'm not in judgment I swear lol.

    I feel so damn free you have no idea. 🙂

    Thank you for your support as always. Thank you for contributing your voice here on the blog!

    Be patient, you're purpose is always a song within us.

  3. prolificliving says

    Hey Tony, I read this hoping to find out what it is exactly that you are meant to do…..I think it would be really hard to articulate in words for me – but I am convinced I am on the right path to it. There are things I need to change and refine but I am living the life of my dreams most of the day and most weeks. I know what I find rewarding and what I find a waste of time – and I try to shift over to the right direction every day. For me it's not a switch, it's a transition – slow but steady. I liked the way you attacked this tough topic….!!! There is no doubt you are very determined from that loud writing voice !!!

  4. Tony Teegarden says

    Thank you Farnoosh! ~ I feel called to coach, mentor, support and inspire others by my own actions.

    It's been tough I admit and it's not fully fleshed out but I have like you, found I'm on the right path.

  5. prolificliving says

    Oh good. I read that and liked it a lot but thought you were going somewhere deeper – which I am SURE You are but I think we are both still figuring it out. The important thing, which I like about your message, is do not get complacent about life and your purpose. Thank you Tony!

  6. Tony Teegarden says

    Well I do intend on going deeper with it. I just wasn't intending to go into a 3000 word post. (I noticed I still hit 1000 words) You and I had a great conversation the other day about exactly where our blogs are going and I it really got me thinking.

    I've slacked off the money making aspects because of some personal reasons i found are rather lame. So because of our conversation it really brought to light some things that were holding me back.

    Now THAT is going to be a big deep post. However I'm working on the “Story” as you and I discussed. Thank you for your ever so insightful feedback my dear friend.

  7. sharlapatrick says

    Word up geeee money…this post totally resonates with me because often what we feel most passionate about if it's something different than we've been doing is essentially bringing change into our lives.

    We get (and I'm included in that “we get”) so “stuck” sometimes in a way of life, way of thinking that changing any part of it scares the crap out of ME-and often times it's hard to put one foot in front of the other.

    But what really would life be like if we lived totally without Fear? That we just accepted and moved into a place of total acceptance of what we know to be true and lived from that place…I think that fearless place would bring about change, love, clarity, creativity and essentially fill our hearts with joy and make us sing and inspire others to do the same.

    Love ya Tony and so proud of you!

  8. prolificliving says

    Our Skype chat was AWESOME – and I learned so much too – story telling is very captivating and I think it works best in the blogworld (and in public speaking). You are most welcome, Tony!
    ps: I hardly write anything in less than 1000 word lengths. I have to learn about brevity! I'll make that the exercise of Friday's post!

  9. Tony Teegarden says

    Yes true words,

    You and I both know what it's like to be doing and after a while we're only doing because people “expect” us to keep doing it. That can be a self imposed prison of our own.

    We don't have to live within any self imposed walls.

    Love you too!

  17. Jess Webb says

    Hi Tony!
    I'm new here – just found your blog through Farnoosh over at ProlificLiving. Really enjoyed this article and you got me thinking about what has been holding ME back and the questions I've been asking myself that just lead me around in circles….

    I'm great at telling myself stories – of the past and of the future! I've recently been seeing just how much my mind loves to run in circles with that stuff and leave me no further ahead than when I started… 😉 This has serviced as another good reminder to stop listening to that circle-talk and to learn to ask the right questions, “The Questions of Light” as you so aptly put it. 🙂

    Thank you for this!

  18. Tony Teegarden says

    Great realization and honest assessment.

    I'll leave it with my favorite Eckhart Tolle quote:

    “The past cannot survive in your presence. It can only survive in your absence.”

    Just be present and you won't have time to tell yourself any stories. 🙂

    Thanks for contributing and welcome you to the blog! 😀

  19. theresemiu says

    HI Tony, ingenius post. I have always told you, I'd buy your book when it comes out lol! Love the analogy here esp. we are both i network marketing.
    * Job 9-5 =Fish bowl
    * Network Marketing=Aquarium
    * Solo-preneur/Self Business=The Ocean

    I haven't been active for 10 years as you have. It sounds like you are ready to move into a different direction.

    In reading your post, I found myself thinking about a few things (as you always manage to do hehe) And certain things holding me back. I'm actually doing social media class with a girlfriend. And I have been thinking about doing it for a while. Now finally taking that small steps to take there. Sometimes I think our mind needs to marinate in our decision making before making that quantum leap that will move us to change. I know something I've been consistent with you mentioned here which is “To live in the light is to live in the now” Love how you put that together. Thanks Tony! So proud of you to make that transition. I know it's going to be an amazing ride. It's also great to know I'll be here as a friend to see you ride through everything with ease, elegance, and joy.

    Thanks for being you 😉

  20. Tony Teegarden says

    Thanks Therese for your insight and as always your inspiration.

    You're such a bright light in the world and I thank you for sharing and contributing here at the blog.

    Let's just do while we be so that we experience in the now, all of it's glory. 🙂

    Love and light my friend.

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