I Don’t Trust You
What If said to you, “I don’t trust you.”
Just consider how it feels for a minute.
Did it piss you off or maybe hurt your feelings?
Did you shrug it off and say you don’t give a shit?
I want you to ask yourself another question…
Would you ever think of saying such a thing to yourself out loud or in your head?
Go ahead, say it to yourself.
Feels awkward doesn’t it?
It felt really weird when I gave thought to it but I have to admit I’ve said it to myself lately. There’s been a price to pay for it too.
“One comes, finally, to believe whatever one repeats to one’s self, whether the statement is true or false.”-Napoleon Hill
All you and I have to do is look around at our results in life in order to see if the statement is true or not.
“If you’re really growing internally, your life will reveal clear evidence of positive change.”-Steve Pavlina
If this hurts I’m almost sorry. I’m taking stock and sharing some of my own inner dialogue with you and if it happens to resonate that means the good stuff coming up will too. 😉
Here’s a few questions to ask yourself,
- “Is trust a currency I really believe in?“
- “If so do I spend it on myself first and foremost?” (Like paying yourself first = savings)
- “And if not should I, would I and could I be willing to give myself permission to spend it on me…in truckloads?”
You see, if you don’t trust yourself, you won’t give yourself permission to live your life out loud.
You have to trust yourself into action.
If you’re not growing (via measurable results) you either don’t trust yourself to take action or you’re afraid of getting it wrong when you do.
So what do you do?
- You read another book
- Listen to another audio
- Attend another seminar
- Buy another course
- Or you just make up some lame damn excuse why none of it is working.
Sometimes you just have to have faith in the fact that you’re moving in the right direction, even if you’re not totally sure yet!
Who cares if you get it right at first?
If you’re not getting criticized then you’re probably not taking enough of a risk!
You may very well be standing still and playing it too damn safe.
You have to trust yourself into action.
Standing Still In Life
Anything is better than just standing still, even if you get it wrong the first time around.
Let me ask you, could you compose any music if you didn’t pick up the instrument?
Believe me, I think I’ve stood still for damn near 5 years of my life and It sucked.
- All because I didn’t trust myself to make the right decisions
- All because I allowed my past actions and how I felt about myself to dictate what I did (or didn’t do) in the present
- All because I judged myself more than anyone else ever could have
- All because I didn’t trust myself to make the moves then make them right
- I didn’t want to be wrong
- I didn’t trust myself to be able to handle the criticism if I got it wrong
- I didn’t want to be responsible if I got it right (Jeeze right?!)
- I didn’t trust myself to be able to have faith in something bigger than me
Today I ask that you and I take the pledged to have faith in something bigger than ourselves.
Today I ask that you and I pledge to work together to overcome our inner obstacles when they pop up, not before. That way we can’t use them as an excuse for not getting started.
Today I ask that we support one another in living our lives out loud, whatever that process looks like.
Getting It Wrong To Get It Right
I’ll use my blog writing escapade as an example of trusting myself into action and even finding support in the last place you’d ever imagine.
To this day I still don’t get my blogging grammar right and honestly I haven’t really tried terribly hard. I still misspell a word even after I’ve spell checked it a gazillion times. I write like I talk much of the time so I’m sure the technical writers can’t even stomach my writing because of it.
I still get criticized from time to time for using words wrong or spelling them incorrectly and you know what?
I get annoyed.
Yes, admittedly I do. I say to myself, “You mean you read that whole fucking article and the only thing you got out of it was that I spelled 2 words wrong and I shouldn’t have used a preposition at the end of the sentence?” Oh, and then I insert another expletive somewhere afterwords too. Not very mature.
Yes I’ve trusted myself to do the best I can and then I’ve pushed publish.
“You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it going.“-Mike Litman
That quote worked when I first started blogging and believe me I’ve come a long way from my first blog however you and I can’t live in the past.
I can’t use, “Oh I’m just getting it going” as a crutch anymore.
No, there comes a time to step up your game.
There’s a gift to be found even in the critic. (Damnit)
The other side of the coin is these people are demanding the best out of me, they are acknowledging where I can become stronger and maybe even taken more seriously as a writer.
They probably give a damn if you think about it. Otherwise they would just say, “Um, he’s a douche who can’t doesn’t care enough to take the time to spell right” and dismiss my message all together.
My perception is to accept the gift they are giving me. How you perceive it is up to you.
An Artists Way
“I think to call someone an Artist means they have some sense of a higher purpose beyond commerce. Not that they don’t profit from their work, or promote themselves, but that the work itself has spiritual, philosophical, emotional or experiential attributes as central goals. An artist’s work is about an idea, a feeling, or an exploration of a form, framed more by their own intuitions, than the checklists and protocols of bureaucracies and corporations.”- Scott Berkun
This whole quote really spoke to me. Even though he spent his time telling you why you’re not an artist by definition, I want to share with you why I think you are.
He says, “An artists work is about an idea, a feeling or an exploration of a form, framed by their own intuitions.”
- What is the idea, feeling or life that you want to explore today?
- How will you frame it for the world to see?
- Trust yourself to live by your own intuition so that you can get to work on it.
- Splash yourself in dramatic fashion all over your canvas of life!
Watch as the paint drips even in the dark corners of the room that surround you and live in the light of your day because this is what the people who create art do.
Bless your mess then get undressed and dance in the rain of life.
Your life is your greatest masterpiece. It’s your art. It’s your message to the world.
Trust yourself into action. Say your message out loud. Live it out loud.
What Are Your Possibilities
Here’s a question to ask yourself:
What would you need to believe for it to be possible to leave every person, place or moment better than when you first encountered it?
If you just said “that’s not possible,” then just click the little “X” at the top of the page.
You must believe in the possibilities, then the details will follow.
The more you have faith trust in yourself, surround yourself with people who support you and nurture those relationships, the easier it is for you to create your ideal life. You’ll be more willing to take positive risk.
I am surrounded by amazing people who love me, care for me, empower me and support me but none of it means anything if I don’t trust myself to be open to them, to learn from them and to see my inner most greatness within them. I love he critic and the cynic just as much as the supporter.
To trust my own greatness and intuition is the 1st step in living life at the speed of trust.
When you fall in love with you again and really trust yourself into action you will:
- Risk experiencing success
- Risk having positive experiences
- Risk meeting more new empowering relationships
- Risk moving forward from fear to freedom
It’s a calculated risk my friend. It’s only a matter of time before you create a life message that reaches out far enough to touch the inner most core of someone who you change their life forever.
The speed of which it all happens is up to you.
This is a life at the speed of trust.
You have to trust yourself into action.
Even though this message was more for me than anything, would you share this with someone today? I can’t help but feel it’s exactly what someone else is ready to hear.
Tony, thank you so much for the link love back to prolific living and I assure that all those times I have pointed out to you (in private no less!) the small oversights, I simply wanted you to have the best cleanest content out there. What I got out of the article was not the reason I was contacting you – as I usually leave those thoughts here publicly. If people care enough to point out my mistakes, I hope to always have the gracious manner to say thank you – and as for this article, a great thought process on how to trust ourselves. Thank you.
And I've always appreciated your feedback (in private too lol) and
have have always known you come from a great place when making me
aware the few times you have.
Let's say I've had a few that were not so nice in their intention much
less their approach. 🙁 But hence its a clue to step up my writing game.
I really dug your 1st two points in the relationships post because
they dealt with us listening and trusting ourselves 1st! Spot on!
Thank you for your share as always!
Hey Tony, ok good – you can always tell me if you felt otherwise. And yes, you have always received it well but I wasn't too sure after reading this post ;)! I am sorry you had some other type of feedback. We can't ever please every one, a point you have made yourself in your writing – and I am very happy that the relationship post spoke to you! All good from my end :)….thank you for responding!
Oy, I just realized how that must have looked to you and I feel horrible!
You're my grammar Queen! lol
Much Hugs!!!
Hey Tony, no worry. I love my new title and hugs back at you!
Tony – Good post and great message. I don't always trust myself and you're right – that's kind of mean and hurtful! 🙂
I was also hoping that the typo/grammar comment wasn't directed at me 😉 As prolificliving said – I just want you to have clean content so that there's nothing to distract from your powerful message.
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I love that Scott Berkun quote, though I tend to relate more to the figure of the craftsperson than the artist.
I like too your emphasis that the details will be worked out as we go along. As much as we would like to we can't control the future. We can only trust that we will respond when it arrives – in it's usually unpredictable way.
Thanks Jessica! Not trusting myself fully has slowed me down from experiencing more of life. Which is ok, It happened for a reason, but now I'm not ok with it lol.
As far as the grammar, remember, I sent you my ebook to “tear it apart” lol. So no, none of that was implied to any of my good friends here. I know where you come from and it's a good place. My comment was for the “critics” and “cynics” that have emailed me to gouge at my work, not my friends.
I got mucho love for you and you better know it lol.
Thank you again! You so rock!
Thanks Jessica! Not trusting myself fully has slowed me down from experiencing more of life. Which is ok, It happened for a reason, but now I'm not ok with it lol.
As far as the grammar, remember, I sent you my ebook to “tear it apart” lol. So no, none of that was implied to any of my good friends here. I know where you come from and it's a good place. My comment was for the “critics” and “cynics” that have emailed me to gouge at my work, not my friends.
I got mucho love for you and you better know it lol.
Thank you again! You so rock!
Thanks Evan, I loved his quote too except that I'm with you that I believe a craftsperson could be an artist if they do it with excellence. I know he is going after the literal definition but how many people discount their gifts and talents because it doesn't fit in with what someone else says is art, or a creative venture.
Yes I've had a bit of a revelation about working things out as we move along, not before hand. Otherwise we use that as an excuse to “do more work on ourselves” and it keeps us from taking action on our dreams. I thought it may resonate with someone else too.
Thanks as always brother.
Thanks Evan, I loved his quote too except that I'm with you that I believe a craftsperson could be an artist if they do it with excellence. I know he is going after the literal definition but how many people discount their gifts and talents because it doesn't fit in with what someone else says is art, or a creative venture.
Yes I've had a bit of a revelation about working things out as we move along, not before hand. Otherwise we use that as an excuse to “do more work on ourselves” and it keeps us from taking action on our dreams. I thought it may resonate with someone else too.
Thanks as always brother.
Tony- Great timing, I'm so frozen in fear it's crazy…. Needed some encouraging words when everyone around me doubts my abilities. Except for my Jeanine!lol Thank you so much. Needed that one big time today. love you!
well #1 I want to acknowledge you for having the courage and the heart to bring it (being frozen with fear) into the light! That's freak'n awesome.
You should read my “You've never been more ready than now” post, Break your give 0' shit meter girl! Put some fire under that fear and let's get after it!
You're very welcome and much love to you too. We don't doubt your abilities to live a life out loud here in the community. We support you period!
I hit the 'I suck at this' wall constantly in my work. I am always having to trust myself and my instincts to keep going. Forget about outside input – the internal input is the most important for me! It's that most abrasive and rude – and it's also the most positive and uplifting.
No one can put me down like myself – but ALSO no one can ever give me the praise and applause i'm looking for when working on a project. My wife and a few other people come really close (and you're one of those people Tony! You rock!)
Dude thanks for sharing your input. I know all too well about what you're saying. I'm my own worst critic sometimes. I have to tell that overly obnoxious voice my head to stfu lol.
It's so important we support one another in times of success and times of challenge. Yes, we must believe in ourselves and trust our intuition. Those around use who support us are critical pieces of the puzzle.
Glad I can be here for you brother. Can't wait to see your #tease er, I mean new project lol. I got your back!
WOW. WOW. This is where I am. Reading another book, finding another seminar. Yup, we need to do our inner work to recognize the shackles we create. Yet recognition isn't enought. We HAVE to break them also. I've only just begun to believe and follow that one must be open to possibilities and let the details follow. Not create barriers before they exist. Also loved your artists quote and idea. This is truly such a great post. Thanks so much for sharing.
Thank you for contributing Uzma! I'm so happy for your enlightened
moment!
TONY:
What a thought provoking POST!!
THOTS:
A) As the Great Joe Schroeder says “Does Your Life Give Evidence of What You BELIEVE?”
B) TRUST: Some definitions,,,It is interesting in Hebrew 'Trust'(Batach)= carries a strong feel of Boldness, even to the point of being careless…(Remember the broken 'Sh** O'Meter:-))….yet also a confident, secure Steadfast mindset,,,To me when we are really loving ourselves & sure of our 'Path' we are Bold(like your Blog==WE LIVE OUTLOUD!! almost to the point of carelessness,,,I call it reckless abandonment to our purpose in life,,, yet within we are quitely STEADFAST, Confident & assured in our mission & Purpose EVEN when many obstacles & naysayers assail us
C) TRUST Examples –I believe I picked up a lot from my best friend (My dear old Mom) on this one ,,,she was Hammered in this area by both her Folks & my Father,. Her folks were of extreme(Mom was miss goody 2shoes…perfect gal,,,a PK(preachers Kid) on this one ,,,,I am dead serious when I say my Mom(born in 1930) was the best person/gal—Not just my bias This is really true,,,I can not imagine one negative/ bad thing coming from her mouth or her actions
…HOWEVER her folks(my granddparents) sure did not treat her that way,,,They were so extreme They went thru her room on a weekly/daily basis looking for notes, things etc..I do not think they allowed her to Drive and many other things…very UNTrusting + Overprotective
POP on the other hand Broke Mom's Trust over & over again thru Mishandling of $$ & multiple infidelities,,,They were divorced when I was 11
SO Here was her Philosophy with ME & my sibs….SHE TRUSTED with a wide Rope…Meaning she pretty much said I trust you till you PROVE you can not be trusted any longer….For me & sis this worked well we never got into much trouble at all for older Bro,,,he ran ruffshod with this ,,,I'd say he took advantage of Mom,,,HE TRULY BROKE her trust…I am not sure it was ever repaired (he is gone now)
SO Going full circle here:-) Back to me,,,,
To use a DR Philiism “FUTURE/Results Behavior
is MOSTLY dependent on what you have done/produced in the Past”,,,guess I throw this in to say if U have screwed up over & over & over & over!! again HOW do You TRUST yourself to BREAK that cycle?
It seems the More we SCREW up & BREAK the TRUST to be TRue to our HIGHER selves the harder it is to get out of the ditch of failure,,,like a car digging itself deeper, & deeper into the Mud.
PROFOUND QUESTION: How do we Repair Broken Trust with OURSELVES? & Move Forward,,,as they say, success breeds success,,,Aso true that failure breeds failure
Matt
Epic response brother!
I'll jump down to the Profound Question because that's the big concern:
Sometimes you have to make the shift from your head to your heart. Quit thinking so much. The story you're telling yourself is way out dated. Quiet your mind.
Yesterday is the past and today is the present and what I do with it is a gift.
Forgive the past, it's only nourishment are the thoughts you feed it. “Stop feeding it with stuff that doesn't make you feel good.”
Sure, question everyone, Mom, Me, Hebrew text. Whatever.
More importantly, question the story you're telling yourself and ask, “Does it seem to be getting me where I want to be? Which is loving myself in this moment and sharing that love with those I come in contact with?”
If not, Stop.
That dog don't hunt. Toss the story and start over.
You and I will get into this stuff I can't wait. A whole new world of newness lies in wait within all of us. I trust in you that you'll allow that shift to occur.
I trust you my friend.