What’s Lurking In The Shadows
For the past few months I’ve been working on what’s called shadow work. I made mention of it in a recent post, 4 Steps To Rediscovering Your Dream. It’s not the easiest work in the world to do and it certainly doesn’t always have the most positive of beginnings. Being a reader of this kind of blog you’re probably pretty insightful so you probably have noticed a bit of a darker side of my writing.
What is shadow work, why is it important to do and could it be for you?
What Is Shadow Work
Shadow work is probably summed up best in a quote I shot out on Twitter today:
“Our indignation over the behavior of others is usually about an unresolved aspect of ourselves.”-Debbie Ford
This is a hard one for many people to swallow, including myself at one point. I went into a lot of resistance at first however I’ve come to the realization that what I resist, persists. And I mean that seriously.
Shadow work has you embracing the dark side of your world which all of us have and understanding they are parts of you, they are not the totality of you. If you find yourself judgmental of other peoples behaviors, habits or personal qualities then chances are that is something unresolved with in yourself.
Hard to believe?
Consider this:
“We project our own perceived shortcomings on others. We say to others what we should be saying to ourselves. When we judge others we are judging ourselves. If you constantly beat yourself up with negative thoughts, you will either beat up on the people around you-verbally, emotionally, or physically-or you will beat up on yourself by destroying some area of your own life.“-Debbie Ford
I know what you may be thinking, hogwash right?
Let me give you an example of why I thought this was bullshit and what the turning point was for me.
My First Shadow Work Realization
I can’t stand smoking. Not only can I not stand smoking but at one point I despised smokers. I would judge someone instantly if I found out they were smokers.
Why?
Because I was raised around parents who smoked. I still remember going on road trips and my Aunt would smoke in the car with the windows rolled up. She would get pissed if I complained and asked for the window to be at least cracked. So as a result I had come to despise cigarettes and anyone associated with them for the most part. At least that is what I perceived.
It came to a point that I would be driving a few months ago and see someone smoking at like, [7:30] in the morning and think to myself,
- “God how sick is that?”
- “Let’s have a tasty cigarette first thing int he morning for breakfast, you weak ass.“
- “Jesus what a loser that you feel you need to have a cigarette first thing in the morning to make yourself feel good. Don’t you realize how much you stink around other people?“
I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life although I’ve done plenty of other drugs in my past, I was quick to pass judgment on others anyway.
Here is the big realization..
The question I was asked is what kind of person smokes?
My answer: Someone who is weak and lazy. Someone who looks for the quick fix outside themselves instead of just doing the hard work up front that allows them to live a healthy life style.
I saw people who smoked as weak and dependent on something outside of themselves to feel good. The quick fix microwave mentality that weak people need instead of doing the hard work on the inside.
What I realized was that what I despised in smokers, I despised most about myself. That there was weakness in me. That I was about short cuts. It had nothing to do with smoking or even smokers themselves but everything to do with me and how I felt about myself and my lack of actions in my life.
I was projecting on smokers what I most felt about myself that was still unresolved inside.
Can you ask yourself where you cast and project the most judgments?
Identifying Your Greatest Qualities In Others
On the other hand the opposite is absolutely true as well:
“As long as we deny the existence of certain traits in ourselves we continue to perpetuate the myth that others have something we don’t posses. When we admire someone, it is an opportunity to find yet another aspect of ourselves. We have to take back our positive projections as well as our negative projections.“-Debbie Ford
Again, what you project on others is what you most notably have inside yourself, so the exact opposite is true as well.
Admiring traits and qualities in others are only a sign that those traits are available in you.
If you are inspired by a millionaire, actor, entertainer or body builder it’s only because that level of greatness is actually found with in you.
That’s pretty exciting isn’t it?
Take out a piece of paper right now and write down 1 or 2 people that you really admire and want to be most like. Then write down the 3 best qualities about that person that you admire.
Guess what, those are the top 3 qualities that are most inside you. 🙂
My Mental Health Disclaimer
Debbie Ford is most notably known for her “Dark Side of the Light Chasers” book where it supports you in reclaiming your power, creativity brilliance and dreams.
I hope these insights encourage you to take action as to starting the journey of discovery the life style you long for and deserve.
Not only has the shadow work allowed me to get back to the surface of the water, (from the depths I may add) but it’s allowed me to see where I may sore after breaking the waters surface.
Personally I have been through deep counseling as a child right after I went through serious child abuse, (Not by grandparents) and I know that mental health work has it’s place. There are people with serious illness that require more than a book alone can do for them.
However based on my challenges & experiences over the past 4 years I’ve felt that this has been one of the best plans of attack I personally could have taken. I didn’t use medication or physcoanalysis to skip over the roots of my challenges. (And make no doubt I’ve gone through bouts of depression)
I went to the root cause of some of my biggest mental, emotional & spiritual road blocks and took them head on with the assistance of a life coach as of the past few months. It isn’t easy and shouldn’t be done alone. However rather than treating the symptons I took on the causese. That takes work.
It’s my opinion and only my opinion that traditional medicine and treatment is handed out to thousands and thousands of people that doesn’t treat the root issue, only the symptom. I know someone will attempt to challenge me on the fact that this type of treatment does have it’s place and I’m not here to argue with you. You’re absolutely correct, in many cases. But many cases you are not.
Questions To Ask Yourself
What fear is there that keeps you from not only acknowledging your greatness but acting upon it?
What judgments are keeping you below the surface of life and are you willing to take the first step towards breaking out?
Write down some of your biggest judgments about others and ask yourself where they can show up with in yourself?
What kind of person owns those kinds of traits?
And what are the positive benefits of those qualities?
These are just a few of the key questions that will start to lead you in a direction of seizing your power back. The more you resist these negative qualities the more that energy continues to use your power of living in the now.
Free the energy and embrace your greatness.
“If you don’t go within you go with out.”-Jana fleming
Ahhh… as a former smoker (at 21 days) I’m so glad I could help you explore your dark side, Tony! 🙂
But seriously… great article. Facing our demons head on is usually the best route. I’m one of those who may or may not agree with you on the medication issue. Are we over medicated in America? I’m sure we are, but that doesn’t mean that we should stop it for everyone. I’ve personally gone both routes, and at times the psych meds were as necessary for me as insulin is for a diabetic. Now that I’ve learned more about my own demons and how to manage my depression, I’ve been able to drop it. But I did have to use some training wheels before I could learn to ride my own bike.
Thanks again for the excellent article.
Ahhh… as a former smoker (at 21 days) I’m so glad I could help you explore your dark side, Tony! 🙂
But seriously… great article. Facing our demons head on is usually the best route. I’m one of those who may or may not agree with you on the medication issue. Are we over medicated in America? I’m sure we are, but that doesn’t mean that we should stop it for everyone. I’ve personally gone both routes, and at times the psych meds were as necessary for me as insulin is for a diabetic. Now that I’ve learned more about my own demons and how to manage my depression, I’ve been able to drop it. But I did have to use some training wheels before I could learn to ride my own bike.
Thanks again for the excellent article.
Lyman,
Thanks so much for your feedback as always my friend. Knowing what I know today, (I doubt it was by accident) about my shadows and how much value you’ve provided to me and many others through your work, I would have felt like more of a butt head than I do lol. Regardless I’m very happy for your health and well being and stepping into a smoke free lifestyle. I do agree with you as stated in the blog post, I know medication and professional help Do have their place and you’re a good example. I just have the opinion (And I stressed it is only my opinion) that there are hundreds of thousands of prescriptions handed out like M&M;’s for less than right reasons. I don’t think many people are as screwed up as they think is all. At least not as screwed up as some professionals would like to make them believe. I knew I’d touch on a broad and fickle subject that I’m probably not qualified to really dig into but again I want to stress it’s only my opinion. Thank you again friend for your input and value as always. 🙂
Lyman,
Thanks so much for your feedback as always my friend. Knowing what I know today, (I doubt it was by accident) about my shadows and how much value you’ve provided to me and many others through your work, I would have felt like more of a butt head than I do lol. Regardless I’m very happy for your health and well being and stepping into a smoke free lifestyle. I do agree with you as stated in the blog post, I know medication and professional help Do have their place and you’re a good example. I just have the opinion (And I stressed it is only my opinion) that there are hundreds of thousands of prescriptions handed out like M&M’s for less than right reasons. I don’t think many people are as screwed up as they think is all. At least not as screwed up as some professionals would like to make them believe. I knew I’d touch on a broad and fickle subject that I’m probably not qualified to really dig into but again I want to stress it’s only my opinion. Thank you again friend for your input and value as always. 🙂
Hi Tony,
Touched and delighted to hear about what you have been doing and the results you have experienced.
For any major worthwhile change I think integrating our shadows (and heroes as you point out) is essential.
I’m not sure that head on is always the best way to do this (I think this may be a matter of temperament – you seem to prefer the full on way of living). Especially where support is not consistent and reliable then small and easy bits can be quickest and safest in my experience.
In Western societies where our environment is usually hygienic and good enough food and exercise are available for the majority, I think the routes of our problems are often our thoughts, feelings and relationships. These are the usual causes of most of our discontent in my experience. I think the epidemic of depression if dealt with appropriately could release a flood of constructive energy (a.k.a. anger) to transform our individual lives and social experiences. I think we can build the new within the old.
On drugs. I think drugs are great – they make us feel good. But they can have side effects and other problems (like masking the real issue). Legality is another field of complication that I won’t go into here. I think there are other things that people rely on to: compliments, routines, relationships and other sorts of practices.
One of the problems I have with owning the shadow is the effect on others. Letting out my intensity has shocked others. I have learned (and am still learning about this) about this.
Thanks for an excellent post.
Hi Tony,
Touched and delighted to hear about what you have been doing and the results you have experienced.
For any major worthwhile change I think integrating our shadows (and heroes as you point out) is essential.
I’m not sure that head on is always the best way to do this (I think this may be a matter of temperament – you seem to prefer the full on way of living). Especially where support is not consistent and reliable then small and easy bits can be quickest and safest in my experience.
In Western societies where our environment is usually hygienic and good enough food and exercise are available for the majority, I think the routes of our problems are often our thoughts, feelings and relationships. These are the usual causes of most of our discontent in my experience. I think the epidemic of depression if dealt with appropriately could release a flood of constructive energy (a.k.a. anger) to transform our individual lives and social experiences. I think we can build the new within the old.
On drugs. I think drugs are great – they make us feel good. But they can have side effects and other problems (like masking the real issue). Legality is another field of complication that I won’t go into here. I think there are other things that people rely on to: compliments, routines, relationships and other sorts of practices.
One of the problems I have with owning the shadow is the effect on others. Letting out my intensity has shocked others. I have learned (and am still learning about this) about this.
Thanks for an excellent post.
Thanks for your feedback Evan. Been a while since I’ve heard from you and I’m pleased. Your insights are always appreciated and well taken. My opinion is never allow your intensity to be shadowed my friend. The effect it has on others is their choice. However again that’s in my humble opinion. 🙂
Thanks for your feedback Evan. Been a while since I’ve heard from you and I’m pleased. Your insights are always appreciated and well taken. My opinion is never allow your intensity to be shadowed my friend. The effect it has on others is their choice. However again that’s in my humble opinion. 🙂
Thank you for this post, Tony (and thanks to Evan for pointing out this post on his blog, or I wouldn’t have found it!).
Shadow work is one of the most eye-opening things we can do, and this is a very powerful and personal reflection on a sometimes scary topic!
Thank you for this post, Tony (and thanks to Evan for pointing out this post on his blog, or I wouldn’t have found it!).
Shadow work is one of the most eye-opening things we can do, and this is a very powerful and personal reflection on a sometimes scary topic!
Albert, long time no talk my friend! I appreciate your kind words. I’m excited about the Shadow Work I’ve been going through. It’s extremely powerful and I’m very grateful for my lessons. I appreciate you reaching out and thank @Evan for his mention again!
Albert, long time no talk my friend! I appreciate your kind words. I’m excited about the Shadow Work I’ve been going through. It’s extremely powerful and I’m very grateful for my lessons. I appreciate you reaching out and thank @Evan for his mention again!
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Shadow Work Revealed, Uncovering what’s really holding you back from living you’re desired life: [link to post] [Plz RT] – Posted using Chat Catcher
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OK..once again Tony you nailed it~very good to read~the picture you gave is very clear..thanks for all you always share
Thanks Unity!
It's from last year but I thought it still is extremely relevant!