Someone Took Your Power
I’ve been struggling publicly to express myself from the most real and raw place possible lately.
I really have.
What I mean is, I’ve been reeeeeally struggling to tear away all the layers of stuff I thought I was about in order to find my voice and to really engage with you on the most real level possible of who I am right now. At the same time I believe I have lots of valuable past experiences to share in the the present.
Are there times I’ve felt like giving up on myself and this adventure?
Sure.
It’s been painful, humiliating, exhausting, fun, liberating and flat out exhilarating all at the same time.
The freedom I feel from being able to express who I really am at this point?
Priceless.
When I’ve talked about peeling back the layers of human experiences that I’ve had over the past few decades, what I’ve not explored with you is what the hell I do with the layers that are left exposed and why it’s important to not just leave them hanging out.
Looking For Your Power
All of this peeling away creates quite the mess. Kind of like after Christmas morning when all of the torn wrapping paper and ripped open boxes litter the floor with you’re newly found gifts shining amongst the carnage.
There’s been work to do after peeling all of this stuff back, let me tell you.
- I write about my experiences a lot publicly and journal about it personally
- I explore the meaning I give those experiences and my truth behind them so it empowers me
- I live and apply the wisdom of the experience in my everyday life situations
- I share the wisdom with those I come into contact if they are open or ask me for my input (I learn more this way as well)
What I don’t do anymore is look for stuff outside of myself that needs to be resolved before I can feel good about who I am and what I’m about. I’m not looking for shit outside myself to get fixed first like:
- Getting someones approval
- Waiting for someone to apologize for doing something to me
- An event to happen to give me a sign that it was meant to be
- Someone to express to me how they feel about me
When I used to look outside of myself for external experiences to validate me, I found I was giving my power away.
Giving my power away means that I was held victim or hostage of the external experience and living stuck. Stuck in the past emotionally mentally and spiritually. It means I’m not living fully present in the now. It means I’m not present for the relationships that are in my life right now. I’m not giving them the love and respect they give to me.
I became aware of these layers hanging around recently and because of them, I wasn’t living out loud.
My light was weak in those days and my darkness was strong.
My Real Example
The abuse I experienced as a child could have very well held me hostage and did for years. However as a conscious living and loving adult now I can choose otherwise. Just the fact someone can talk about their abuse as a child or share it with anyone is a major leap forward in conscious living. I adore them when they do share it.
I was sharing with someone how I, as a 7-year-old child, was faced with a .44 magnum in my mouth. How I was screamed at and that I was wanted dead. There were many other experiences that were worse that I faced. I have 38 stitches in my right forehead to prove it.
Needless to say as a child, following those experiences, I was quite fucked up trying to understand what this all meant.
And I’m grateful for every damn second of it all.
As I write this I’m in the midst of crying from the gratefulness I feel for what I’ve experienced.
Nuts?
Probably.
Truth?
Absolutely.
Did I have a choice about participating in this experience as a 7- year-old?
Hardly.
Do I have a choice about how I choose to experience it today as an adult?
Absolutely.
I could probably smear these pages with my mess from my childhood and as a young adult. And you know, I may do just that in order to share with you how fucking amazing you and I are as spiritual beings having a human experience.
Your pain?
I feel it.
Tolerate you wallowing around in it for an extended period of time around me?
Never.
If you’re around me for any period of time you’ll realize I love you too much to allow you to play in the messy mud of your miserableness for long. I tolerate little because I care A LOT.
Take Your Power Back Today
What went through my head once I made the conscious loving decision to not let this experience dictate my ability to experience happiness anymore?
- Today is the day I take my power back!
- Today is the day I love the man who physically projected these things onto me as a child.
- Today is the day I love the man I’ve chosen to become based on these experiences
- Today is the day I accept I am playing a small game by ever really thinking I need his apology in order to live my life out loud
- Today is the day I acknowledge this all happened (and I’m NOT dead) because there is someone out there that needs my conscious loving light to help facilitate their way out of their emotional stuckness.
- Today is the day I acknowledge that my higher calling, purpose & gift, is sharing with others there is a blessing in all of this past stuff.
- Today is the day that because of all of this I can create, shed and share out loud my life, my love, my hurt and my past so that others can accept the gift that is called their present.
Now you know why I can love this man.
Now you know why I can call him my friend, my brother and my mentor.
Do I have to spend time around him?
No.
Do I have to have Christmas dinner with him?
No.
Do I have to buy him a birthday card?
No.
Do I give those events or that man outside of my internal loving conscious self my power for another day after that?
Not at all.
Am I more free to live in the now with you here today?
Absolutely.
This is where I am today and it feels damn good.
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Twitter Comment
An amazing, from the tear jerker. Read it! RT @ateegarden: [New Post] Someone Snatched Your Power? (Take It Back) [link to post] – Posted using Chat Catcher
Twitter Comment
An amazing, from the tear jerker. Read it! RT @ateegarden: [New Post] Someone Snatched Your Power? (Take It Back) [link to post] – Posted using Chat Catcher
Twitter Comment
[New Post] Someone Snatched Your Power? (Take It Back) [link to post] – Posted using Chat Catcher
Twitter Comment
[New Post] Someone Snatched Your Power? (Take It Back) [link to post] – Posted using Chat Catcher
Dear Tony,
Oh wow!!! reading this, I feel like screaming on top of a mountain with ya!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! this is awesome, you are awesome, and you truly embodies living life out loud!! I fell your liberation, and freedom, and joy!! and thank you for sharing that so honestly with the world, and touch others to come to their power and express love and happiness, instead of expressing the past. This is like the very essence of personal development, because peeling off the layers of stories and past is the first step. But if people don't go to the next step of reclaiming their inner power and their gift, it's so easy to just pick up the old stories and carry that around again. Thank you again for sharing, you rock!!!!
your friend,
Erlina
What a freakin awesome Comment Erlina! Scream it sister! lol
Thank you 🙂
Amazing post. Brought tears.. As a Survivor of things that I won't go into here, I know how hard it is to publicly share such things. I know ever better how hard it is to grow and learn to not let those experiences haunt you.
Major props for this one, Tony… Not many have the balls to tell such truths without whining about poor little me. Those people are the ones I want to slap around a few times to see if I can jar their brain enough to fix the bad contacts in there.
We all go through things, some of us worse things than others. I cannot imagine how you went through things WORSE than what you describe yet still are a decent, caring human being. I am proud to “know” you…and want to say you are a shining example for ANYONE who dares use their terrible childhood to justify being a criminal or even just to justify being an asshole– You show that it DOES NOT have to be like that.
“Those people are the ones I want to slap
around a few times to see if I can jar their brain enough to fix the bad
contacts in there.”
Absolutely Classic Jennifer lol.
I'm so glad you shared your insight. It takes a survivor to recognize a
survivor. I like to say you and I are “thrivers” because we look to use
those experiences to helping people shed light on the dark part of their
lives.
P.S. I CAN be an asshole. I just take total responsibility for when I am
lol.
LMAO Oh I CAN be a total bitch, but one has to push me hard or involve those I love. I still embrace a darker side of me, because other wise is to deny who I am. Both together are me, but I choose to keep the darker side to myself most of the time. She's great company for a pity party though!
Hi Tony, it is exhilarating and wonderful when we realise the power of our choices.
One word of disagreement on our treatment of others. Let me say that others have been amazed at how much of a hard time I have given some people. However I do think if we confront others we need to be willing to provide support. I also think the most effective way is to help others see how they participate in creating their experience – this discovery can be a liberation rather than a nasty shock. I'm not thinking that you necessarily meant to suggest being unkind to others, but I wasn't clear what you meant by “I love you too much to allow you to play in the messy mud of your miserableness for long” so I wanted to say this.
It's great to hear that you are feeling so good. Thanks for a great post.
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[New Post] Pretty Personal ~ Someone Snatched Your Power? (Take It Back) [link to post] #personaldevelopment – Posted using Chat Catcher
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[New Post] Pretty Personal ~ Someone Snatched Your Power? (Take It Back) [link to post] #personaldevelopment – Posted using Chat Catcher
Evan,
There isn't really any disagreement on I believe. When I make the statement
it doesn't mean I won't do it in an empathetic way. My internal resolve is
help shed light on that person's “stuff.” But I would never do it in a way
that was cold, unkind or come across as uncaring.
People who know me off line know that I'm a compassionate and empathetic
person. I can be a butt head like anyone else but I strive for living in
that higher self rather than dwelling in the lower self. That's my place of
inspiration when I made the statement.
Thanks for always being the voice of reason here at the blog my friend. I
can always count on you to keep me “clear.” 🙂
Tony, WOW cool site!!!! OMG I am definitely digging the new layout. It is very very TONY.
Thanks for your wonderful post. I know you have been sharing your experiences with us here. And I do feel as you share your past I am also going through the experience in my own life. I don't just read your writing. I actually ponder on it for a while. Read it paragraph by paragraph. Sentence by sentence. I come away with a take-home value everytime. I feel that it's not very easy expressing these parts of you to the world. And I have to commend you for sharing soooooooo much.
I think that's why I like “think simple now” Tina shares so much about her own experience everytime. And I feel like that with you too. As soon as I am finished reading a post. I just uncover parts about myself that I have been hiding. And also I learn a bit about you as well.
Keep being You Tony. I have enjoyed going through the journey with you. And I will always say whether it takes me a day, a week, or a whole month to read your blog. It always feels a bit like coming home. It's just a feeling I get from your site or maybe Y O U.
Thank You My dear Friend
Congrats on the layout, the pictures, the widgets plug-ins. and all the incredible things your doing in your awesome Life. I love You!
Holy Cow what an absolutely amazing post Therese.
I'm so thankful that you'd experience the information I share here in the
way you do. I'm thrilled that it provides you the ability to take away
you're own lessons.
I'm no guru. Just someone who is a little ahead of some other folks. That's
all.
You've touched me with your sincere thoughts and words. Thank you so much
🙂
Oh and Yes I LOVE Tina's stuff as well. She's amazing.
Tony
Dear Tony, I had no idea you lived such a harsh childhood, and I find it incredible just how you can overcome all that. It's impressive beyond words, and while it must be hard to let go and find a way to live your life so fully now, I still feel so much compassion for you for going through what you did. Beautiful article, thanks for chocking me up so early in the day!! You know I am kidding. Thank you indeed!
Farnoosh Thank you for your kind words and thank you so much for your
contribution. 🙂
As I'm exercising this “stuff” I'm finding it easier to live my life more
fully and out loud. It's all part of the “flow” that allows it all to “go.
I know you really live and it's so apparent by your work at prolificlivng. I
think it's one reason I dig your blog. 🙂
Thank you!