Have you ever asked yourself how you could get more of what you want out of life?
I was sharply reminded of how you can this past and here’s how it went down.
I was on the phone with one of my mentors and he said, “The reason people don’t get more of what they want out of life is because they only focus on what they want out of life.”
Seems to make no sense, right?!
I mean how else are you supposed to get what you want in life if you don’t make it your focus.
Well nine times out of ten getting what we want out of life requires serving other people in some way.
Whether it’s an increase in revenue for your business or you want a deeper relationship with your spouse, you’re going to have to serve either customers or your spouses needs.
But here’s the kicker. You’ll want to serve them with what they want. Not what you think they need. I actually talk about this in my new report, 7 Insider Tips you need to know before taking your expertise online. Even though I’m referencing a business principle it’s still a pretty universal principle.
You see, in my opinion, the only way you can really serve people is to listen to what they have to say and laser in on what’s important to them. We all have a hierarchy of values that we operate by. What’s important to me probably isn’t important to you.
The more you talk to people based on your own value system the more people may feel you’re talking at them. There’s going to be some sort of disconnect that’s felt and chances are, neither one of you will have any reason as to why.
Pretty impossible to serve people efficiently if you can’t communicate in a way that resonates with their highest values.
You may have thought at one time, “Tony I’m communicating to the people in my life right now but they just aren’t listening!”
You may feel you’re communicating with them but if you’re experiencing this kind of frustration, there’s a good chance you’re broadcasting your values and what’s important to you instead of speaking to their values and what’s important to them.
So how do you know if you’re broadcasting or connecting?
Communication without listening is called broadcasting.
If you find yourself talking more than listening it’s pretty hard to serve peoples needs. Whether you are in a position where you’re selling or if it’s with your family and friends. The same rule pretty much still applies.
As an example, when I was in my home based business for 10 years I saw people broadcasting their businesses all the time. They were implementing the spray and pray system rather than actually listening for what may trigger someone to have any interest. Of course that is how many people get trained to do MLM. “Spray the message to anyone and everyone. Someone will be interested.”
Because of this I saw reps attempting to shove as many people as possible into their business. Whether they were qualified or not, it didn’t matter. Somehow they thought this was going to lead them to riches. It rarely did.
I see the same thing happening today in the online world. Get more Facebook likes, get more Twitter followers, blast them all with links to your website or offer and magically the numbers will turn into cash.
These philosophies, in my opinion, don’t work in network marketing long term and they don’t turn out very well online either. I believe you just see them fail online a lot faster than you do an offline MLM.
Because of this ‘herding’ philosophy, I found that many of the people who did get in the business, did so because they were chasing the ‘dollar’ not because the business aligned with any of their core values or talents. I saw so many people drop out because the internal conflict was interpreted as this is too hard or I’m just not good at selling.
The leaders who ‘got it’ in network marketing actually taught their leaders to connect with people and to listen to prospects therefore acknowledging these possible conflicts and helping those people develop based on their skills.
It may sound as if I’m bashing MLM or network marketing. I’m not. I made a good living for 10 years in the industry and created some amazing relationships which I still hold valuable today. There are people who are doing it right and they are the ones who are focused on listening and connecting with their people.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you find yourself completing other peoples sentences?
- Do you find yourself tuning them out and feeling like you can’t wait for them to stop talking so you can make your own point?
- Do you look around when someone is speaking with people or do you make eye contact?
- Are you not surveying the people who have signed up for your email list and asking them what kind of outcomes they are seeking from your work?
- Are you not calling people in your network marketing business at the beginning of the month and congratulating them for their contribution to the team or are you waiting till the end of the month to beg them to get more business for your qualification?
These are all a sign that you’re broadcasting only what’s important to you and quite frankly they are hurting your level of connection with people in your personal life and your work.
To really connect you and I have to be willing to take a look at your own communication habits and patterns. It’s also a good idea to know your own hierarchy of values so you are clear on what’s important to you. This way you can identify when you’re communicating in a way that’s clearly just important to you.
Once you have there are a few questions you will probably want to open yourself up to.
Are you willing to step back and look at whether you’re broadcasting to the people in your life and/or work?
Are you making space that is necessary to truly connect with them? (Silence can be golden)
- Do you ask questions that allow people to share about themselves?
- Do you show curiosity? (it helps if you’re curious anyway)
- Do you search for their interests, wants, and desires?
- Ask yourself what your spouse really wants or needs in your relationship (sure you may think you know, but why not ask anyway?)
- Ask yourself what your prospects for your business truly want. (Things like ‘Freedom’ is way too general and ambiguous)
When you make this kind of space in your relationships, whether personal or work, it gives you an opportunity to really connect with other peoples fears, frustrations, wants and desires. This way you can really serve them in the best way possible.
Whether it’s your spouse, friends, prospects or co-workers make it easier on them by simply asking, “Can you tell me more about that?”
At the end of the day, all of us just want to be acknowledged and to be heard.
I bet you’ll find people will open up to you more when you listen and ask questions. Not only will you discover their wants and desires but what drives those wants and desires. On a business and personal level that kind of stuff is gold.
So share in the comments below your thoughts around broadcasting and connection. More importantly what tips and techniques do you use to you connect with people. I’d really like to hear them.