Social Media Blogging | Personal Development | Tony Teegarden

An Intelligent Ego

Growing an intelligent ego. Is it possible?

I just read recently a post by Steve Pavlina on How to Build a Stronger Ego.

I highly encourage you to read it before you go any further in order to participate in the conversation afterwords.

His post seemed to fly in the face of my beliefs surrounding Ego, however it also felt right too. Below is a post from a few years ago that I wrote for my first blog. I’ve tweaked it a bit and updated it to reflect this new perspective:

When we say “I” or “me”, we are referring to our Ego. It is our perception of ourselves.

 Egos are only different on the surface from person to person but deep down they all have the same intent I believe.

The Ego’s Intent

Here is what I mean by that.

 Ego is constantly struggling for survival. The concept of ego cannot survive along with the concept of consciousness.

 Or can it? I believe it can but it’s our conscious intent that makes the difference. (Sounds a lot like character doesn’t it?)

Actions that may get in the way:

• Criticizing When we criticize another group or individual it makes us (the “I”)  feel superior. That is our ego hard at work creating separation.

 Even criticizing other people’s unconsciousness is not to be judged so that you feel superior. This is something I struggled with as I’ve made my journey into awareness.
• Complaining Like criticizing, complaining is a story that our mind makes up that supports our separation from others as well. Complaining or creating negative labels about others creates more separation I’m starting to figure out, that without this separation, the ego can not survive.
• Resentment Resentment is the next level of complaining. When you resent things about others no matter what it is, your ego loves it. It creates more separation from others and supports the ego even further.

 We have a dysfunction of our collective consciousness when we judge while going through the process of becoming aware.

To me I perceive this to mean I’m not able to tap into my full potential of collective consciousness if I’m judging others who are a part of that very same collective consciousness.

The more judgment in my language the more internal and exterior dysfunction I experience. Hence the more I support my ego in a negative way. Many people simply have unconditioned unconsciousness. They simply don’t know what they don’t know. Are they lacking emotional intelligence?

“In order to live consciously, you’ll often need to release socially conditioned habits and behaviors that don’t serve you.“-Steve Pavlina

So be patient with others for this reason. They don’t know what they don’t know.

Intelligently Respond

Do your best to consciously respond to situations rather than react. Reflect love to people rather than judgment or disdain. I choose to believe my world is a mirror. You judge in others what you most see in yourself.

“The people and situations that ‘trigger’ you (cause you some sort of upset, discontent, anger, rage, suffering) are the ones who teach you – they are the gifts in your life – make them some cake and be happy they are here to teach you a deeper truth about yourself! (if you are willing)”-Jana Fleming

Just realize the ego does not like change and it will pull many tricks to keep you from a state of awareness.

Can Awareness and ego co-exist? Is struggle the ego resisting change?

Are you resisting as you read this? 

That may be ego.

 But is it the ego’s intent that is mal-purposed and not so much just the general idea of the ego? Steve’s post really made me ponder this thought and I continue to.

People who are easily offended never run out of ways to be offended. They are addicted to being upset or angry. Through reacting to these concepts they re-enforce their (negative) ego’s survival. 
 They get to be right, there for their ego keeps them from change.

 The ego wants to make others wrong so we are right. The Ego wins at the cost of our happiness.

Your Intelligent Response

As I’m sure you are starting to understand, you can intelligently respond to these kinds of situations by being objective rather than reacting. 

Investigate your past grievances but realize the past has no power in keeping you from being in the moment unless you choose to let it.

Although the speed of this recovery shortens with all of my work.

Other wise I love you is my favorite let it go phrase now. 

It all comes full circle for me when I remember the saying, “let go and let god.” I choose to relate this to, “Be one with the collective consciousness.”

This idea compliments the other acronym for ego which is Edging God Out.

So what do you think?

After reading Steve’s post and now this one, do you believe it’s possible to live with an intelligent ego? Is it possible that the difference between a good or bad ego is intent?

I’m very curious to hear your thoughts & feelings on the matter.

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A Guide to Living On Your Own Terms

This is my first true book review because quite frankly it’s not something I set out to purposely do here at the blog. However I finally found one worth sharing.

I chose to start with a book by Jonathan Mead of Illuminated Mind. I featured Jonathan recently as one of my top 6 people you should be connected to for self growth. (In my humble opinion)

Why?

Because it’s his passion and he’s making it his mission to assist you in living purposely and consciously if you so choose.

Jonathan doesn’t go anywhere near attempting to be a guru in this book, he doesn’t have to. He just delivers clear concise step by step direction in uncovering, defining and reclaiming your dreams.

Uncovering

One of the major things I love about this book and something that has become a serious passion of mine is uncovering & discovering your shadow beliefs that are creating competing commitments in your life. These competing commitments are divorcing you from your true authentic self who truly desires to live a passionate life doing what you love.

Jonathan simply calls it unbrainwashing yourself.

He provides what I consider safe reliable tools to help you uncover and discover what those core beliefs are that have you stuck in a current self image that stands between you and your dreams.

I’ll just tell you I’ve read a lot of personal growth, self help and spiritual books in my time. Some are just meant to share with you their philosophy. Some are just meant to educate you on a different perspective. Lots of them attempt to tell you their  path leads to riches, fame, spiritual enlightenment or pure bliss only to fall short…Ok very short.

“Accepting negative things in your life is like knowing that a
certain food makes you sick, but you still continue to eat it. You
wouldn’t do that with the food you eat, so why do it for the rest
of your life?”-Jonathan Mead from Reclaim Your Dream

Defining Your Dreams

“90% of living your dreams is based on how much you live in alignment with your values.“-Jonathan Mead

That quote alone resonated with me, hopefully it resonates with you. If you’re not sure what your core values are though he even provides you a sweet resource that assists you defining them. Until you know what those are, can you really be consciously & purposely living in alignment with them? If you’re not sure of the answer do the exercise. You’ll love the feeling of clarity.

He asks the question,”What is your purpose?”

“Keep in mind that your purpose is not necessarily your career.
it’s not your resume, title, or formal credentials. But it can,
however, be the vehicle for your purpose.”-Jonathan Mead

His ability to facilitate you in defining what exactly your purpose is, is worth the whole book. Gaining clarity here is crucial and he seriously delivers with the tools again to assist you.

Reclaiming Your Dreams

“In order to remain focused on what’s important, we have to make an effort to constantly re-center ourselves. we have to keep pulling ourselves back to what really matters. to keep focused, it helps to block out time in your day that’s only used for working toward your biggest goals.”-Jonathan Mead

The key behind this book is it’s practicality in what he facilitates.

Moving purposely towards our dreams every day could be as simple as showering or bathing every day. If we looked at staying connected to what’s important to us everyday and taking time to do it, like we do showering or bathing, we would do it effortlessly. Why? Because we already know in advance what the benefits are going to be and we immediately see as well as get the benefits.

After gaining clarity of our values and defining our dreams, reclaiming them could be this simple.

Conclusion

Jonathan’s depth of understanding and passion of uncovering, discovering and reclaiming your dreams is nothing short of refreshing. No hype. He doesn’t act as your guru, he’s your facilitator.

“Dreamers focus on being resourceful, instead of waiting for resources.“-Jonathan Mead

I’ve always said and quoted here that it’s not our resources that are crucial but our resourcefulness that is key to our growth. However I assure you Reclaim Your Dreams is one resource he under promises and seriously over delivers:

• Even down to the fact that he not only gives you exercises in each chapter but points to meditate on after each chapter.
• He goes even further by providing a separate worksheet (PDF) for you and I to dig even deeper into these exercises provided in the book. Allowing you and I to ask powerful questions that assist us in discovering what juices us.
• If you put paper to pen in these exercises I can’t imagine you unlocking a full boat load of potential inside of you right now. (I know I did)
• He pushes it even further by providing you a serious surprise bonus that hidden in the PDF. I can’t tell you anything more than it’s a link to something super hot and valuable (and zero price tag)

If you’re ready to divorce your obstacles then head over to the Reclaim Your Dreams page and pick up the book.

That isn’t an affiliate link either. I didn’t even check to see if he has an affiliate program. I don’t really care because quite frankly I feel I’m doing a serious benefit to you by sharing this and he deserves every penny.

Just like you deserve to reclaim your dreams.

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Gaining Access To Your Inner Peace

I felt it prudent after this past weeks heavy posts that I clarify something my good friend Evan brought to my attention. I’m taking his comment a tad out of context but to see it in its entirety go to the comments secion:

“My concern is that people who have had really awful experiences being told to ‘think differently about them and it will be OK”. I think this kind of insensitivity is motivated by the fear of having to deal with others awful experiences.”

He’s right, and it’s something I’ve thought I was extremely conscious of here at the blog. Matter of fact as I research other personal development blogs I see the cupcake advice on the law of attraction that’s given and it almost pains me just how little they scrape the surface of the work that’s required for people to make a true transition in their life.

My Process Not Yours

Prior to living more consciously of my actions and emotions, I had acquired lots of life stuff as beliefs and fixed perceptions about the way life actually was, which most weren’t true of course.

Your experiences are completely different although some of my experiences may resonate with you, hence why you read the blog. But as I’ve stated, I’m not your guru. Your experiences are yours and yours alone.

For myself, accessing my inner piece has been about peeling away those layers of beliefs so that I don’t continue running the emotional loops of behavior. In the beginning stages of this work I found I was attempting to overlay peace on top of chaos. (Chaos-Unresolved emotions & beliefs causing the loops of behavior) It didn’t work very well, at least not for me.

However once I started working on the shadow beliefs I had acquired over the years and shedding light on them, I was able to gain access to more of that inner peace and joy that we all posses originally as children.

Why? Because I was able to stand in my truth, go(ing) through the work and dissolve the past stuff in my life that was causing my emotional loops. Get to the root of some of that stuff, you’re able to not only stop those loops but realign yourself with new ones that serve you towards a healthier lifestyle.

Traumatic Experiences

Traumatic experiences can and usually do require professional assistance 1st and foremost.

I for one did have almost 3 years of professional psychiatric help after my child abuse at the age of 8. I was definitely traumatized and I to this day believe that work is one of the reasons I’ve had the ability and desire to go within. My curse was my blessing I would say. My therapy at such a young age taught me much about identifying and exploring my emotions although I wasn’t always so successful in the beginning. I did have issues.

I had just pulled out my Maxwell Maltz Psycho-Cybernetics CD’s to listen to again last week and ironically came across a great review of the book at Abundance Blog. I found something that ties directly with what we’re talking about here. In the comments section of that post Marelisa says that Maxwell left out one important thing, to go within, identify and “remove” the negative self image causes. (Beliefs & emotions causing the negative self image) I absolutely believe this fact. Transforming your self image before addressing the stuff is just not a great idea.

I realize this is the work the vast majority of people just aren’t willing to do. It’s so much easier to attempt to seek stuff outside of ourselves. Or over eat, smoke, drink excessively, gamble, porn addiction etc.

I completely agree with Evan. Telling someone they can simply think differently and it’s all going to be OK is absolutely naive and would be irresponsible of someone to suggest as a cure all.

My Disclaimer (Again)

This blog is for the more so, healthy individual, looking to go within explore and optimize the self who is here and now so I absolutely wouldn’t advocate insensitive advice and I’m glad Evan realized that. If this blog digs up deeper more sensitive (traumatic) stuff you should seek the advice of a professional. Not a blog.

I’d say for me at least looking further into competing commitments, personal prejudices and shadow beliefs may assist in making the peace more accessible and applicable. It may not be true for everyone but may be for someone. That someone may be you.

Included to assist in transformation and to make yourself feel good I believe it’s important to:

• Practice Daily Meditation (To access that inner place of peace)
• A balanced diet including lots of fruits & veggies
• Proper Hydration (Lots of water)
• Daily exercise or Yoga (The positive effects mentally alone are worth it)

There are many levels to personal development and it’s not a one size fits all.  Digging into and letting go of my past hurtful experiences has certainly been an important part for me but it doesn’t stop me from implementing the other stuff I just outlined. The positive mental effects alone of exercise, proper hydration & diet are huge.

Transformation is easy but it isn’t effortless. It takes hard work but the benefits are worth it.

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Identifying the Essence of Self Love

“It’s our inner journey that determines the quality of our outer journey.“-Tony Robbins

Below is a bit of a blueprint for finding self love that I’ve outlined with a little bit of help from my friends. These points all resonate with me within the area’s of my life right now:

• Acceptance of who I am today
• Embracing the Truth
• Creating a new vision of tomorrow that resonates with who I am
• Allowing myself to be vulnerable while I do
• Developing new relationships that support this transformation
• Accepting my creativity as my gift
• All the while relying on my instincts that I’m making all the right decisions

Acceptance

The foundation of self love is to accept who you are today and love yourself regardless of your inner judgments. Be grateful.

When you judge yourself, (or others for that matter) you’re not in the now, you’re in the past. You’re comparing the present to the past. Pulling from past experiences means you’re living with personal prejudices, even if they don’t seem like that big of deal. Living without judgment isn’t easy but it isn’t hard either. Just practice loving consciously.

Flex your inner love muscle (Get your mind out of the gutter) and practice self acceptance everyday through being grateful for what is in your life. Tony Robbins calls it your hour of power. Make time for you and relish the beautiful spirit that you are. You can accomplish this through meditation, yoga, prayer or a combination of all of them. Whichever works for you.

This is the inner journey that you start everyday being grateful for. Self love becomes stronger and stronger as you flex the emotional muscles.

Embracing The Truth

My friend Lana at dream followers woke me up again to the fact that no one is going to remember who I am in 100 years (Unless I create something like a car or a telephone of course ) so why aren’t I just doing what juices my life everyday?

This aspect is about embracing the truth then reinventing yourself. A truth, that she outlines in the beginning of her post that almost depressed the hell out of me. She then pulls it out magnificently where I was completely juiced at the end of the post. I get it. Thank you Lana.

A New Vision

Once you’ve cleared your plate and aren’t worried about what anyone else thinks and you’re prepared to reinvent yourself, begin with a new vision.

“The #1 thing preventing you from having anything you want in your life is a lack clarity about what it is you really want and compelling reason why it’s important to you“-Tony Robbins

I stumbled across a magnificent blog recently by a wonderful spirit named Fanoosh. Her Prolific Living blog (love the title alone) is a vast array of wonderful topics with a splash of creativity and lots of self love. However what I hope you walk away with is checking out her vision for her blog which I can’t help but believe is just a magnification of how she lives her life anyway. What a glorious vision she lives.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish”-Proverbs 29:18

Vulnerability

Implementing this new you could be scary. It means opening yourself up to new experiences and trusting.

Scary questions like:

• Will will people think of me?
• Will people make fun of me?
• Will I look or sound like a fool?

Listen, I know all too well the questions that will bounce around in your head. This is you’re own judgments. You’re not living in the now, you’re not loving yourself. If you really read Carolyn’s post on how to embrace your vulnerability you can’t help but to believe this vulnerability thing isn’t so bad. You do have a choice how you decipher those new experiences.

My personal experience is it’s this feeling of fear, the fear what vulnerability will allow to happen to us that has stopped me dead in my tracks in many area’s of my life. Quite frankly I’m over it.

“Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness.  Letting your guard down and opening yourself up to whatever comes is a testament of true strength.“-Carolyn Rubenstein

Building New Relationships

All of these above steps are for not, if you don’t create an environment that supports your new vision.

I’ve seen it hundreds of times over the past 10 years, as an example, where someone gets started with their new business and with the best of intentions to succeed however they fail to fully immerse themselves within an environment that fully supports their new found vision. This definitely includes their relationships.

“A supportive environment is critical to your successful transition and transformation. I’m not saying you have to completely disassociate with your friends and family but you will need to let them know you’d like their support or too simply keep their opinions to themselves.”-Me

One of the best things to do is to reach out and develop new relationships that support your new found vision. Life optimizer shares with you 9 actions to bond with others. This may mean personal or business relationships that fully connect and support you.

I’ve done this over the past year or so with my online presence. I’ve got a mastermind of guys and girls that I can reach out to that fully support my journey and I support theirs. This goes for locally where we get to meet in person as well as online via Skype, Twitter and instant messenger.

I’m not casual about my personal relationships or business relationships for that matter when it comes to supporting my vision.

Creativity

For myself creativity is a huge part of who I am. I’ve always been a creative being, whether it be my art/drawing I did as a child and young adult, my writing that I started in 6th grade and continue today or my music that I started in 3rd grade and still continue. Sometimes I still wonder where I got the notion to sell stuff. ::scratching head::

Creative is what I am. It’s my expression of self. Accepting it as who and what I’m about is part of my lesson. I believe everyone has something to express in some way, shape or form.

“My human form is the fountain of which god’s light comes forth. My goal is to connect to that source and allow that light to shine through me so that I may shine upon those around me.”-Me

I felt a great deal of comfort after reading Marelisa’s post on Medley of Creativity.  The post resonated with me greatly in the fact that I pull from so many sources my creative energy. One of my favorite books on reconnecting with my creativity is The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. Marelisa’s post was a great resource of energy for me.

This is where my authentic energy comes from. The ability to create, give back and nourish.

Making Wise Decisions

As I read Jonathan Wells post on The Art of Making wise Decisions I thought thought about the tactical aspects of making wise decisions and he actually outlines many of them in the post. However ultimately as he mentions in the post:

“Let Experience be your guide.“-Jonathan Fields

I believe this could have been the first step in these posts, however I made it the last because of the quote. It resonated with me that much.

A big part of me has always been afraid of making bad decisions and therefor I made no decision at all, which was just as bad if not worse. A decision, even a bad one gives you the ability to get real world feedback. It’s part of the process of transformation.

Loving Yourself Purposely

When I utilize the steps I’ve outlined here I’m  purposely and consciously moving forward in such a way that serves me & nourishes my spirit. I’m successfully accomplishing steps in the process of life and connecting to people on a deeper level while I do it. I can’t help but feel good about me and love myself along the way, mistakes and all.

All of this allows for a deeper sense of love & appreciation for ones self. It’s not an absolute blueprint that works for everyone, however it may be good for someone. The right person will know.

I’m grateful for all of the above connections to people who are shedding their light on the world. They are magnificent fountains light and I hope you bask in it and get as much value as I did.

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Setting Up Life’s Outcomes

Doing the thing when no one is looking is called Character. Doing the thing and not caring what anyone else is thinking is called flow. I loved this guest post from ZenHabits on the concept of Creative Flow.

My work flow when I write is based on not giving a damn what people think about my writing.  That usually doesn’t happen until I’m about to push the publish button then of course I do it anyway.  But whether it’s writing, playing a sport or playing a musical instrument, we all have desired outcomes we seek.

Or do we?

Following Flow Without Fear

As a musician and especially as a young teen (I was 13 when I started guitar) I wasn’t so much concerned with what anyone thought of my playing as I was wrapped up in my own self expression. The music I created was an extension of much more than just my emotions. It reflected my self identification.
For many artists this is what happens for them as well. Painters, photographers, musicians and writers all have it common. Their craft is an extension of their self identification.

For some people their background is very technical and they consciously & purposely sought out the skills to fully express themselves through a trade. For some it was more a natural progression of expression that didn’t require technical knowledge of their craft at all or it was a combination of both.

Whether they seek character validation from their work/art is to each his own.

These individuals you could say are living their purpose regardless of the starving artist title you may think have, they don’t see it. (That is probably only your perspective anyway and also a good indicator you’re living in outcome) They are quite happy doing what they do. Flow.

They don’t “set it up” in many cases. There is of course the many people who would desire riches for doing their work. There are just as many happy being able to keep the necessities of life (electric & food) in order to maintain their passion.

You’re the Creator of Your Outcomes

This one is a touchy subject so let me be clear about something. I had someone on Twitter early last year ask me, “So you’re telling me an abused child chooses to be abused?”

Absolutely not.

I’m just saying that eventually as a young teen or adult we would want to start taking responsibility for how we perceive our outcomes. If you can look back as a mature adult today and say, “I am still allowing things from my past to define me in a negative way today,” then it’s never too late to be who you are today.

“It’s our determined character that defines our flow.“-Me

• It’s time to believe you’re the powerful creator of your outcomes
• You emotionally assign the outcome.
• You define the meaning they have.

We are the powerful co-creator and you and I have to believe that.

We assign meaning to whatever happens in our life even if we don’t feel we created the circumstances of which we find ourselves in.
Example: I’m not sure the Jew’s manifested the holocaust by any means. But this is an example of  why Victor Frankl can go through the experience of a Nazi concentration camp and not be destroyed spiritually. He assigned a meaning and didn’t let the circumstances define his spiritual outcome.

Man’s Search For Meaning is a fantastic book that outlines the power of the human spirit and how you or I could define our life’s experience in such a way that serves us.

I wrote this post and part 1 immediately after writing my post My Arrested Development and a Shocking Discovery. (I do most all of my writing on Sunday in one sitting) Obviously I’m not clinically diagnosed with any severe clinical arrested development. My point was to fully experience my emotions. Fully embrace it, exercise it (here at the blog) and then determine what I’m going to have all of this mean.

What will you make your life mean?

How are you defining yourself based on your outcomes?

Are you coming from shadow or are you coming from light when you come to these conclusions?

We can conclude our personal perceptions and define them in a way that empowers us. Is that what you’re doing?

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