Social Media Blogging | Personal Development | Tony Teegarden

Friending On Facebook

As part of my Social Media Self series I’m sharing my rendition of more Facebook etiquette. Social media does equal social skills in my humble opinion.

I get a few friend requests from time and I’ve been burned by spammers and people who want to friend me so I can make them some money.

Call me anal, but now I’m a stickler for knowing what someone is about before I add them to my network. I’ve found many people who I really don’t want to associate with after reading their profiles. Ok, so call me snob

I’m looking for genuine friend relationships with common interests, aren’t you?

Note these points tie into the Human SEO aspect of the blog. I’m not getting into technical aspects like peoples lame pictures, positioning of widgets etc. This is about human communication.

Here’s an example of someone who did everything wrong recently based on my standards.

Facebook Mistake #1 No Introduction

He doesn’t introduce himself, just friend requests me.

So since he didn’t introduce himself and why he was friending me I had to take the time to see what his profile says about him. (Yes, I could have chosen not to)

Make it easy on the person if you’re friend requesting them. You’re implying right off the bat, “This friendship is going to be a lot of work. You’ll have to jump through some hoops in order to get to really know me.”

Am I going a little over board? I don’t believe so. I think it’s just courteous.

When I friend request someone out of the blue, here are my steps to do so:

1. Common Friends-I always look to see if we have common friends. Sometimes this is how I arrived to their FB page to begin with.
2. Common Interests-Let’s face it, if we have no common interests I’m not going to friend request them to begin with. I’m not looking to amass 1000’s of Facebook friends who don’t give a hoot about the same stuff I do. It’s not quantity that matters in the beginning but the quality of the common interests.
3. Common Networks-There are times when I find someones Blog, Twitter or Linkedin account and it leads me back to their FB page. I make note of that and mention it in my introduction to them when I friend request them. Lots of times I’ve found someone on FB because I found their blog first.
4. Introduction-I will always mention both of the above in a friend request or if I’m just friending them out of common interests and not a common friend I only mention the interest. The only exception to this rule is if I’m on my iPhone and happen to add someone. The FB app doesn’t give me the option to write an introduction. However when I can, an intro may go something like this:

“Hi Trevor! I noticed we had quite a few common friends like ______ as well as it looks as if we have ______ interests in common. I wanted to reach out, introduce myself and connect to learn more about you.”

Facebook Mistake #2 Lame Profile Description

When I did click through to his profile here is what it says:

“Always difficult but perhaps i see myself as a highly motivated, ambitious, charismatic type of individual. An entrepreneurial background, i am always keen to establish new relationships and expand existing networks so do drop a line and say hello.“

Notice anything about his profile description besides bad punctuation & grammar?

Shallow comes to mind. It tells me nothing about what on earth we may have in common. He’s keen on establishing relationships and charismatic. Ok, my question is so what? Does it make you want to be friends with him? Not me.

If someone was to want to know a little about me prior to friend requesting me here’s what they see on my Facebook profile:

“Personal Development Junkie, Human SEO & spiritual blogger, Philosopher, social media enthusiast, and Internet marketer of good will. Oh yeah and I totally dig Disney World ”

There’s a few things going on within my description and I may even tweak it a tad more since tearing it apart in front of you.

1. Specific- I’m not trying to be everything to everybody. Right off the bat you’d probably figure out if you’d want to be friends with me or have any common interests.
2. Curiosity- There are a few things from a curiosity stand point that may jump out. Human SEO? WTF is that?! Or Spiritual Blogger? I get lots of inquiry’s about that one.
3. Fun-As well as I have a little fun with Disney World. Well, because I really do love Disney World. (Ok really I’m an uber Epcot Nerd and love it)

Facebook Mistake #3 No Follow up

After his initial request I let him sit there for a few days. I didn’t accept it or deny it. I got zero follow up via email from him.

Myself personally, if it was a genuine request and the person didn’t reply after a few days or a week, I may send a friendly email acknowledging my presence  as well as consciously respecting their time. It may go something like this:

Hi Trevor! I just wanted to reach out by email to you. I sent a friend request about a week ago but like you I know we’re all busy so you may not have seen it yet. I hope all is well on your end and look forward to connecting & learning a bit more about you and your mission!-Tony

P.S. I’ve read (name of post or posts here) on your blog. The theme of your message really resonated with me and is what had me reach out to you and see how I could support your message further.

Notice a few things:

1. Don’t Be Pushy-Something like “Hey, didn’t you see I requested you? or “Don’t you know who I am?” kinds of attitudes are not a good idea. Don’t laugh, I have gotten these kinds of emails. I acknowledged his time and was respectful. It’s hard for someone to get upset with you in an above email. Always remember you never know what’s going on in someone elses world so be respectful and courteous.
2. Tell Them Why-Notice I mentioned how I had read a specific blog post and that the theme of it resonated with me. Now don’t tell them that if it didn’t. Being real here is utmost important. Don’t say it because you’re trying to get them interested in what you’re about. Although that will be something that naturally happens. Don’t force it though.
3. W.I.I.F.M.-That’s the acronym for What’s In It For Me. I mentioned that I wanted to see how I could help support his message further and I’m serious about that. I wouldn’t have a problem letting him/her know I’ll be supporting his content via comments to his/her blog, Tweeting out their messages or syndicating his stuff on my FB page or profile.

So all in all don’t forget there are real human beings on the other side of these profiles. Real people, with real emotions and real lives.

Anything you’d add to this that would really help people better connect?

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Beginning Twitter

I haven’t been posting at all lately on the Social Media Self Or Cash Creation because I’ve been digging deep into the Human SEO aspect of the blog.

However this past week I’ve got lots of requests about how I connect and engage on Twitter. So, after detailing this in an email or two I thought it would be smart to just tweak it and post here for you and anyone else that asks me.

Here are just a few beginners tips & resources to get you started on Twitter. Learn from my mistakes on Twitter but also my successes.

Connecting

1. Find Influential Users-It makes sense to find someone in your niche interest that has already amassed a large following of relevant followers. This way you’re able to find lots of people to connect with in one spot. To find influential users Google someone high profile in your niche. For example with my main interest being spiritual development I would look up people like WayneDyer or DeepakChopra and see who is following them. Simply go to the Google search and type in “Wayne Dyer + Twitter” (without quotes) and wholla, their Twitter profile shows up as the 1st result.
2. Twitter Lists- Twitter lists will give you the opportunity to find more relevant people to connect with and save lots of time. When you visit someones profile scroll down and under favorites you’ll see a link for Lists. I list category specific people such as personal development. You’ll see all the people I follow and group into the personal development niche. This cuts down on doing tons of searches for people you have common interests in. Read this post and watch the video at Social Media Examiner to learn how Twitter lists work.
3. Search relevant Keywords-Use http://search.twitter.com to search for relevant keywords in your niche interest that others are using. When the results come up take a look at the persons profile then their short bio and the link to the website. If what their about resonates with you, add them as a friend and engage with them. You know, like compliment them on their work, make a comment on their most recent blog post letting them know how valuable their post was to you.
4. Search Peoples stream-Once you’ve found someone that resonates with you, search their updates for relevant friends they have retweeted or are engaged with that you can connect with just like you did when you found your power users. I’ve found lots of cool people this way.

Word of caution: Yes you can use software that automatically adds people to your list for you however, I’ve found they cause you to follow lots of irrelevant people and your followers aren’t as targeted as if you’d taken the time to do what I’m outlining above. It’s not the size of the list but the quality of engagement in my opinion. The more quality and relevant the engagement the faster the list grows organically.

Engaging

1. Give more than you ask for-When you’re just starting this probably is a good rule to shoot for but today I just do it with out thinking. For every 1 self serving tweet (self promotional) tweet out 7 non-self serving tweets. These could be retweet’s of other peoples relevant quotes, links promoting someone elses blog post (where you’ve left a comment that is high quality. See step 2 for details) or simply engaging with someone. Kind of like I did below. I said “Preach it!” and then Retweeted his quote to my followers.
   

   “Preach it! RT @douglasi: Twitter success is not based on complicated theories, it’s based on the basics of human interaction“-

2. Tweeting Blog Post Links-If you’re a blogger like me, I like to tweet other peoples blog posts if it’s relevant. But I also engage on those blogs as much as possible by leaving a comment. (This could also lead others to visit your blog as well)  As a side note my main rule of thumb when leaving comments on other Blog posts is to leave something of value. Maybe a tip that complements their post or just a different perspective. Comments that simply say, “Great post!” “Very insightful” or “Love your blog!” are of zero value to anyone. Sure, add one of those into your comment however don’t let it be the total comment itself. It’s not very heart felt.
3. Purposely Engage- Let your personality shine for goodness sakes. Connect with people in a verbal conversation but one that is relevant. I don’t like to be too chatty on twitter though but that’s just my opinion. Twitter is where I start the conversation. Continue it elsewhere like on your blog if you have one or via email where you begin to take the relationship offline.
4. Relevant Chats-Speaking of too chatty. One of the latest things I’ve been engaging in is relevant chats that happen on Twitter. The good thing is you meet some really cool people and engage in some really good communication. My favorite is #epicchat that’s organized by Allison Nazarian and Elizabeth Pots Weinstein. The down side is that you’re updating a lot in the 30 to 60 minutes that the chat happens (Therefor breaking the too chatty rule). Either warn your followers or face being unfollowed by them.

Tools Of Twitter

I don’t work from my Twitter profile when updating. I use software that communicates with Twitter. My personal conversation client would be Tweetdeck. It’s a really cool & free desk top software that allows me to break up my conversations into groups as well as receive & communicate with Facebook. I can upload pics to Flickr and even watch Youtube videos from it.

All of my friends I’ve recommended it to absolutely love it and lot’s of them are people who just started out.

These are just a few things I do to find relevant people in order to have awesome conversations & relationships. These steps have assisted me in meeting some very cool people in person as well as I have quite a few in line to meet!

If you’ve found this useful then please share it with those you know. (Yes, of course on Twitter) If you’re not following me on Twitter what are you waiting for? Engage Tony on Twitter

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An Intelligent Ego

Growing an intelligent ego. Is it possible?

I just read recently a post by Steve Pavlina on How to Build a Stronger Ego.

I highly encourage you to read it before you go any further in order to participate in the conversation afterwords.

His post seemed to fly in the face of my beliefs surrounding Ego, however it also felt right too. Below is a post from a few years ago that I wrote for my first blog. I’ve tweaked it a bit and updated it to reflect this new perspective:

When we say “I” or “me”, we are referring to our Ego. It is our perception of ourselves.

 Egos are only different on the surface from person to person but deep down they all have the same intent I believe.

The Ego’s Intent

Here is what I mean by that.

 Ego is constantly struggling for survival. The concept of ego cannot survive along with the concept of consciousness.

 Or can it? I believe it can but it’s our conscious intent that makes the difference. (Sounds a lot like character doesn’t it?)

Actions that may get in the way:

• Criticizing When we criticize another group or individual it makes us (the “I”)  feel superior. That is our ego hard at work creating separation.

 Even criticizing other people’s unconsciousness is not to be judged so that you feel superior. This is something I struggled with as I’ve made my journey into awareness.
• Complaining Like criticizing, complaining is a story that our mind makes up that supports our separation from others as well. Complaining or creating negative labels about others creates more separation I’m starting to figure out, that without this separation, the ego can not survive.
• Resentment Resentment is the next level of complaining. When you resent things about others no matter what it is, your ego loves it. It creates more separation from others and supports the ego even further.

 We have a dysfunction of our collective consciousness when we judge while going through the process of becoming aware.

To me I perceive this to mean I’m not able to tap into my full potential of collective consciousness if I’m judging others who are a part of that very same collective consciousness.

The more judgment in my language the more internal and exterior dysfunction I experience. Hence the more I support my ego in a negative way. Many people simply have unconditioned unconsciousness. They simply don’t know what they don’t know. Are they lacking emotional intelligence?

“In order to live consciously, you’ll often need to release socially conditioned habits and behaviors that don’t serve you.“-Steve Pavlina

So be patient with others for this reason. They don’t know what they don’t know.

Intelligently Respond

Do your best to consciously respond to situations rather than react. Reflect love to people rather than judgment or disdain. I choose to believe my world is a mirror. You judge in others what you most see in yourself.

“The people and situations that ‘trigger’ you (cause you some sort of upset, discontent, anger, rage, suffering) are the ones who teach you – they are the gifts in your life – make them some cake and be happy they are here to teach you a deeper truth about yourself! (if you are willing)”-Jana Fleming

Just realize the ego does not like change and it will pull many tricks to keep you from a state of awareness.

Can Awareness and ego co-exist? Is struggle the ego resisting change?

Are you resisting as you read this? 

That may be ego.

 But is it the ego’s intent that is mal-purposed and not so much just the general idea of the ego? Steve’s post really made me ponder this thought and I continue to.

People who are easily offended never run out of ways to be offended. They are addicted to being upset or angry. Through reacting to these concepts they re-enforce their (negative) ego’s survival. 
 They get to be right, there for their ego keeps them from change.

 The ego wants to make others wrong so we are right. The Ego wins at the cost of our happiness.

Your Intelligent Response

As I’m sure you are starting to understand, you can intelligently respond to these kinds of situations by being objective rather than reacting. 

Investigate your past grievances but realize the past has no power in keeping you from being in the moment unless you choose to let it.

Although the speed of this recovery shortens with all of my work.

Other wise I love you is my favorite let it go phrase now. 

It all comes full circle for me when I remember the saying, “let go and let god.” I choose to relate this to, “Be one with the collective consciousness.”

This idea compliments the other acronym for ego which is Edging God Out.

So what do you think?

After reading Steve’s post and now this one, do you believe it’s possible to live with an intelligent ego? Is it possible that the difference between a good or bad ego is intent?

I’m very curious to hear your thoughts & feelings on the matter.

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A Guide to Living On Your Own Terms

This is my first true book review because quite frankly it’s not something I set out to purposely do here at the blog. However I finally found one worth sharing.

I chose to start with a book by Jonathan Mead of Illuminated Mind. I featured Jonathan recently as one of my top 6 people you should be connected to for self growth. (In my humble opinion)

Why?

Because it’s his passion and he’s making it his mission to assist you in living purposely and consciously if you so choose.

Jonathan doesn’t go anywhere near attempting to be a guru in this book, he doesn’t have to. He just delivers clear concise step by step direction in uncovering, defining and reclaiming your dreams.

Uncovering

One of the major things I love about this book and something that has become a serious passion of mine is uncovering & discovering your shadow beliefs that are creating competing commitments in your life. These competing commitments are divorcing you from your true authentic self who truly desires to live a passionate life doing what you love.

Jonathan simply calls it unbrainwashing yourself.

He provides what I consider safe reliable tools to help you uncover and discover what those core beliefs are that have you stuck in a current self image that stands between you and your dreams.

I’ll just tell you I’ve read a lot of personal growth, self help and spiritual books in my time. Some are just meant to share with you their philosophy. Some are just meant to educate you on a different perspective. Lots of them attempt to tell you their  path leads to riches, fame, spiritual enlightenment or pure bliss only to fall short…Ok very short.

“Accepting negative things in your life is like knowing that a
certain food makes you sick, but you still continue to eat it. You
wouldn’t do that with the food you eat, so why do it for the rest
of your life?”-Jonathan Mead from Reclaim Your Dream

Defining Your Dreams

“90% of living your dreams is based on how much you live in alignment with your values.“-Jonathan Mead

That quote alone resonated with me, hopefully it resonates with you. If you’re not sure what your core values are though he even provides you a sweet resource that assists you defining them. Until you know what those are, can you really be consciously & purposely living in alignment with them? If you’re not sure of the answer do the exercise. You’ll love the feeling of clarity.

He asks the question,”What is your purpose?”

“Keep in mind that your purpose is not necessarily your career.
it’s not your resume, title, or formal credentials. But it can,
however, be the vehicle for your purpose.”-Jonathan Mead

His ability to facilitate you in defining what exactly your purpose is, is worth the whole book. Gaining clarity here is crucial and he seriously delivers with the tools again to assist you.

Reclaiming Your Dreams

“In order to remain focused on what’s important, we have to make an effort to constantly re-center ourselves. we have to keep pulling ourselves back to what really matters. to keep focused, it helps to block out time in your day that’s only used for working toward your biggest goals.”-Jonathan Mead

The key behind this book is it’s practicality in what he facilitates.

Moving purposely towards our dreams every day could be as simple as showering or bathing every day. If we looked at staying connected to what’s important to us everyday and taking time to do it, like we do showering or bathing, we would do it effortlessly. Why? Because we already know in advance what the benefits are going to be and we immediately see as well as get the benefits.

After gaining clarity of our values and defining our dreams, reclaiming them could be this simple.

Conclusion

Jonathan’s depth of understanding and passion of uncovering, discovering and reclaiming your dreams is nothing short of refreshing. No hype. He doesn’t act as your guru, he’s your facilitator.

“Dreamers focus on being resourceful, instead of waiting for resources.“-Jonathan Mead

I’ve always said and quoted here that it’s not our resources that are crucial but our resourcefulness that is key to our growth. However I assure you Reclaim Your Dreams is one resource he under promises and seriously over delivers:

• Even down to the fact that he not only gives you exercises in each chapter but points to meditate on after each chapter.
• He goes even further by providing a separate worksheet (PDF) for you and I to dig even deeper into these exercises provided in the book. Allowing you and I to ask powerful questions that assist us in discovering what juices us.
• If you put paper to pen in these exercises I can’t imagine you unlocking a full boat load of potential inside of you right now. (I know I did)
• He pushes it even further by providing you a serious surprise bonus that hidden in the PDF. I can’t tell you anything more than it’s a link to something super hot and valuable (and zero price tag)

If you’re ready to divorce your obstacles then head over to the Reclaim Your Dreams page and pick up the book.

That isn’t an affiliate link either. I didn’t even check to see if he has an affiliate program. I don’t really care because quite frankly I feel I’m doing a serious benefit to you by sharing this and he deserves every penny.

Just like you deserve to reclaim your dreams.

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Gaining Access To Your Inner Peace

I felt it prudent after this past weeks heavy posts that I clarify something my good friend Evan brought to my attention. I’m taking his comment a tad out of context but to see it in its entirety go to the comments secion:

“My concern is that people who have had really awful experiences being told to ‘think differently about them and it will be OK”. I think this kind of insensitivity is motivated by the fear of having to deal with others awful experiences.”

He’s right, and it’s something I’ve thought I was extremely conscious of here at the blog. Matter of fact as I research other personal development blogs I see the cupcake advice on the law of attraction that’s given and it almost pains me just how little they scrape the surface of the work that’s required for people to make a true transition in their life.

My Process Not Yours

Prior to living more consciously of my actions and emotions, I had acquired lots of life stuff as beliefs and fixed perceptions about the way life actually was, which most weren’t true of course.

Your experiences are completely different although some of my experiences may resonate with you, hence why you read the blog. But as I’ve stated, I’m not your guru. Your experiences are yours and yours alone.

For myself, accessing my inner piece has been about peeling away those layers of beliefs so that I don’t continue running the emotional loops of behavior. In the beginning stages of this work I found I was attempting to overlay peace on top of chaos. (Chaos-Unresolved emotions & beliefs causing the loops of behavior) It didn’t work very well, at least not for me.

However once I started working on the shadow beliefs I had acquired over the years and shedding light on them, I was able to gain access to more of that inner peace and joy that we all posses originally as children.

Why? Because I was able to stand in my truth, go(ing) through the work and dissolve the past stuff in my life that was causing my emotional loops. Get to the root of some of that stuff, you’re able to not only stop those loops but realign yourself with new ones that serve you towards a healthier lifestyle.

Traumatic Experiences

Traumatic experiences can and usually do require professional assistance 1st and foremost.

I for one did have almost 3 years of professional psychiatric help after my child abuse at the age of 8. I was definitely traumatized and I to this day believe that work is one of the reasons I’ve had the ability and desire to go within. My curse was my blessing I would say. My therapy at such a young age taught me much about identifying and exploring my emotions although I wasn’t always so successful in the beginning. I did have issues.

I had just pulled out my Maxwell Maltz Psycho-Cybernetics CD’s to listen to again last week and ironically came across a great review of the book at Abundance Blog. I found something that ties directly with what we’re talking about here. In the comments section of that post Marelisa says that Maxwell left out one important thing, to go within, identify and “remove” the negative self image causes. (Beliefs & emotions causing the negative self image) I absolutely believe this fact. Transforming your self image before addressing the stuff is just not a great idea.

I realize this is the work the vast majority of people just aren’t willing to do. It’s so much easier to attempt to seek stuff outside of ourselves. Or over eat, smoke, drink excessively, gamble, porn addiction etc.

I completely agree with Evan. Telling someone they can simply think differently and it’s all going to be OK is absolutely naive and would be irresponsible of someone to suggest as a cure all.

My Disclaimer (Again)

This blog is for the more so, healthy individual, looking to go within explore and optimize the self who is here and now so I absolutely wouldn’t advocate insensitive advice and I’m glad Evan realized that. If this blog digs up deeper more sensitive (traumatic) stuff you should seek the advice of a professional. Not a blog.

I’d say for me at least looking further into competing commitments, personal prejudices and shadow beliefs may assist in making the peace more accessible and applicable. It may not be true for everyone but may be for someone. That someone may be you.

Included to assist in transformation and to make yourself feel good I believe it’s important to:

• Practice Daily Meditation (To access that inner place of peace)
• A balanced diet including lots of fruits & veggies
• Proper Hydration (Lots of water)
• Daily exercise or Yoga (The positive effects mentally alone are worth it)

There are many levels to personal development and it’s not a one size fits all.  Digging into and letting go of my past hurtful experiences has certainly been an important part for me but it doesn’t stop me from implementing the other stuff I just outlined. The positive mental effects alone of exercise, proper hydration & diet are huge.

Transformation is easy but it isn’t effortless. It takes hard work but the benefits are worth it.

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