Fears Biggest Weapon Against You
Fears biggest weapon is rationalization. Rationalization is telling yourself a story and giving yourself a reason(s) why it’s Ok not to do something or follow through on it.
Example: I’ve been rationalizing why I can’t or shouldn’t make more money online here at the blog by creating my own products.
Seriously, all kinds of stories like:
- I don’t really have anything of value to share (That people would pay for)
- People are already doing what it is I would do
- They are already better at it than I am
- People would ridicule my work
- I probably would look foolish
Imagine that? I’m human too.
It sounds as if I have a confidence issue doesn’t it?
The fact is though my confidence isn’t the real issue I believe.
- I’ve spoken in front of as many as 15,000 people telling my personal story.
- I’ve worked from home for the past 10 years and coached tons of people to do the same.
- I started out my first commission job in high end retail sales at 21 and made a 6 figure income within 5 years with only a high school education.
Personally I think saying I’m not confident is a bit of a cop out. Even if I hadn’t accomplished any of that stuff It’s an easy default answer that I could easily tell myself but it wouldn’t get me any closer to moving forward.
“The only thing keeping you from what it is that you want is the story you’re telling yourself.”-Tony Robbins
The reasons behind my stories could sound like:
- I fear doing the thing and that it’s going to be difficult.
- I crave comfort in the moment (If I’m honest this one hits home the most)
- I make the thing too big in my head instead of seeing it in a sequence of steps. (Overwhelm is a close 2nd)
Your “thing” by the way is whatever it is you feel you really want to do but are scared shitless to do for fear of (Insert rationalization here).
You don’t have to feel like this anymore.
So then, we have two choices if we decide to move forward:
- Do one small part of the thing right now and then a little every day instead of doing the entire BIG thing all at once.
- or say fuck it and take all out massive action because, “your financial shit will hit the fan unless you do something fast.“
Either choice you make you had better do what I’ve done over the past week and put a plan in place and set up a system within that plan to abide by everyday.
Setting up Systems Destroys Rationalizations.
Definition of System-A Set of detailed methods, procedures, and routines established or formulated to carry out a specific activity, perform a duty, or solve a problem.
When you have a system in place you have clearly defined actions to do. Examples would be your morning ritual. Mine is wake, pee (TMI?), meditate, exercise, healthy breakfast.
Or the system could be embedded in your online/offline business and how you structure your time and the activities within that time.
Or hell it can even be your system in your 9-5 job.
Clearly defined systems (That lead to your end goal) can help you forget about rationalizing yourself out of action.
How powerful are these systems and do they work?
Well consider how many millions of people go to a job they can’t stand for years on end and everyday Monday-Friday they are right on time for their work day. They never skip a beat. Matter of fact they pride themselves on it.
There is a price that you pay for having someone else to define your daily systems. Sure, all you have to do is show up on time and get paid for doing your work. Sure there isn’t as much responsibility. But what larger price do you pay for not setting up systems for yourself?
There is a reason there are more heart attacks on Monday’s than any other day of the week. The price is people are living fucking miserable.
Not to mention you’re not living your truth. You’re not living your dream and you sure aren’t making as much of an impact on people around you as you could.
Yes I’m talking to myself thank you very much.
Your Responsibility
What if you were the one to set up your daily system around a newly embraced business life as a solopreneur? (Even if part time)
I’ve been working from home for the past 10 years but selling someone elses product.
Bottom line is though, both of them require a system in order to stay focused and on track with our end goals.
I’ve felt like I went from one fish bowl (Manufactured home sales) to an aquarium called the network marketing industry. In network marketing you’re not an actual entrepreneur in my opinion. You’re self employed sure, but you aren’t an entrepreneur.
Going from network marketing into being a solopreneur is like going from the aquarium to the ocean. You’re in a much larger space where it’s vast and deep.
The choice you have is do you jump in because of the vast and deep opportunity you see or do you refrain because you’re scared to death based on the fact can’t see the bottom? (Or see what the hell is swimming around down there that’s ready to eat you)
It’s probably a little of both if I’m honest with myself.
So how have I dealt with these fears?
The Single Biggest Secret
The single biggest secret to dealing with fear is to tell yourself the truth.
“Nothing get’s better until you admit somethings wrong and if it’s not at the level you want or that you’re proud of, it’s wrong.
Stop rationalizing and start telling yourself the truth. If you feel bad, you have to do something to change but If you feel good then you don’t have to change and you lose your drive.
Many people are constantly trying to make themselves feel good without changing anything.“-Tony Robbins (Get the Edge)
Seriously read that again. Let that one sink in. For real.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done stuff that makes me feel good in the moment so that I didn’t have to change.
What about you?
It wasn’t until the shit hit the fan that I felt I had to make a change. (Take action) Even if it was moving away from something that was painful. Now I can purposely move towards something I desire.
Giving fear a hug and admitting there were some things wrong with where I was at mentally was my first step in moving forward on my own products. I’ve got friends of mine that are seriously confused as to why I’m not putting products out to help facilitate people with personal growth and quite frankly I’m not ok with it any more either.
Like Dave Navarro from Rock Your World states when he started out personal coaching he wasn’t a “10.” When he compared himself to a Tony Robbins or a Brian Tracy of course his confidence was shot. He was a level 5 teacher however there were lots of people that were 2, 3 and 4’s that needed his help! It’s the context not the content that mattered.
Quit comparing yourself and use what you got damnit. (Yeah I said that to my self in the mirror today.
Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway
Once you get honest with yourself you can begin to use the pain you feel as a motivator. It’s a gift damnit. It’s not to be feared or shied away from.
My plan is writing my new book, From Fear to Freedom. Steps you can take to unphucking yourself.
My systems are in place to support accomplishing it and I’ll be documenting it here as I have the rest of what I’ve made through.
My biggest fear, will it bomb?
I don’t think it will bomb but even if it does, it’s a stepping stone of which I’ll learn lots of valuable stuff. What I do know is that my results if I don’t do it will completely suck ass. If I don’t do it that result is pretty much guaranteed.
- Get clear on what it is you want first
- List out your fears that are keeping you from getting it
- Get honest with yourself in regards to those fears
- Put a plan in place to accomplish what it is you want
- Set up daily systems that support you in getting what is you want
What if it From Fear to Freedom does alright? I already know it’s gonna have blips and blemishes and won’t be perfect but at least I took action and put out a product that was the best of who I was at the time that served peoples needs.
What about you? What is it that’s keeping you frozen from your freedom and what kind of support can we provide you with?
Leave your answers below in the comments.
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RE: @ateegarden Tony, you hit the nail on the head. Going from the MLM business to doing my own thing was like gettin… [link to post] – Posted using Chat Catcher
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RE: @ateegarden Tony, you hit the nail on the head. Going from the MLM business to doing my own thing was like gettin… [link to post]
– Posted using Chat Catcher
Tony, you hit the nail on the head. Going from the MLM business to doing my own thing was like getting into an ocean. The more people realize they set up barriers to keep themselves from succeeding the more people will get into the solopreneur arena.
Listen to Tony, tell yourself the truth, and don't worry if it bombs. If it blows up in your face do something else.
Thanks for your input Steve.
I learned a lot from the network marketing industry over the past decade but I've also learned a lot of what I don't want since I've grown. From fish bowl to aquarium I've just outgrown both. It's scary and exciting all at the same time.
Forward progress brother forward progress!
Dude-
Thanks for the blog post! I have to say recently I have come into an area of my life were I am not happy and there are certain decisions that have to be made in order to move forward in every area of my life (not just business). Althouh until this post I never considered if fear is what might be pushing me away or keeping me hostage. Food for thought for sure.
Thanks Tony
Timely, as usual. I am slowly but surely moving forward to launch a blog that is solely about social media and blog tips, since the two more or less go hand in hand these days. SO…now I need to free products to entice people to sign up for my emails (once I get that together next month) yet I feel as if everything I have thought up is either dumb or already been e-booked to death. I don't know if it is fear or self confidence keeping me back…if I were a betting woman I'd put my money on a combo of the two. Next step: figure out what will get me GOING on these projects!
Glad you dug it Chris and I'll be even happier to see what you do.
Tony also said:
“We need to avoid pain, and we desire pleasure. Using both is being
intelligent. Pretending you're happy when you're not is crazy.”
Whatever pain you're fearing it's there to drive you. It's a gift for you to
acknowledge so that you use it in a proactive way.
Be happy you're aware enough that you're know this, now let's start to rock
out with it!
Appreciate you brother.
One thing I've embraced Jennifer is that people buy people then they buy
products. (In a lot of cases)
I also embraced the fact that people aren't just going to buy one ebook or
audio program on a particular product. They are going to buy lots of peoples
stuff probably.
Be YOU, and be you brutally and honestly. People will come. Put your
character and personality in your work. It goes a long way.
Make sure your work is on point. People are always looking for new
perspectives.
You know what I'm basically saying is fuck it, be you, be real, and be
relevant. 🙂
Great post. It's something I've been thinking about a lot too! I worry that what I want to do has been done already and by much smarter, funnier, prettier, happier, wealthier (blah, blah) people so who am I to think that I can do it to? What do I have to offer that isn't already out there? The answer is so simple – I have me. I have my story, my personal experience, my insights. And now the issue is holding on to the belief that what I have to give is enough.
I'm really interested to hear about your systems for keeping yourself on track. That's something I really struggle with. But today I realized (before I even read this post) that part of what keeps me off track is my habit of not wanting to work through the discomfort I feel when I put myself “out there”. It's too easy to, as you say, make myself feel better in the moment without actually doing anything productive.
Thanks and good luck with your new endeavor! I'll be here cheering you on.
There will always be much smarter, funnier, prettier, happier, wealthier
blah blah blah people out there.
Comparing yourself can seriously suck. It can also be healthy when doing
research in what the “competition” may have left out that you can put in
your product. Just don't let it get you off your game when you do.
Here's what rocks. No one can bring “you” to the table other than you. You
got the market cornered on you so let the “you” fly and bring it.
Oh and belief? Yea it's a feeling. Belief provides you with certainty which
I one of the 6 primary emotional drivers. (As is uncertainty is one of them
too)
You're holding on to your attachment around the belief, and the belief
provides you certainty. What a bitch lol. But never the less true.
I'll be happy to share more about my systems. They are functional to me and
probably could be beneficial to others however we all have our nuances.
Rather than a blanket solution (Which I believe is becoming less desired) we
all can find what works best for us via trial and error once we have some
basics down.
Thanks for your awesome share and Let's connect on it more as we continue
🙂
I think it's more, feel the fear, see if there are real dangers, if so decide how to deal with them, proceed if worth doing.
In the movie The Big Chill there was a piece of dialogue that went something like this:
Character A: don't knock rationalisations, rationalisations are very important. Rationalisations are more important than sex.
Character B: Oh, come on, “more important than sex”?!
Character A: You ever gone a week without a rationalisation?
(Feel free to delete if too risque).
Interesting spin on the first part of your comment.
In the context of what I'm referencing the only “real danger” is to my
pride. That's not a real danger. That's just some BS playing around in my
mind and I believe it happens in a lot of peoples minds.
I love the dialogue from The Big Chill. (Not too risqué at all, try harder
next time lol)
It actually references the Klemmer formula. Intention + Mechanism = Results
Look at your results and you'll see if it was truly your intention to have
the desired result. Results are often hash but always fair. The mechanism is
always there to achieve the results, most of the time we just have to get
the hell out of the way in order to use it.
Thanks brother!
I love the Klemmer formula, thanks.
Great Post Tony:
My Fears…
1) That I am getting too old to change my ways or situation(I am 55 in October)…Like the guy in the old TV series 'Run For Your Life' I worry there is not enough time left for me.
2) At times I believe I fight Procrastination mainly because I am afraid to Do That Thing—Process–Class–Procedure that would begin to change things for me,,,WHY? =Fear it is too hard..often when I do finally START a new thing I get impatient & easily frustrated because I do not 'get it' right a way …LOL!
3) Fear of sharing my Message & Vision with the world…I Know I have one & yet, I fear no one will want to hear it or as Jeremiah I will be rejected
4.) Fear of the ADDED responsibility should I succeed,,whether I can handle it
5.) Fear of Not really getting CLEAR on my Message/Passion before it is too late for me
6.) Fear that The Seattle Mariners will go down the drain & Lose Cliff Lee to Free Agency…LOL
7.) Fear that Lebron James may never win a Championship…LOL
Dude, thank you for sharing this. (It took balls)
You're more brave and courageous than you're fully aware.
You're going to love what I have coming soon then, from fear to freedom my
friend.
Tony
This was a very good article and I would recommend anyone follow it. Setting up systems (perhaps another way of saying goal planning) and taking action is vital.
It's like Jim Rohn says, wisdom without action is wasted. Getting over fear is tough, and for a person who is very rational and good at arguments then they've got an uphill fight with fear.
Thanks for posting.
Thanks for stopping by and for your input Robin.
Systems are very different from goal planning from my perspective. I would
think you would plan out what systems or rituals you would engage in
everyday.
Systems are something that we set up within the frame of reaching a goal.
Systems or rituals are designed actions that one would purposely engage in
every day that lead to ones desired end result.
Tony Robbins talks about this in the Get the Edge program as well as Eben
Pagan in his program Wake Up Productive program. Having a system or ritual
in place that we engage in every day (much like a daily process would also
be another way to look at it) keeps one from rationalizing if they should
take any action.
Yes the goal was planned out, the rituals and systems were implemented made
clear now step on the conveyor belt and let it begin.
Lights, Camera ACTION lol
Good to see you drop by! Hope to see you again soon. I like your blog. Great
thought and personal development leaders you feature there.
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