The UnPhucked Formula
What did I just say?
Yeah, I said it. I spelled it a little funny like phone, but yeah, I totally can’t believe I just said it either.
Truth of the matter is this post is written just as much for myself as much as it may be for you. (If you feel it resonates with you that is)
I ask you to look past the title and look more into the means.
I could totally rant off into the blog o’ sphere for a while about how screwed up people I come across are, however while I’m pointing one finger at everyone else, there are 3 more of my own fingers pointing back at me. (Try it)
Fact is even us positive people have those moments (ok days or hell even a week) where our lives are just as much in flux as everyone elses. I love how Dave Navarro points this out:
“Last week I said what most “successful” people are afraid to say: All your mentors are really, really screwed up. And they are, just like we are. They have baggage just like we do.
Successful people (who I define as action takers, not rich people) experience worry, terror, and what I often refer to as “pants-wetting fear.” Sometimes we are absolutely, positively sick to our stomachs with stress before we click “Send” on that email or “Publish” on that blog post.
But the thing is, we actually follow through and click “Send.” We click “Publish.”-Dave Navarro The Launch Coach Blog
Just so you know, I was scared shitless before pushing publish on this post. I know I’ve rounded a corner as of late in my writing and personal philosophy but I think I just took this corner doing 120 mph while hanging out the window.
The Reason For the Formula
I had something occur recently that totally threw me off my game big time and I’ve been hurt head up my ass pissed. (If that’s totally possible) It’s not just about me so I can’t divulge the matter in detail. But I do have to find it funny how life works because I’ve had the idea for this post for a few weeks now and I could never really get the whole thing to gel.
That is until after this recent experience. I call it karma.
It’s taken me around a week to grasp it but I realized I needed to get UnPhucked on the matter. I’ve had to take responsibility for my initial actions that lead to it and my reactions that came from it. That’s when it all came gushing out this morning.
So take this advice and do with it what you like but if you’re feeling a bit upside down in life right now rest assured it’s just temporary. Apply the Unphucked Formula if you dare.
“Everything in life is temporary. That’s a warning to the rich and hope to the poor.”-Frank AuCoin
The UnPhucked formula isn’t really about addressing you being screwed up. It’s more about how to peel back the layers of stuff you have going on within you that keeps you doing what you do, saying what you say and thinking what you’re thinking.
Grab a cup of coffee or a hot tea and prepare for a bit of a journey.
The Getting UnPhucked Formula:
- Uncover your pain
- Notice why it’s there
- Patterns are running
- Highlight the pattern to Help Heal it.
- Upgrade & Unify new thoughts.
- Consciously Collaborate & Clarify those new thoughts.
- Kindness & Karma are your friends.
- Expedite a game plan behind your new thoughts. (Take Action)
- Document the game plan and Discipline yourself to do it.
1. Uncover Your Pain
So this is one of the toughest parts for lots of people. It’s uncovering their root emotional patterns.
It takes courage.
I really believe it’s important to understand when you’re reacting to something. It may not always be possible in the moment but if you can become aware of why you react, you’re doing better than lots of other folks who remain clueless all their lives.
Many times it’s not the surface event that is the main problem. An example would be someone doing something to you.
No one can do anything to you that you don’t consciously or unconsciously choose to experience in a specific way. Their actions or words are usually just the trigger for how you really are.
I had to uncover what was really underneath all of this anger, resentment and victim mentality I had going on. Having the ability to pull the sheets back and uncover it all is why operating from your higher self is so critical. Consciously realizing when you’re in your lower self can be tricky. For the most part I can honestly say I’ve been in my lower self for a good portion of this past week.
- Lower Self – You React
- Higher Self– Your Respond
I became conscious of my reaction by pulling the sheets back and not hiding behind my pain, anger & resentment anymore.
2. Notice Why It’s There
My pain was there because of my attachments to an outcome, the person involved and how I thought both should be.
I trusted, I surrendered and I expected.
That was my mistake but also my necessary lesson.
But there in lies my gift.
Pain is there to remind us we are alive and that we’re having a very real human experience. Pain is part of our classroom of life. Without emotional pain how would we know when we have fully loved? How would we know when we fully trusted? How would we know we lived in expectation?
Even though pain in many cases can be very heavy and hard to deal with, how else would we experience and learn our lessons?
Pain is what drives us from something and pleasure is what draws us to something.
Emotional pain is a gift of learning when we have hit our current emotional limitations. It’s like living on the edge of our education and being fully aware of how much we have yet to learn. You can’t ignore the pain. You can try but it only drags out and gets worse.
I choose to believe my experience of pain reminds me I have another lesson to pull from the pain.
3. Patterns Are Running
Fact is I’ve had some amazing friendships and intimate relationships in my life. However some of those have turned out to be not so stellar relationships in my life. They ended horribly at the time, or so that is what I had thought.
I’m aware of this and how attached I’ve become to those outcomes even to my present day.
It was interesting. My lower self was attempting to make the outcome of this experience similar to some of my past relationships. The lower self was attempting to make it all about me and that I wasn’t good enough. But you know what? I knew that was bullshit.
I couldn’t completely highlight what was happening because I knew something was different about this situation. I just didn’t know what.
- My self worth wasn’t an issue here
- I hadn’t done anything wrong
- I became conscious of my reaction
- I acknowledged what was happening
- I was able to consciously and purposely take the next step
4. Highlight the patterns to Help Heal them
So I was aware of a pattern (not the pattern) Now it was the time to get specific about what the pattern was, embrace it and help to heal it.
Now for a long time I would know something was going on that didn’t feel good about but I couldn’t articulate it in my mind or decipher what it was I was experiencing.
When I highlighted the pattern it was the feeling of not being good enough. Fear was attempting to validate that I was going to be alone. I was afraid of not being wanted, not being loved or cared for. (Yup that popped up again) Believe it or not these deep emotional fears don’t only play out in your intimate relationships but in your work and family life too. All of those environments are built around human relationships. By allowing this to occur how could that affect your income or your overall quality of life?
These patterns always seem to be rooted in fear too. False Evidence Appearing Real.
Rather than fighting these patterns and resisting them which steals your power, embrace what they are trying to do. Fear is attempting to protect you from hurt, danger or embarrassment in many cases.
I see fear as an over bearing mother who is afraid to let her child experience life. Love the over bearing mother. She has good intentions. Now you come from love instead of resenting her, which is a derivative of fear. That’s a major shift.
What you resist persists so don’t fight what the nasty patterns are attempting to do. Embrace it with love and find the gift of the fear so you can dissolve your negative attachment to it.
Root yourself in love because ultimately that’s what you and I are.
Keep in mind this aspect can take some time. Someone coached in facilitating the process can navigate it with you and help shorten the process significantly.
5. Upgrade and Unify new thoughts
So I’ve uncovered my reaction and notified a nasty pattern that I know it’s there. I’ve highlighted specifically what the pattern is and I’ve either healed it or very nearly healed it. Now it’s time to upgrade my thoughts around the pattern.
Upgrading your thoughts can be done by getting educated on the subject.
- Read Books or Ebooks
- CD’s MP3’s
- A home study course
- Online training
- The library (Imagine that)
- New Social Networks
Maybe the pattern is around money & finances, intimate relationships, a career or family. Whatever the topic is you’ve got to plug some new philosophies into your head and quick.
Your attitude is based around your philosophies. My philosophies around friends, family and intimate relationships are made up of a few core values that are important to me like:
- Unconditional love
Example of a philosophy: When trust or respect is broken I can still have love for someone however it doesn’t mean I choose to spend time around them. However my unconditional love wasn’t so conditional. (Ouch)
I also have a philosophy around forgiveness that states:
“Why forgive someone else when it’s me that holds the attachment to their actions? To forgive them I really need to forgive myself.”
Upgrade and Unify your thoughts through getting clear on your philosophies and core values.
6. Consciously Collaborate & Clarify Your New Thoughts
This is where I reviewed my core values, then reached out to 2 people I respect. They objectively collaborated with me on my thoughts on the matter because I was standing in my storm. They didn’t give me answers nor did I ask for any. I only looked feedback on my values and philosophies as applied to the experience and my reactions.
Consciously collaborating with others is essential. Collaborating with mentors, masterminds or others who have the type of lifestyle you desire can be a big help. They can help clarify things that aren’t so clear to you.
Don’t ever be afraid of reaching out to someone who you believe has what you desire either. (And I’m not just talking about money) More times than not they would be happy to share their wisdom on a topic with you. Offer to buy them lunch in exchange for an hour of their time to discuss their philosophy on a particular subject.
Lots of people I know have coaches or mentors and it assists them in taking their lives to a whole other level because of collaborative thought and clarity.
Will you at times fall backwards still?
Sure you may.
I know I have but I don’t fallback as hard or as far. I don’t hold it against me. Neither should you.
Intro to the next step.
7. Kindness and Karma are Your Friends
Definition of Karma:
“The Pali term Karma literally means actions or doing. Any kind of intentional action whether mental, verbal,or physical, is regarded as Karma. It covers all that is included in the phrase “thought, word and deed.”
When Thought, word and deed are all in alignment that’s called integrity.
I had to ask myself in this situation, “Am I being kind to yourself first and foremost and if not am I willing to take thoughtful purposeful action on being kind to myself?”
Truth is, I wasn’t.
I wasn’t in integrity with what I was saying, doing and thinking.
I was allowing my past pattern to take control and I was reacting. I was beating myself up and talking to myself in ways that weren’t healthy or supporting me in a healthy outcome.
What does it mean to be kind to yourself?
- Be patient with your progress
- Be loving towards who you are in the present
- Have forgiveness for your actions
- Don’t judge yourself
- Reward yourself
- Have fun
In return you won’t find yourself projecting the opposite onto other people to begin with.
Allow yourself to express what you’re feeling in the present but don’t allow it to depress you in the future. Be kind as well as be empathetic to others and most importantly, to you and your needs.
All that seems to be bad is actually a requirement in order to acknowledge good. All that is good is actually a requirement to acknowledge bad.
In this I find my karma. There is no good or bad, just what is.
Through the process now I feel there is no further requirement for action on my part.
Call it being at peace with myself and for the other party.
It simply was an experience I now know had to happen and couldn’t have happened any other way.
I forgive myself.
8. Expedite a Game Plan Behind Your New Thoughts (Take Action)
Now it’s time to expedite a game plan behind your new thoughts in order to cultivate them.
Definition of Cultivate- To bestow attention, care, and labor upon, with a view to valuable returns
Daily introspection through meditation or prayer help you cultivate these thoughts and philosophies making them a key part of your daily actions mentally emotionally & physically.
When you can bestow attention, care and labor upon your efforts the valuable return will occur.
Sometimes that valuable return doesn’t always look like you think it should.
Maybe the gift in my situation was sharing this information here in a way that allows someone else to identify with my experience become inspired and explore their own path. I almost didn’t write this but I was reminded that all of our actions are world changing.
What you do for you could be life changing to someone else.
If you don’t take some action you’ll never know.
When putting a game plan in place for life experiences take in consideration how you’ve conducted yourself in the past in order to be conscious of how you can handle yourself in the present which in turn impacts your future.
You don’t know what I’m talking about?
Then step 9 is for you.
9. Document the Game Plan and Discipline Yourself to Do It
One of the reasons I’ve been aware of so much of this stuff is that I document it all in my personal journal.
Of course I write about a lot of stuff here at the blog but I also do just as much writing in my journals. This way I have a play book that I can look back on and see what my philosophies were at one time and see how they may have changed today.
Some of my values could have changed therefore affecting my philosophies around things.
- What were my thoughts then?
- Where did I get off track?
- Am I really off track at all?
- What was I doing then that worked that may not be working now?
- How did I show up then as apposed to how I show up now?
- What is important to me today that wasn’t important to me yesterday?
Now you may be thinking, “Tony I haven’t journaled before. Ever. Oh, and it sounds like a shit ton of work.”
If you haven’t personally journaled before now is the best time to start.
By documenting your activities, thoughts, emotions and experiences you’re able to purposely stay the course you committed to even after the feeling may have left you.
Is it work?
Why do you think successful companies track their leads, where they come from and their conversions? They have a lot invested (money & man hours) and they have a vision of what the company stands for and it’s purpose.
People track their businesses better than they track their lives sometimes.
You’re going to invest a lot of time and energy on this planet in the short time you’re here anyway, right? You may as well get a clear vision of what you want your life to look like and do the work because the return on investment (your money & man hours invested) will be determined by how well you know what you did up to this point and what you can do to tweak it for better results.
Damn, sounds like web site split testing to me.
Is the work required to MAJORLY unphuck yourself a hell of a lot harder than journaling for 30 minutes a day?
Totally. Don’t even begin to make me go int the acronym for the word majorly. I’m all acronym-ed out at this point.
“Commitment is doing the thing long after the feeling has left you.”
The one thing people never mention after that quote is that it’s terribly hard to stay committed if you don’t know why and how you made it this far to begin with.
That’s when people quit shit.
We all can lose focus, clarity and forget our vision if we’re trying to be an island unto ourselves.
Definition of Discipline~ “Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.”
There are lots of people out there that considered themselves fucked up in life. (Or worse yet have no clue they are)
Fact is we’re all a little or a lot screwed up, I don’t care who you point the finger at.
But the bottom line is you can improve your quality of life starting right now no matter what you’ve experienced up to this point.
You can choose to take what I’ve written here seriously or you can dismiss it as utter bullshit. Maybe you’re already doing some of these steps but not all of them.
Maybe none of them.
So then apply just one or two of the pieces of this formula to make your present moments more fulfilling. Something to start is better than nothing at the end.
A secret to a more fulfilling life comes by way of Dave Navarro again but from his post Give Up:
“Yeah I understand. I understand that we both will never overcome our obstacles until we’re willing to give up the luxury of making up excuses why we can’t have/be/do something.” -Dave Navarro
I cannot afford the luxury of excuses in my life anymore.
The only reality that’s real is the one I believe in. The one I give thought, words and deed to.
To be congruent with all of those I had to write this post.
Regardless of my fear of publishing something like this and stamping my name on it, someone out there will look past the title and look more into the guts of it and take the first steps in thinking, saying and doing unphucked things.
Want to share your thoughts? Go ahead and be brave.