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7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger

Highway/motion blur

7 Lessons I Don’t Regret

Honestly this was a tough write for me because I don’t make a habit of wishing I could go back in time and do things differently.  I do obviously like to share my experiences from the past and how I’ve grown from them here at the blog.

So why did I write this wish post then?

Because it’s my contribution to the Life Lessons Series from my new friend Abubakar. He put the challenge out and I answered.

Grow Up

1. I wish I Would Have Understood It Was Ok To Not Grow Up

I’ll be the first to admit there are times today that I’m just downright childish, silly and hard to take seriously. I like it, enjoy it and most everyone when they are around me feel good about themselves because of the energy.

Admittedly I also can be extremely serious. Ok, um anal is really the appropriate word. I thought it was more important to throw the creative child aspect of myself to the side and grow up so I could make some serious money because well, that’s what people who make money do.

Yeah not, so much.

It’s OK to allow your child like self to be free and creative. You don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. It is possible to live your life with a child like wonder.

Chasing Money

2. I Wish I Had Learned Chasing Money Is A Dead End Road

Yes I wanted to make some serious money because I was tired of being a broke musician. I didn’t want to keep living my life powerless. (Money equaled power back then) I had equated having money to having personal power. I completely leap frogged over the aspect of knowing I am valuable already and that I just needed to consciously obtain life skills that supported the self in a long term growth plan.

I figured If I made more money that would make me more of a person and get me more respect.

Yeah, kinda short sighted. Although someone with money can be perceived as having it all, it’s not always true. I chased money to the point of only using it to buy drugs and alcohol to fill my voided self.

I did more drugs when I was in the manufactured home business (and almost died twice) than I ever did when I was in the metal lifestyle.

I was also more out of alignment with who saw myself as than ever before in my life too.

Money should be a result of providing a ton of specific value. Money is a great tool that allows you and I to have and create more experiences for ourselves and others.

Your Heart

3. I Wish Would Have Learned To Follow My Heart Rather Than My Head

When I shifted from being a musician to businessman it wasn’t for reasons of the heart.

I was influenced by the flashy new corvette my friend drove up in when I got back from my European stint with Cynic. He was making tons of cash and he was only 21. I was so jaded from feeling “screwed” by the band that I was in serious resistance of doing anything with them again. I saw myself as a victim. Someone who was taken advantage of, powerless and broke.

I emotionally reacted and told the band to go get bent when they asked me to do a U.S. tour with them and Cannibal Corpse in early ’94. I could have responded instead and objectively looked at the situation before making an emotional decision from the victim mentality.

Had I followed my heart and realized it was the music I was there for and this was just a stepping stone, I would have done it. Who knows what other contacts, gigs, and musical growth opportunities I could have had. (Little known fact, I had a good chance of joining Cannibal Corpse as a guitarist but I chose to go after my dream of playing with Cynic)

Even though I felt screwed out of being in the band, I could have said I needed to be compensated for the U.S. tour as a “guest musician” instead of doing it for free, thinking I was going to be a member of the group. (I learned as the European tour was coming to a close in late ’93  that I was a guest musician instead of an actual member. I learned by reading the inside sleeve of the CD jacket and putting forth a year of effort)

I chose reaction, resentment and money.

That decision changed the course of my creative life for almost 16 years.

I don’t regret the experience. Because of the shift I made I realize I made a vital decision that changed the course of the kind of value I provide to others today. I do it in a creative expressive way that supports change in others and aligns with their higher values.

Responsibility

4. I wish I Would Have Learned To Be More Responsible With Money Earlier

Keep in mind the next few lines are all story lines that contributed to several years of victim mentality.

I was never explained money as a kid. My great grandparents and great aunt made a total of around $45,000 a year between the 3 of them.

  • There was never a discussion around money. It was taboo.
  • There was no sit down on how to get ahead or how to start getting credit. It wasn’t discussed.

I didn’t have my first checking account until I was 22 and had gotten my first real job in the manufactured home industry as a salesman. Before that I was a dishwasher from the age of 15 till I was 19.

I finally did start making decent money at the age of 22 and I had zero respect for it.

I blew it on CD’s, movies, drugs, partying. You name it. Anything that would remind me I hadn’t chose the reality that I did.

Hell I didn’t even pay my taxes (I was self employed) and ended up having to pay the IRS monthly payments for a few years.

None of that was fun I tell you and I let all of those stories dictate a big chunk of my life.

I would have had chosen to have a greater respect for myself, my choices and my money earlier on. I forget where I read the quote but:

“Money is a terrible master but is a better servant.“

Money is not evil nor wrong, it only exposes or promotes who you are and how you perceive the world at the time. Realize money doesn’t fill your emotional holes. Deposit love in your emotional bank account everyday!

Pay yourself first, spend money on assets that will spin off more income second, that way you can do tomorrow what others won’t, because you do today what others don’t.

Personal Values

5. I Wish I Would Have Learned To Hold Myself In Higher Integrity

This one is a tough one to write about publicly but let’s just say with as low a self esteem as I had as a young adult I was involved in not one but two affairs. Both of which were selfish on my part and hurtful. I was the “other man” and quite frankly it sucked big monkey nuts. I ended up putting myself in positions where I got my heart broke and continued a cycle of self defeating relationships and behaviors.

I felt like I was a total douche.

I won’t get into too much detail however let’s just say I would have held myself to a higher standard, had more self respect and focused on self love.

“Situations don’t make a person, they reveal a person.” -Wayne Dyer

The choices we make today will impact how we feel about ourselves tomorrow. Weigh the impact of your decisions by what you value most. Are those values serving your greater good of yourself and those around you?

Personal Discipline

6. I Wish I Would Have Learned To Be More Disciplined Earlier

Being a classically trained violinist I learned a lot f music theory. I practiced every day. And I believe I became pretty good, however I wasn’t inspired to practice every day. I had to force myself to do it.

When I hit the metal scene I threw it all out the door and went for music from the heart. I had and still have a good ear for music but it’s a big reason why I later on feel my ability to express myself failed to hit it’s potential. (Hence why I was never considered to be a member of Cynic)

Today I also still enjoy playing guitar, piano and programming music on my mac. I’m not the most flexible musician but I enjoy the hell out of what I do create. No one has to tell me to do it, or beg me to do it. I just do it.

When it comes to writing, blogging and coaching no one has to tell me to do it. I just do it.

I’m inspired to do it and I don’t need any motivation.

Today I realize discipline isn’t required when you’re aligned with something you love. When I’m aligned with my greater sense of purpose I’ve found responsibility & discipline comes so much more naturally and easily than when I’m not.

Self Love

7. I Wish I Would Have Learned To Love (Give) Myself As Much As I looked for it from Others

When I look back at all this wishing, what I’m really saying is, “I wish I would have been consciously aware of self love.”

I realize I grew up in a household that didn’t value the expression of love however that’s no longer an excuse as I am now a conscious loving person myself.

It’s always easier to be a general after the battle.

I’m a believer of everything happens exactly as it’s supposed to have happened. It’s part of our dharam. The word dharma translates as that which upholds or supports.

Everything I’ve experienced, whether I interpreted it as good or bad has lent to my dharma and the discovery of my purpose here today. There for there is no good or bad, only what is that supports our journey. This is my karma.

I know we have heard we are all that we need and all that we need is within us but the human need for connection and community is huge. It’s powerful and it’s part of our nature. Today I have learned forgiveness of myself is paramount. Forgiving me of my attachments to the past.

I’m releasing my attachments I have to things outside of myself. I am  living out loud as I am today. And I am contributing to others as I am today. This is what bring me the greatest joy.

Your Biggest Lesson

What about you?

Are there something you can share in the comments that you wish you would have learned earlier in life? (But are grateful you know now)

How are you different today now that you had to go through those lessons?

Do you value those lessons or do you hold them in resistance? (You don’t have to answer this one, just think on it)

Share your feedback below.

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Comments

  11. Gurl says

    I wish I had learned that my value didn't rely on others. What I do, say, and am is what gives me value and I determine just how much I am worth. I can accept the first paying position to come along, even if the pay is extremely low…or I can hold out for something that pays better, make my own way by starting a business, etc. I can hold others accountable for how they treat me or I can be a doormat…so many examples that I have had to learn the hard way.

    While I am not sure if I am happy to have learned them the hard way, I am just happy to have learned them soon enough to do something with the lessons life has brought my way so far. Awesome, thought provoking article, Tony 🙂

  12. Abubakar Jamil says

    Thanks a lot Tony for your participation in the Life Lessons Series and for writing such an insightful article.

  14. Tony Teegarden says

    Kick ass Jenn!

    Is there an easy way we learn? I don't think so lol.

    I heard it said best today about learning:

    “Learning can be defined as behavior change. Unless behavior changes no learning takes place.”-Wyatt Woodsmall

    It was our behavior that lead us into those situations and through it we were able to raise our level of awareness surrounding them. Maybe not right away but eventually.

    As Einstein also said, “We can't solve a problem at the same level of conscious that we discovered it.”

    Sometimes it just took me longer than others to solve them 😉

    Thanks for your awesome contribution!

  15. Tia Singh, Coach T.I.A says

    I fell in LOVE with the 1st one on your list Tony! And then when I got to # 7, I fell in love all over again. Even now, as a year old Entrepreneur, I sometimes forget that I'm doing this for fun (amongst other things) and start relating responsibility and being a grow up to somehow not being fun. The silly part of me is well alive and kicking AND I need to keep bringing more of that to my work! I'm going to put up a note saying “Are you having fun yet” to remind me of that 🙂 Excellent points! Tia

  16. Tony Teegarden says

    Tia, I'm so glad it resonated with you!

    Your list was seriously awesome and I read it after I posted mine. You had such kickass points that I honestly look back and go damn, I think I overlooked those myself lol. Maybe I'll add more to mine as i go.

    You're doing incredibly well for being a “year old entrepreneur” and have watched you grow over the past year. We gotta lighten up and have fun and I'll be the first to admit I gotta take a spoon full of my own medicine lol.

    Thanks again! I'll be there for you to remind you we're supposed to enjoy the damn ride!

    Much Love & Light

  19. Zengirl @ heart and mind says

    Tony,

    Wow, it must have been a lot to think and share such a insightful life lessons. I have done many of such mistakes myself. I did not know what was most important earlier, when I had a high salaried six figure job, I was miserable and now I am happy and poor stay at home mom, who knew? I am still learning in my life.

  24. Tony Teegarden says

    Thanks for your insight Zengirl. I hate to call them “mistakes” because we had to fully experience them in order to appreciate them but I know exactly what you mean.

    You say you're poor and happy but it sounds like you're rich and busy from what I read on your blog:

    “…blogging part time with my 2 small kids, family life and my volunteer teaching position,”

    You're rich in living your life in a way that fulfills you 🙂

    Thank you my new friend!

  27. Jared Akers says

    Wow Tony, a great, great list there. I can relate to not looking “back” much and the gratitude for having learned all those things at all.

    My favorite one you listed here, Self-Love. So many of life's mysteries cleared up after discovering and cultivating a healthy relationship with myself; the endless search for happiness, money, acceptance, etc.

    Hey, sorry we couldn't connect while I was in St. Pete this last week. I'm sure I'll be done again at some point and may even end up living there eventually. Honestly I didn't “try” real hard to connect as I was looking forward to relaxing and keeping commitments to a minimum.

  28. Tony Teegarden says

    Holy crap o' la brother! I completely forgot about this past weekend! The weather completely hammered any plans of sunshine activities lol.

    I seriously hope you enjoyed yourself. I was held up in my commune working on creating diabolical products for mass distribution lol.

    For real let me know when you're coming next time! I completely understanding wanting to relax while you're here! It's normally gorgeous!

    Success to you this week!

  29. prolificliving says

    Excellent lessons here, Tony! There is so many deep lessons here, I think I need to digest them one at a time. I am glad you don't blame money but rather the approach and attitude about money – Money is a great tool and a fabulous enabler and with responsibility and appreciation and knowledge, we can benefit from it. A good servant it makes indeed. I love money but I will never let it dictate the way I live my life…..Thanks for doing the life lesson series!

  30. Tony Teegarden says

    Thank you for your kind words Farnoosh. They ARE pretty deep. (I'm working on making the deep and complex more simple lol)

    So glad I could contribute to the life lessons series! Thank you for your support 🙂

  31. Marion Anderson says

    I just love the fact that these are lessons you don't regret! It is a positive message which says yes – made mistakes – but I am a better person for it! It is too easy to beat ourselves up with the hindsight stick. Thank you for sharing your journey!

  32. Tony Teegarden says

    Marion, thank you. Yes, I agree. I don't like to live in the past with regret. I've done too much of it in the past that made up for any I may have done in the future haha.

    The title doesn't totally resonate with me because I can't say i really wish I'd known this stuff. It's happened exactly as it's supposed to have.

    So glad you got value from the post! You're quite welcome 🙂

    P.S. I like the name of your blog. I so feel like that's where I am at times lol. the 2nd part of my life!

  33. Preeti @ heart and mind says

    Tony,

    You are right I am busy and living rich life 🙂 Lessons are great and I am glad you are not regretting them like I do, without these lessons we would not be who we are today.

  35. Boysmom4 says

    I wish I had known how quickly time passes then I would have been more focused on making the most of each day. When you are young, you think you have forever!

  36. Tony Teegarden says

    I think we all have thought that at some point and time.

    On one hand thinking we have forever as a kid can serve us to live in the moment (Which we normally do) However yes you're right, sometimes we don't fully appreciate them for what they are. Being fully present!

    Thanks for contributing 🙂

  37. theresemiu says

    Hi Tony,
    I don’t know how I managed to NOT see this post. And I am one of your subscribers lol! I really liked it. “Your life lessons series” I PLAY a LOT and I can’t imagine going a day without playing whether it’s with my son, or dancing, chasing Jeroen around the house. I have learned so much about childhood through my son’s eyes. I talk in more details about it here http://theresemiu.com/lessons-on-life-from-a-3-… I always say to him “Jeroen Your heart is…” and he responds back to me, “open” because I want to teach him to live from the heart. I am also going to take him to money camp here in Santa Barbara at age 9. It teaches kids about assets and liabilities. I never grew up with any types of financial education. I had to learn on my own. I struggled with this personally in my teens and early 20’s. Since then, I’ve taken programs like Dave Ramsey and other financial gurus advice out there. I know how crucial and life-changing the information is to EVERYONE.

    I think for me one big lesson is to always have courage. I have been fascinated with how people bloom in his/her lifetime. Some choose to bloom once in their life. Some people choose to bloom once every few years. Some people choose to bloom every month. I think to have courage is to BLOOM in unbounded heights. And to SHINE brightly regardless of what other people think. I’m working on courage day by day to bloom. Follow my intuition & heart’s desires. I also wish I learned to always live from the heart. I want to teach my son compassion. And amongs other things… This is getting long. Just thought I’d swing by today for a breath of fresh air in your amazing blog. Thanks for sharing your story and for being truly genuine. I appreciate you more & more each and everyday. *Hugs*

  38. Tony Teegarden says

    Such an amazing share Therese and I believe what you're sharing with your son is timeless, formless love. He is so rich from someone so giving.

    I love the word “Bloom.”

    Death blooms, where some see death, we see light. Where something ends, it creates a new beginning. Our to shine is to open our hearts as you so well stated.

    Much love my dear friend. You ARE amazing!

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