First and foremost I’m going to share with you the winner of last weeks Delivering Happiness contest because it is seriously tied to this post.
Everyone who participated submitted awesome entries. Unfortunately I could only pick one. Jessica Droeger (AKA) Slackermomspeaks nailed it as best I saw it with her entry below:
Great, passionate review Tony. I’ve heard so much about Zappos.com and really would love to read the book! I’m pretty much working on all of those values right now (maybe my problem is that I’m a bit scattered in my efforts).
So, for this contest I’m picking #4.
I tend to let fear hold me back.
So I’m going really work on being adventurous and creative this week.
I’m giving my very first public presentation about Reiki on Sunday. I’ve been putting off developing the presentation and the flyer and other materials because I’m afraid they’ll suck. But I’m going to work on them right now and they are going to rock!
- I’m going to be creative and open-minded about my approach.
- I’m going to put a muzzle on my inner critic.
- I’m going to go out and help people by introducing them to this simple yet powerful healing therapy that they can learn to do themselves!
- I’m going to help people help themselves.
Thanks for the inspiration Tony!
Congratulations to Jessica and to everyone else who participated!
The fact is, everyone won big because of the time taken to really get specific about what they wanted and acting on it.
Not to mention everyone who participated is going to get an advanced copy of the Ebook From Fear to Freedom before I officially release it to the public in a few weeks!
This contest had a direct impact on this post I was planning on writing which leads us to the next installment of “The (My) Guide” series.
Jessica has something she was afraid of but also had something to move towards.
Regardless she decided to Lead Herself into action.
Asking For Whatever You Want
I surveyed you, the readers of this blog that are on the newsletter list, not too long ago and one of the topics that came up a lot when asking what your biggest fears and frustrations were, was this:
“Asking for what I want – and feeling its okay to do that.“
And the outcome you desired?
“Feeling confident about asking for what I want.”
Ah, those sneaky little boogers we call feelings. Feelings can seem elusive if we allow them to be, but they really aren’t. Leaders master their thoughts, emotions and actions.
What If I told you all you had to do to feel confident in asking for what in life, was to just to start with mastering your thoughts?
What If I said you had to focus on your belief that you deserved to have whatever you want?
How would that feel?
It would probably feel a bit elusive to you yet still. Maybe even woo woo sounding.
What is it that leads you to believe that you don’t deserve to ask for what you want anyway?
My guess is a lack of certainty is at the root of this mess.
Let’s kick it’s ass.
The 3 Keys To Asking For What You Want
“We as leaders need to wake up and lead.”-Me
Thoughts trigger your emotions and your emotions trigger your actions.
It’s your thoughts around what you don’t want which trigger your fears.
- Your thoughts of Fear keeps you frozen.
- Your thoughts of Fear keeps you paralyzed.
- Your thoughts of fear keeps you analyzing and searching for more data, looking for more knowledge or more information before you move forward.
Fear keeps you in s state of not claiming what you do truly desire and deserve. You tell yourself a story that keeps you from having what you enjoy.
This is not what serious leaders believe and it’s not how they act. (And I’m not talking about just business people in suits either)
The problem is that this formula of ::your thoughts lead to your emotions and your emotions lead you taking action:: happens almost 100% unconsciously.
Those who bring the unconscious conscious, take control of their lives and create movements that are magical. It’s not fate, it’s purposeful!
Just look at:
- Dr. Martin Luther King
- Abraham Lincoln
- Nelson Mandela
So let’s explore the 3 Keys.
1. Upgrading Your Thoughts
“There isn’t any reason, except for the ones you make up, why you can’t turn your passions into a way of life that sustains your lifestyle.”-me
People only do things for two reasons:
• To get things we want
• Or avoid things we don’t want
It’s nuts but it’s the avoidance that’s the most powerful of the two.
Unless you know how to truly inspire yourself and in turn inspire others.
Thoughts are what either keep you frozen or propel you towards your birthright.
- Your birthright is abundance
- Your birthright is creativity
- Your birthright is to be and feel love
- Your birthright is whatever you want that brings you joy.
What leads you to believe otherwise?
I dare anyone to give me one good reason why they shouldn’t be aligning themselves in the lifestyle of their choice.
Oh I’m sure you can tell me a great story but is it one that’s empowering you or uninspiring you? Is it a story that is building you, your life and your business/career to heights that are fulfilling?
If not, put the bullshit stories to bed!
Let’s just say that your story is something you can discover and change starting now. If I can, being a C- minus high school student with no experience at this stuff, then I know you can too.
You are fucking powerful. Seriously.
Yes I know. It takes work making the unconscious bullshit stories conscious. There is not EASY BUTTON but I tell you, it’s worth it. Just ask any leader or someone who’s done something out of the box, inspired others and lead to making change.
We as leaders need to wake up and lead.
Here’s how great leaders have done it, and how you and I can do it too.
Your Consciousness Exercise
Thoughts are pictures and sounds in our head.
So let’s create some new pictures and sounds:
- Write down everything you don’t want in your life.
- Now next to everything you don’t like about your life or want in your life write the exact opposite out.
- Now read out loud the opposite positive outcomes in a clear confident tone.
Sure it may feel a bit weird at first but damnit do it, it works!
Now start asking yourself out loud:
- What would I have to let go of (such as a belief or thought) in order to see that process starting?
- What would have to happen in order for me to start the process?
- What do I need to believe to take action right now?
- What would be possible when I achieve this outcome?
Right down those answers. I’m not kidding. Write. Them. Down.
Keep reading out loud everyday those things you now know you deserve in your life. Do it first thing in the morning and last thing at night before you go to bed.
Start believing with absolutely certainty your desired outcome.
What I really mean is:
Give yourself permission to enjoy your fucking life!
The reasons you make up for not asking for what you want from life are bullshit stories. Stories that you may not even be conscious of until you do this exercise. Dump your personal prejudices for gods sake.
It’s no different whether you’re asking what you want from your life or you’re asking the guy or girl out that you’ve really wanted to but haven’t.
Could you get shot down or your desire not work out how you expected it to?
But so what. That was going to happen anyway somewhere down the road. If you don’t think so, then you’re being naive and playing small.
Leaders don’t ask themselves, “What if doesn’t work.”
You have to ask yourself, “But what if it does work? What would be possible then?”
Damn, now that my friend is an empowering thought.
2. Employ Your Empowering Emotions
“When you’re doing something worth while the wisdom from following through seldom comes without risk.” -Me
The simple way to put this is thoughts trigger emotions and If your thoughts are negative you’re going to make up a lot more risk in your head than is necessary.
Really it’s the pictures and audio in your head that you create via your thought that triggers your emotions.
I do it still all the time when I post stuff to this blog.
- What if it someone thinks it sucks.
- What if someone challenges me on my perspective.
- What if, what if, what if…
If you’re unconsciously letting shit bounce around in your head that doesn’t provide empowering pictures and audio then I can assure you, you’re kinda pretty hosed as far as purposely living and doing what you love.
You and I can consciously create pictures and audio in our head all day long that decide how we feel about all this life stuff.
Now I have pictures and audio in my head of:
- What if I touch someones life and they share their success story with the community?
- What if someone finds my work and wants to joint venture on an even bigger project?
- What if I this post ends up as part of a book I write in the near future that positively impacts millions of peoples lives?
How’s that for a Sunday brunch on a cool summer day by the lake?
Negative thoughts still bouncing around?
Feel something is way too risky?
Take the time to think it through and take the time to put a damn plan in place.
For example. Afraid to start a business from scratch and quit your day job cold turkey for example? (Which I don’t recommend)
Start up your online/offline business spare time part time. Learn it and put systems in place that create leverage while you still have the semi-security of your traditional 9-5 income coming in. If you make any mistakes it’s Ok! You and the family aren’t out much. Just a little time.
So where’s the risk now?
Do you feel better about the supposed risk now? Take calculated risks!
I’m not saying you should take stupid risks, but damnit, there’s going to be risk in whatever you do if it’s worth a damn! Just put something in place that supports you and makes you feel good about moving forward.
That’s how you can create empowering emotions that fire off and make you feel good. Now you purposely propel yourself towards taking action on what you do want.
So to start mastering your thoughts in order to really trigger those kick ass emotions:
- Listen to empowering audio
- Watch empowering video
- Surround yourself with empowering associations
- Participate in empowering events and hobbies
- Read inspiring books
- Read my damn blog 😉
Master your thoughts and you’ll master your emotions.
This is what leaders do.
This leads to step three and taking purposeful action.
3. Impacting Your Action
“What you do for you could be life changing to someone else so follow your heart. You may be someone elses inspiration.”-Me
If you’re not taking action then I suggest painting the picture of playing a bigger game because that’s really what I’ve been eluding to this whole time.
What bigger game could you be playing right now?
Well let’s go back to your exercise in Step 1. where you listed out what you do want your life to look like.
How big was some of that stuff on your positive list?
Paying your bills on time is not a bigger game by the way. Sorry, I’m just say’en.
Where some of things you put down major game changers from where you’re at right now?
- Starting a Successful business built around my passion
- Creating a non-profit
- Becoming a big brother/big sister
- Sponsoring a charity
- Working my spouse out of a job so we can can stay home together with the kids
Did the voice in your head say something like, “Holy shit balls, I don’t think any of that’s realistic!”
I hate the word realistic by the way. For real.
Chances are if you didn’t have something like that go off in your head you’re not playing a big enough game. I get right now being able to just pay bills on time is a big deal for a lot of folks. I’m not playing that down. I’m just say’en if that’s all you focus on you’ll stay right there.
“Focus on the short-term stress & you might miss the opportunity. Focus on the long-term opportunity & you’ll more easily manage the stress“-Simon Sinek
When you manufacture empowering structured thoughts, you manufacture healthy emotions.
When you can consciously and purposely align your positive thoughts and healthy empowering emotions with your actions you can create a shit storm of good stuff in your life and for anyone who comes in contact with it.
You won’t feel as if you aren’t deserving to ask someone for something you want such as assistance, feedback, support or help in accomplishing your desired result.
You have a greater purpose and you know you’ll need a team and a network to do it with.
So What Now
First things first is you’ve gotta know that you’re asleep and you need to wake up and lead!
Lead your family.
Lead your children.
Free yourself of routines that keep you sleeping walking!
Lead yourself by giving you permission to experience joy! You’re not a kid anymore asking mom or dad for a toy or candy at the grocery store. You’re an adult that has choices and your joy should be the first choice you make.
That’s simply what I’ve done and I remind myself to do.
- I get clear on what I want.
- I consciously put good stuff in my head and put myself around people who help support it.
- I feel good about myself and nurture those emotions. (They lead to feeling inspired a lot)
- I act upon my inspirations!
Does everything I act upon work?
I can’t say it does.
Matter of fact a lot of it doesn’t but I’ve learned to discipline my disappointments Do I still have bad days or go backwards like anyone else? Sometimes, however I don’t stay there for long because I just realize that was only one trail that didn’t get me where I saw myself going.
There’s a bunch more ways to get where I’m going!
I don’t sulk about setbacks because I know I’m doing what I love and what I love is much bigger than any stuff that may pop up while doing it.
That gives me a serious feeling of confidence and confidence is a derivative of certainty.
A feeling of certainty is exactly what you’re looking for to build confidence.
When I know what greater cause or purpose I’m working on and moving towards It creates a sense of certainty for me, I don’t mind at all asking for help, support, feedback or assistance.
I have already given myself permission to live a life of joy and I’m confident the actions I take will support that life of joy. It will be messy sometimes but I’m OK with that.
It’s not a perfect system but that’s why I call it “The (My) Guide.
So leave your feedback below.
What can you add if you’re already in a place of feeling it’s OK to ask for help, support or assistance in your personal or business/career growth?
What successes have you had in getting what you want and how did you get it?
Was this article (Ok small book) helpful?
Hi. Toni thank you for the brilliant post and for the ebook. God bless. This is such a great guide to asking and getting what we want. U seem to have outlined an entire blueprint. It true we have to start with feeling first and when we change them to an attitude of confidence, things begin to happen..thanks for the great post.
Tony Teegarden says
You're quite welcome Uzma! And thank you! (Brilliant, what an amazing word!)
I appreciate your kind words and if you will please keep me informed of how you use it? That would be awesome.
So glad you liked it!
Hi Tony, I really like your emphasis on waking up. A couple of things that bother me or that I disagree with you about.
I'm uncomfortable with language about mastering ouselves. Who is the master and who the mastered. At best this can result in a split.
I also think that sometimes our feelings come first – I can realise I'm in danger when I stop and listen to my fear.
I really like the exercises on getting in touch with what we want and taking initiative to make it happen.
Tony Teegarden says
Thanks for your input Evan.
I know it's uncomfortable talking of mastering anything and mastered. I'm only referencing mastering my emotions. Sometimes that mastering means surrendering to many of our emotions. Whether that's dark or light.
Nelson Mandela mastered his emotions by surrendering to love and look what he did for himself and his country despite 30 years imprisonment.
Also when you say “our” emotions come first you are speaking really for yourself. Consciously and purposely moving ourselves into awareness is work, no doubt. What If I didn't attempt to at all? What would be the result then?
Thanks for your perspective as always man. I realize I'm projecting my beliefs here and they are to be questioned but my concern is what is the alternative if we don't do that work?
If by mastery you mean surrender I entirely agree. For me the measure is moments of unity. Splitting ourselves into mastered and master can't achieve (however impressive the achievements that may result).
As to thoughts and feelings: I am speaking for myself, others I have spoken with and there are various kinds of evidence to suppport my position.
Awareness is a kind of work. For me it has more feeling of receptivity than conveyed by language about mastery. But this may just be us having different feelings about particular words. If you and I or others don't work on awareness we end up deluded and ineffective (at least – and perhaps doing harm as our actions will be out of sync with the situation and ourselves).
I'm in favour of developing awareness. Our disagreement may be about the best way to do this. I'm doing my best not to project (but may not be succeeding).
Tony Teegarden says
My meaning of mastery over emotion is mastery over the influence of emotion. That may mean I need to surrender at the moment. It may not. We're of human nature and human nature is pretty predictable.
Everyone's attachment to the word mastery is going to be different and not everyone's measure of “what is the measure of mastery” will be the same.
I don't argue your position. You're perspective is yours to project. However it won't be the same for everyone even though we both could surely find evidence to support our positions. I don't really think there is wrong or right here.
I believe mastery consists of surrender vs discipline, strength vs weakness or even love vs. anger. As much as they are all contradictions of one another they are both the light and the dark required in moments of our lives.
We may be quibbling over a words meaning (Or our attachment to the word) but I like to believe my intention was to say you, myself and anyone else who may feel helpless in finding confidence to ask for what we want can be improved majorly by consciously and purposely influencing our thoughts and emotions.
Does it mean we're a robot? I don't believe so. I believe it's a level of awareness. Living in the higher self
I really enjoy your writings and learn much from them.
Mastering thoughts and mastering emotions is facinating to me. 🙂 I love the concepts and what can really be.
thanks for sharing. I learnt alot!
Tony Teegarden says
Glad you dig it Billy!
It “is” a fascinating subject. One that I believe we have more influence over than most think.
You're quite welcome my friend 🙂
Geez, I wish you'd quit holding back and learn to express yourself. Haha.
It's taken me a loooong time to step up and feel good about asking for things I want in business or in my personal life. One thing that really helped me was to quit labeling the experience and attaching a bunch of drama to it. I started approaching asking for things as being logical/sensible and then just did it. Stay tuned for my new book . . . the Vulcan's Guide to Personal Growth 🙂
First of all – thanks for picking me as your winner (can't wait to read the book) and thanks for the shout out.
I agree that so many of us are (or were) sleepwalking through life, doing what we thought we had to in order to survive and get by, doing what other people wanted us to do. But when we wake up to the possibilities of living our passion, it's impossible to go back to our old ways of doing things. Of course – as I'm finding out – it doesn't mean that we don't have fears and limiting beliefs that can hold us back from the greatness we can achieve even when we are living our passion. I'm learning to take responsibility for my life more than I ever have – in your words “leading” myself and my family to a happier, healthier, more peaceful life.
Looking forward to your ebook as well!
Tony Teegarden says
LOL, I may have a slight challenge in expressing myself through #epic posts lol.
I like how you become conscious of your “attachment” you were placing on the experience. Those story's are BS but they are like a warm cozy bed on a chilly Saturday morning aren't they?
To glad you dropped it like it's Hot and just TOOK ACTION!
By the way I think that book is going to KICK ASS lol.
Thanks for sharing!
Tony Teegarden says
You're so welcome Jessica!
Ahh taking responsibility. That's a bear for some of us, even on our best days but it's so worth it to move through.
Keep us informed of your successes (and your thoughts on Tony's book! It's coming to you this week)